Your Tag's Stickin' Out

How about some random funny stuff? I'm tired, and I don't have anything brilliant to write, so thankfully, I've been tagged by April over at The Life of Me Plus Three. So, she took the guess work out of what I should post about today, and all I have to do is answer her fun questions. I hope something gives you a chuckle.

1. What is your funniest childhood story?

Well, I'm sure there are plenty, but the Wall of Boogers is probably up there toward the top of the list. When I was a tiny little kid (about 13 years old or so...just kidding! I was probably 3? I don't really know...) I picked my nose and put the boogers on the wall beside my bed, but I was a smart little cookie and put the boogers on the part of the wall that was covered by the mattress, convinced that no one would ever find them. Duh. We eventually moved and boom. There they were. Not just 5 or 6 - but a whooooole lotta boogers. The looks on my mom and dad's faces must have been priceless. I have no idea what possessed me to do such a weird thing, but I did it. My dad ended up telling my then future father-in-law about it at Easter dinner before my husband and I were even engaged. Fortunately, my husband still chose to marry me, in spite of my odd booger behavior as a child.

2. What would your dream dress look like if you could design it?

My wedding dress was my dream dress. A princess dress, if you will. Fitted top with spaghetti straps, poofy skirt. Cried when I tried it on because I knew it was THE DRESS. I don't have another dream dress. It was the wedding dress I always pictured in my head.

3. What weird habit does your hubby have?

No weird hubby stories on my blog. He's got immunity here. :)

4. How many cookbooks are in your kitchen?

Probably about 5 with a few random cooking magazines.

5. Granny panties or loyal Victoria Secret girl?

Vicky's Place . But only if I get the free coupon in the mail. Silly ladies - don't ever PAY for a pair of those undies - wait for the free coupon and then tick off the snooty sales girl when you refuse to use the other part of the coupon that says you get a whopping $10 off if you buy a $50 bra. No thanks. Give me my free underwear so I can be on my merry little way, thankyouverymuch. (Don't even get me started on Granny Panties)

6. My favorite memory from 2008 so far is...

Welcoming my baby girl into the world.

7. I secretly...

Well, I already told you I secretly have fake poops and secretly listen to hip hop music in my car. If you expect me to tell you that when I pumped every three hours for my daughter's first 2 months of life, that I ate cake every time I got up in the middle of the night (when it was readily available in my fridge - which was often), well - I'm just not sure you need to know that.

8. I could really go for...

8 hours of sleep.

9. We are going to have a big snow storm and you will find me...

Curled up on the couch with some hot chocolate. Perhaps reading a book or watching a fun movie. Now I wish it would snow.


10. I knew he was the one...

The day I was finally willing to fart in front of him. Ha ha ha! Ok, maybe that wasn't the defining moment, but it was an important milestone nonetheless.

Back to business as usual tomorrow...

Can't a Girl Just Poop in Peace?!?

Seriously, people.

Never in my life have I wished for anything more (okay, you got me - that's not entirely true - it's just how I feel right now)...

So, I have my morning bowl of fiber-y cereal, so as to keep myself regular. Then I add on a chewy and delicious, gas-inducing Fiber One bar. Two minutes later, it's time to drop the kids off at the pool, if you know what I'm sayin'.

I decide to go grab a new magazine and take my sweet time. My little one is happily entertaining herself in the Pack 'n Play - there should be no issues here.

WRONG!

I get five of my ten toes out the door and screaming ensues. I remember, "Oh yes, we're in the phase where she blows a gasket if I leave the room." But, cry she must. This mama's gotta poop.

I get my magazine, sit down, and wish to high heaven that I could just read the latest issue of Parenting - seriously - 5 pages is all I ask for. Is that so much?! Apparently, it is.

So, I spend my crapadoodle doo time with the door open so that I can talk to my child in the sing-songy voice that she loves so much, just so I don't have to hear constant screaming.

A dear friend of mine (who shall remain nameless) has two kids of her own. Not long ago she was telling me that gone are the days of the Leisurely Crap. No more dawdling on the pot. No more catching up on the bathroom reading. No more private time.

Unfortunately, due to the obscene amount of fiber I choose to have in my diet, my craps are always in the morning (unless I mistakenly consume 2 or more Fiber One bars - then I'm in for it all the live long day...) - when my husband is conveniently at work. This is unfortunate because, were he home during my oh-so-scheduled poops, I could enjoy a leisurely crap.

So, how do I deal? I have fake poops. Yep, fake poops.

He gets home - I suddenly have to crap. Oh, and it takes me a good 20 minutes, too. What's he gonna do? Tell me to hurry it up? I think not. So, I sit there on the crapper and read my magazine, pretending to poop. Hey, you do whatcha gotta do to get a little piece and quiet, and if it means faking a poop, then so be it.

Embrace your inner fake pooper, ladies!

Welcome to the Chaos

I've wanted to be a mama ever since I was old enough to tote around a doll.

This blog is all about my journey through motherhood. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. My daughter brings me more joy than I could have ever imagined. I just wish I had a clue how hard it was going to be. No one ever told me. I thought I'd have my baby, come home, breastfeed her, experience the usual sleep deprivation, deal with poop and puke and other bodily fluids, all the normal stuff you expect.

I had no freakin' clue that my baby would decide not to latch on for 2 months and that I would tirelessly pump around the clock - every three hours for that entire first 2 months- because I was so stubbornly set on providing her with breast milk.

And I didn't realize that I would feel like such an emotional wreck, and even somewhat of a failure, for not being able to breast feed my own child.

I had no clue that the physical recovery from child birth would be so painful.

I had no clue that sleep deprivation isn't just some silly phrase - it can totally mess with your body and your mind.

I had no clue that I would turn into such an Ice Queen, and that you can have postpartum depression even if you don't feel "depressed."

I had no clue that antidepressants (which I have fondly nicknamed "ABP's" - short for "anti-bitchy pills") would be my saving grace and bring the real me back into existence (have I mentioned I have the world's most patient husband?).

And that's just to name a few of the things I didn't have a clue about.

I feel like there are so many things no one ever told me. I'm learning that there are certain aspects of motherhood that too many "been there, done that" mamas don't like to discuss. But these are things that need to be put out there, because if they're not, then that means there are too many of us sitting at home thinking we're crazy, or that we're just not cut out for this gig.

I'm coming to realize that most of what we go through as moms is utterly and completely normal - but there's just too much of it that no one is really willing to talk about. Well, I'm ready to talk about it. Humor has always played a big part in my life, and to be honest, I think it's all that gets me through some days.

So, I can promise you that this blog isn't going to be a downer just because I talk about my struggles. I believe that humor is an incredible tool for dealing with the tough stuff, so, just like the title of my blog implies, you'll get to read all about how I laugh through the chaos that is my new life as a mother.

If no one ever comments on my posts and all I do is blabber on and on about my life, so be it. That's fine. At least I'll get a few things off my chest. But, I really, really encourage you to comment - let's get a dialogue going and share the ups and downs of motherhood together.

If I manage to make it to my bedroom without tripping over a bouncy seat, jumperoo, pile of laundry, stray shoe, or random breast pump part, I'll be back tomorrow to write more. Until then, I hope you get more sleep than I do tonight.