And my fears gave way to hope

I absolutely loved being pregnant with Kaylee.

I don't know a time when I've ever had a more optimistic and hopeful outlook on life.

I'll be honest with you, though. I didn't start out so optimistic. I didn't want to get my hopes up in case anything happened. In fact, at my first appointment to confirm the pregnancy with my doctor, I was so paranoid that I practically begged her to do an ultrasound to show me that I was, in fact, having a baby. I was just so worried something wasn't right. She just smiled patiently, went down the hall to get the portable ultrasound machine, and waltzed back into the room.

And then we saw this.


My tiny little jelly bean-sized bambino. Proof that she was there. That she existed. That my at-home pregnancy test wasn't playing a cruel joke on me. She was real, and she was growing, and I was finally going to be a mama.

This little picture meant the world to me, and for days and days, I'd just stare at it each night before I drifted off to sleep. Before I was able to hold this picture in my hands, I had these totally unfounded fears that something was wrong, and this picture just gave me so much hope.

A few (long) weeks later, we had another ultrasound and heard Miss Kaylee's heart just thump-thump-thumpin' away. More of my fears were eased as we soared past the riskiest part of the pregnancy.

A few weeks later, I had a little scare, and I remember calling in sick to work because I had to go in for another ultrasound to find out if my wee babe was alright. I had never been so terrified in my life. I remember crying, praying to God that my baby was okay, trying to keep my composure, and trying to remain optimistic.

I was scared to look at the ultrasound screen, and then we saw this.


In case you can't make that out, that's my girl. Doing a headstand. We couldn't help but laugh, and again, our fears and worries were chased away. Do you think God was trying to tell me to lighten up?

At this point, I finally realized I needed to quit focusing on fears and all the what if's. I had a healthy, thriving, future gymnast/ninja (I said gymnast. Dennis said ninja.) bopping around in my ever-growing belly, and I reached a point where I could finally accept that God was in total control, and all I could do was to sit back and trust that he would care for my baby. And I love control, so that was not an easy task for me.

It's too easy to get caught up in negative thinking, because - let's face it - there's plenty of things in life that suck and that can go wrong.

But, I want to teach Kaylee to love life, to live it fully, and to be optimistic as heck. She'll learn from me. She already mimics everything I do from coughing to laughing, to pretending to snore, to clapping and clicking her tongue. Why should I believe that's going to change any time soon?

Here's to teaching my daughter the beauty of an optimistic spirit...

Tiffany at The R Family Diaries is having a link up filled with optimistic posts. Head on over and vote for mine! Be sure to check out other posts while you're there too.