Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Don't Bite the Boob That Feeds You

Dear Kaylee,

My boob is not a chew toy. I mean it, little missy.

Last night I nearly shot through the roof with the excruciating pain that accompanied your attempt to slice off my nipple with your jagged tooth. I know you feel the need to knaw on something, but please - I beg you. Use the cold, wet washcloth that I give you. Use a sock. Use your toes. Use a teething ring, for Pete's sake. Just please, keep your jagged little tooth off of my booby. It still hurts and you bit it over 12 hours ago.

I've been kind enough to open the booby bar 24 hours a day for you. The least you can do in return is NOT BITE THE BOOB THAT FEEDS YOU.

Now, I'm going to have to look this up to verify it, but I'm pretty much 99.99 % positive that my health insurance will not pay to have my nipple surgically reattached if you bite it off. I'm sure the out of pocket cost for such a procedure is not cheap. Your dad and I are not made of money. Not only that, but biting off my nipple will rob your future sibling of the boob, and that's just plain mean of you.

Do you want a cookie? A pony? A puppy? Just tell me what you want, and if you promise never to bite my boob again, it's yours in a heartbeat. Seriously.


Liz said...

Aghhghgh! I've always wondered if things like that happened with kids, and yikes, I guess they do.

Anonymous said...

*L* We've been there, but luckily it only happened a couple times right as E-Man was getting teeth. I still don't think he ever meant to really do it. But after that he never bit me again. I hope it's short lived for yours too. It definitely does not feel good.

Anonymous said...

I've tried just about everything in the 2+ years I've CD'ed and I must say that I'm happiest with some pretty embellished prefolds. They work the best and always the perfect fit for my little one since I do the folding. I love them. And not to mention they come the cleanest. Something wonderful in the simplicity of them. :)

mommaof4wife2r said...

i'm just wondering if i can steal your letter for sofie! she is totally thinking this whole biting me thing is tooooo funny. it's not. just so you know! ha!

Kelly said...

OUCH! I just had flashbacks! I breastfed my daughter for 9 mos and it was only toward the end when she started nibbling on the booby! This ultimately led me to stop before the year mark. Bleeding nipples are not fun!

Jenners said...

Again with the two posts in one day! How could that little angel of yours bite that hard? With that cute face?

You totally crack me up ... as always!

Krazy Armstrong K's! said...

oh man, i remember that.... and i think my nipple hurts a little bit just thinking about it! lol becareful!

Kelly said...

All I can say is ha!!! I know it so isn't funny, but this post made me smile :)