Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Living with priorities and without regrets

I've had a significant amount of time off from work this month (not by choice), and while it made me apprehensive at first due to the fact that I'd be wondering how we might make ends meet, I am now SO grateful for it. And wouldn't you know...I was able to get extra shifts and we'll be just fine.

I haven't been blogging as much lately because I'm trying to keep my priorities in line. Writing is something I'll always need to do. I have to get things out, and I want to be able to look back on all my posts someday to remember all the little things that may otherwise be forgotten. Part of me feeling peaceful about where my priorities are has meant less time on the computer, less time reading blogs, less time blogging, less time commenting. And while I felt some guilt about that initially, I decided to just get over it.

Right now, I've got no regrets about how I spend my time. I'm playing with my daughter, taking her out on errands with me, teaching her things, learning things from her, making time to exercise and to - (are you sitting down?) cook healthy, wholesome foods for my family. We're talking fresh fruits and veggies, high protein, low fat, limited processed stuff and recipes we've never tried before. I know. What has come over me? I now spend more time reading books than I do on the computer, and that is one change that I am so glad I made. I've already finished 4 books this month, and I hope to finish one more by the end of the month.

Kaylee is just more of a sponge every single day, and she's cracking us up so much. From asking us, "What happedid?" during a commercial on one of her shows, or during the very short break between songs on a CD, to blaming her own farts on Dennis, we are just loving this stage of being parents. And yes, she seriously blamed a fart on Dennis. How can a child who is not even two yet even know that's an option? She farted the other day and then said, "Daddy FART!" and started laughing.

She now sings her ABCs up to the letter K, knows her colors, and counts to 9 (I know, budding Baby Genius over here).

My parents were incredible teachers to us growing up. They took every opportunity to help us learn about ourselves and the world around us. It just really instilled a love of learning in me, and I've always looked forward to the time when I could pass that on to my own children, and now I'm seeing the results of it.

I feel like this time - right now - is what I envisioned when I pictured motherhood. This interaction, this bonding, and the joy and laughter she brings to us (coupled with, of course, an overwhelming sense to protect her, to worry about her, and to be overcome by frustration with her, at times) - this is what I wanted. At the beginning, I just didn't realize it might take so much time to get here.

Of course there have been good moments at all the stages of her life, but it was so hard for me to just relax and enjoy things for such a long a time at the beginning. There was a mean, nasty adjustment period I hadn't counted on. I didn't realize that, at first, there would be so little sleep and so much stress. I expected so many fun times right away, but that's not how it works.

And what I didn't realize is this time - right now - is like the ultimate prize for surviving the first few months.


Alicia said...

i love this post! and you're absolutely right...you should have NO regrets about how you spend your time...at the end of the day a blog is nothing compared to our children. there's no competition what so ever! i'm so glad to hear things are going so well for you!! its inspiring to hear that :)

Deb said...

i think i may have told you this already, and if so, just delete.

i didn't suffer from ppd (i don't THINK!), but i did NOT particularly enjoy the early months. i mean, i didn't neglect my babies or anything, but there was just this sense of going through the motions. no overwhelming joy, no feeling of prayers being answered by the arrival of this little being. but the stage you describe is when things really got fun and rewarding and joyful. i am really jealous of you right now. i remember those days with such fondness and a little bit of regret that i didn't savor them like i probably could have. even when things got fun, i still was always SO looking forward to bedtime.

hotpants™ said...

This is great. You're reminding me that I haven't read a book since 2009 though. I should get on that.

angie said...

Deep sigh. You are so right.

What a wonderful thing to have been raised by your parents who instilled in you a love of learning.

I'm also glad you are enjoying teaching your daughter.

Sweet. :)

Jenners said...

This post just warmed my heart!! I'm so glad you're getting to the "good stuff." Isn't it so much fun seeing them become "real" people. They are endlessly entertaining. Enjoy it ... your priorities are definitely in the right place!!

And just a sneak peek of the horrible future: I was told today "I wish I had a different mom than you." I clearly remember saying this to my mother ... but not at 5!!! He was mad at me for something and then came out with this and I was half laughing and half crying.

Molly said...

I love this post, Sera.
I am skimming through a 1000+ google reader right now, because I have just been doing more important things. I think Kaylee and Cooper (ohh, doesn't that sound cute together!) :) are about the same age and are just fun right now. Cooper repeats everything, and I find myself having to be more careful with everything I say and do. I am having fun, though. It was rough for a while not too long ago, and I'm seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.

Summer said...

woman, I just ADORE you and think you are one of the most amazing people I have ever met.

You inspire me....


Miss you much!

Orange Juice said...

girl u hav such an inspiring blog. LUV IT!
I need u 2 share some of ur budgeting secrets w me....seriously. as u know were cutting this really tight...& will b on a SUPER tight food budget too. I know ur not new to that. Share ur wisdom with me! seriously!!! :)

Fauset Photography said...

LOVE this post Sera! You're utterly amazing.

P said...

Hi there, I just randomly found your blog today...I am a member of the January 2008 Preg.org Birth club and was casually lurking on others. I seen one of your posts and wanted to check out your blog. Let me say...it was exactly what I needed!! My sister is currently suffering from severe PPD and we have been struggling with the care of my 2 month old nephew (she has been hospitalized twice so far). Thank you, thank you for your informative and inspiring posts on PPD!!

Kitchen Belleicious said...

HA! Love your blog. Just found you via 20SB and I feel like we are long lost friends! Love your posts and hope to keep in touch. I am a mother of a 10 month old and trying to keep my head out of the water-its crazy. Just started a food blog- would love for you to check it out plus I am having a giveaway you might be interested in!