Wordful Wednesday: Motherhood, Tupperware and Toddlers - it's a beautiful mix.

What does motherhood mean?

It means a whole heck of a lot of things. Scraped knees, bonked heads, explaining dead goldfish, tickle fights, tooth fairies, learning to put someone else's needs before your own, and many, many other things.

Right now, one thing motherhood means to me is that my days of having a Tupperware cabinet where I can find exactly what I am looking for thanks to my six beautiful and elegant bins from Dollar Tree are gone. For several years to come.

And I'm quite okay with that.


*This post is a part of Wordful Wednesday, hosted by Angie at Angie's 7 Clown Circus.

Losing my teeth in a caramel apple and explosive sandbox volcanoes

Do you ever think back on your childhood and wonder why you remember some things?

Although I lived in 3 different houses in my growing up years, one of the homes in particular comes to mind when I think of my childhood home. We moved there before I was old enough to remember, and we moved away when I was about 10.

It was a cute little 2 story with a grassy front yard, a fenced in backyard, a swing set, a sandbox and a dog kennel with our obnoxious dog, Axel (yes, for the Guns 'n Roses Axel), who was forever sniffing my butt every time I went outside.

I have so many fond memories of our time in that home (the constant butt sniffing not being one of those...).

Sitting on my front porch in the summertime offering the mailman a bite of my lime popsicle.

Coming *this* close to getting my little brother to eat a dog turd because I told him it was a tootsie roll.

Making the conscious choice to lock the door to my room, step outside of it, and pull the door closed, bidding all my toys farewell because of my brilliant plan to tell my dad that I couldn't clean my room because I was locked out of it. I may go the rest of my childhood without my toys, but if it meant I didn't have to clean it, it was worth it all. The plan got shot to crap the moment my dad was all, "What the hell!" and picked the lock with a pen. And I thought it was such a brilliant plan...

Watching in disbelief as my little brother - a toddler at the time - crawled under the table and the tried to stand up, hitting his head and then yelling, "Shit!"

Waking inside my house on my birthday to find a yellow brick road made of construction paper with clues about little munchkins waiting for me in the basement, leading to a surprise Wizard of Oz birthday party.

Losing my front teeth in a caramel apple when I went over to the neighbor kid's house to play.

Learning how to play pacman on our ginormous new computer. It was super high tech with a brown screen and orange lettering.

Watching ET in the basement with my family for the first time, and covering my eyes during the part at the end where ET is in all those tubey things and looks all powdery and chalky.

Using masking tape to put prices on all my toys, pretending I had my own store.

Sitting on the sidewalk in front of my house capturing ants with a shovel and putting them in buckets, naming each and every one.

Making volcanoes in the sandbox with a vinegar concoction of some kind.

When we travel back to the town we used to live in, we drive by our old house. It looks the same, but now it's gray instead of black and white. And it seems smaller. The neighbors who lived in the green house next door are still there. They told us people moved in who were selling crack or some other illegal drug.

Frickin' idiots.

Our family was never made of money, but my parents sure did a heck of a lot of things to make sure we had a buttload of fun memories to look back on.

And that, to me, is one of the things I get most excited about when it comes to being a parent. Now it's my turn to teach my kid all sorts of fun stuff like how to start a rock collection, how to make volcanoes in your back yard, and how to get out of cleaning your room for 3 minutes. There's so much to look forward to!

This post is a part of Writer's Workshop, hosted by Mama Kat over at Mama's Losin' It

Wait, wait. I'm having a moment here...

Sometimes all I want is just a minute.

Well, that's a lie. I want more than a minute. I'd like 5, 10, 45 minutes, or hey - how about a whole afternoon? A whole day? A weekend? That's probably pushing it...

My life has a tendency to spin a bit out of control at times, just as I'm sure yours does from time to time. Things pile up, the stress continues to mount, and I reach a point where I have a hard time just carrying on as usual.

Sometimes it just gets to be too much, and if I could just have a minute (and by minute I mean at least a couple of hours), I could function oh-so-much better.

Do you ever have those times in your life where you feel like so much is going on that you don't have the ability to just sit? Just be? Just think and ponder and reflect and get back to basics?

That's what kind of time I'm having.

I try to wind down every night by reading a book before bed. It relaxes me, it distracts my mind, makes my eyes tired, and helps me get a restful night's sleep. But even that doesn't give me what I ultimately need, and the majority of the time, I don't make what I need a priority.

I think it has to do with the fact that there are these unspoken expectations that go along with being a wife and a mother and, in general, a woman in today's world. I think we're finally making some progress as it is becoming more acceptable to take care of ourselves, but that is not how it's been for women in our society.

You can talk about women's liberation until you're blue in the face, but the fact is - we are still followed around with these expectations that we are supposed to do certain things and be a certain way.

Cook dinner. Take care of your babies. Listen. Nurture. Behave. Don't be bitchy. Don't be rude. Volunteer. Don't lose your temper. Don't confront. Say yes. Go there. Be there. Do this. Do that.

It's so sad that for many of us, it's like pulling teeth just to say no to something. We're plagued by this guilt, and for those of us that are moms, we all suffer from Mommy Guilt in its many forms.

Guilt...

For not spending enough time with our kids.
For not feeding them organic or fresh food.
For giving them pre-packaged, microwave it in 30 seconds lunches.
For plopping them in front of the TV so we can have some silence.
For wanting to get away.
For using formula instead of breast feeding.
For getting mad at them.
For yelling at them.

We're scared...

Of being judged.
Of not being perfect.
Of not being as good as those other moms who appear have it all together.
That we really can't handle all that comes our way.

But, that's not how it's supposed to be.

We shouldn't plague ourselves with guilt. We shouldn't be scared of failing or of being judged or of falling short of the mark.

We are humans. We are moms. And we are doing the best that we can.

But, if there's one thing we suck at, it's taking care of ourselves. Taking care of ourselves without the guilt...

...Realizing that just because we want to get away from our kids and our spouses and our homes and our responsibilities - THAT DOES NOT MEAN WE ARE BAD MOMS.

We can't be on our game if we're burning the candle at both ends and constantly on edge about something because we've just had it up to HERE and feel like we're going to crack. We have so much on our plates as women - I don't care if you have kids, work outside the home, are married, are single, whatever. The mere fact that we are women automatically means that we have a tremendous amount of responsibility, stress, and unrealistic expectations.

We all just need a minute. A minute to breathe, to think, to be ALONE and not be bothered.

I've felt the need for my own little minute coming for quite a while now, and the events of the past couple weeks, eventually resulting in my 16-month-old spending 3 nights in the hospital have only made that more clear to me.

I have so much on my mind. I feel so overwhelmed. And I am still shook up about everything that happened. But, I came home to past due bills, piles of laundry, not a clean pair of underwear in sight, and a kitchen full of dirty dishes. I couldn't just melt down. I had things to tend to.

So, hmmm...have a much-needed cry fest and let everything out, or gee - get our house payment in the mail yesterday to avoid late fees and annoying calls at 8:45 p.m. from the idiots at the bank? Let's go ahead and just make that payment. The breakdown can wait for another day...

I want to be able to just sit and think. I want some time to myself where I don't feel the need to accomplish chores and run errands and be productive.

And Friday, I'm going to have my minute.

I've got to play the mom card first thing in the morning to take Kaylee to a follow-up appointment, but after that...I'm a free woman.

I'm getting a spa pedicure at a fancy little spa (thank you Colin and Sarah!) where they have huge cushy chairs that you sink way down into. They have big copper bowls with marbles in the bottom, bubbles galore, and rose petals on top of the bubbles where your toes soak and soak and soak. There's scrubbing and massaging and hot paraffin wax dips. And beautimous toes, freshly painted in what I'm guessing will be a deep, sparkly red.

Who knows what will come after that. All I know is there will be no washing of clothes or dishes, no paying of bills, no poopy diapers, no naptimes (unless I decide I want a nap), no crying from people whose name is not Sera, and no stress.

I don't have a plan. And that's how I want it. No strings. No real plans. Just time. Time to chill out, to let things sink in, to cry if I want to, and to get myself back together - back where I feel like I can handle things again and where I feel more at peace.

What would YOU do with a minute?

*This post is a part of Mama Kat's brainchild - Writer's Workshop - taking place every Thursday over at Mama's Losin' It.

I've got my baby back, baby back, baby back.

After a week that included 3 trips to the pediatrician's office, breathing treatments every 4 hours, one course of antibiotics, one late-night trip to the ER, a chest x-ray, lab tests, fevers nearly reaching 105, a second course of antibiotics, a nasty ear infection and virtually no sleep for anybody, you can bet your bottom dollar that sitting on the porch swing yesterday with my baby looking back at me like this was one of the best things EVER.

I've got my baby back.

This post is a part of Wordful Wednesdays over at Angie's 7 Clown Circus.

A little bit 'o this...a little bit 'o that.

I have been more absent from the blog lately because I've been bopping around town with Kaylee. So, let me just give you a quick little synopsis of what's been up.

I won't be posting tomorrow, but come back Saturday when I'll have my very first Blogversations with Summer video up!

Ok, so let's begin.

1. Remember how I asked you to wish us luck at Story Time at the library? You owe me an apology because you sure as heck didn't wish hard enough... It sucked. Hard core. The leader was great with the kids - they loved him. But I couldn't stand him. Sorry. I just couldn't. We bolted after about 20 minutes. I guess it was just his voice or something - I don't know. It seemed like he was on pot or something. He was way too calm and smiley and weird. But, I decided we'll check out the other local library for story time, and if that's a bust, we'll just stick to Good Night Moon and the like here in the comfort of home.

2. Kaylee loves me. She really does. And I think the playing more and cleaning less is really making a difference. And, to be honest, it's way more fun. I would take a picture of my house to show you how neglected it is, but you can just refer to my previous posts about my messy house and multiply the mess by 3. But, it's okay because it's been a great week. It really does seem to be a back and forth thing with her preferring Dennis one minute and me the next, but she's definitely going to me a lot more than she was before, and that makes me really, really happy.

3. I joined the gym again yesterday (we've been on again off again gym members depending on how our budget is, and depending on if I actually choose to get my butt to the gym). Well, my pants don't fit anymore, and I'm sick of feeling like crap about it, so I'm back in the game. Kaylee and I went to Mommy and Me today, and apparently my butt is not made entirely of fat because I don't think fat hurts. I've definitely strained some muscles, and it is hard to walk. So, yeah - I'm pretty pumped about it getting back in the swing of things. I'll be hittin' up the aerobics studio (I am a step aerobics fanatic - I LOVE it!), the elliptical, recumbent bike (because it makes me feel like I'm not working), and maybe even a spin class if I really want to torture myself. More on that to come, I'm sure.

4. If you haven't entered my giveaways, you need to get right on that. Check out the dates on the right sidebar - it's late and I'm choosing not to go back and look at the deadlines. But seriously - go enter them.

5. I went to Old Navy to get Kaylee a hat with a chin strap today because she just pulls her other hats off. Well, be still my heart if it wasn't the last day of the $5 baby sale. Would you believe that the cute, hip baby clothes on the first rack (that are NEVER on sale until next season) were all 5 bucks?!? All the baby stuff was 5 bucks. It was nuts! I got her a cute dress, 2 pairs of shoes, the hat, light pink pants that are capris that roll up into shorts, and a swimsuit (
which is too big and will need to go back) After we put Kaylee in her jammies for the night I put the hat on her so she could get used to it. She tried yankin' it off at first, but I bet she cruised around in that thing for a good hour. What a sight - pink and white polka dotted footie pajamas and a bright multi-colored flower sun hat.

6. I DVR'd In the Motherhood on ABC tonight. LOVED the web versions with Jenny McCarthy and Lea Remini (totally butchered the spelling of her name, but I'm too tired to Google it right now). Laughed my BUTT off, in fact, and now they've made a TV series of it. Can't wait to watch it. The previews looked great.

7. That reminds me - I now have THREE weeks of Grey's and Private Practice to catch up on, and I only have 2 days off of work next week - maybe we'll stay home a little more next week...I still don't know what's wrong with Izzy (don't you DARE spoil it for me, either!).

8. American Idol. We all knew Danny would be safe another week. Thank goodness. My heart has now resumed it's regular beating pattern. But, I think it's about time for Megan to go. She's getting to be a bit much.

So, this actually turned out to be a LOTTA bit 'o this and a little bit 'o that, but I have a hard time keeping things short and sweet.

Happy Friday to you all, and be sure to come back for Blogversations on Saturday!