I love the fact that I work 2 or 3 days a week and get to stay home with Kaylee the other days, but on days when I go to work, I often feel discombobulated.
Take tonight, for instance. I go to work, work all day, get off at 4:30, pick Kaylee up at 4:45, go to the store, pick up dinner, and get home at about 6. Play with baby, eat dinner, put baby to bed. Hubby is in bed. Laundry from yesterday is still in the washer and dryer. Dishes are piling up in the sink (HATE that...), and I'm just trying to unwind and not having much luck with it. And I feel too lazy to do the laundry or the dishes. I am out of motivation and out of energy.
Tonight is also the first night I'm "on call" for work. I'm actually training with another social worker to be on call in the Emergency Department. They say you don't sleep well at all the week you're on call, and now I know what they mean. I'm just sitting here wondering if I'll get paged, and I'm contemplating how pissed I'll be if I get paged approximately 4 minutes after I fall asleep. Seriously - I'll be a bit upset. Ok, a lot upset. But then I'll remind myself that I get paid time and a half if I get called in. A little cash money around the holidays never hurt a girl.
I love my job because it's never the same. One day I help an 82-year-old get into the nursing home, and the next day I'm calling CPS because a mother admitted to doing crack on her way to the hospital to have her baby. Today proved to be another interesting day. It's never dull.
First, there was the 50-something alcoholic who said he's trying to drink himself to death (and who, unfortunately, doesn't realize that when you reposition yourself and don't have your hospital gown pulled down correctly and the blanket over you enough, you flash the whole room! Sh*t, people! This is why I became a social worker and not a nurse. I want to be in people's business - not SEE their business. Ah...life in the hospital...). That was sad, but it was also a vicious cycle that he's been dealing with his whole life. You feel bad for them, but then you realize that in all reality, they'll probably never change (I know, I'm pretty young to be so cynical, but it's true - and yes, I know there's always exceptions to the rule).
Then there was the college kid who was very sick. Mentally. It was heart breaking. It just makes me sad that mental illnesses like schizophrenia and paranoia even exist. I just pray that medication can give this kid a somewhat of a normal life.
My work gives me a chance to step out of "mommy mode." I get to use a different part of my brain and interact with other adults. And I think it's good for Kaylee to interact with another adult every now and then, too. We all need a break. But still, I wonder if I'll ever get a better handle on balancing work and home. It's not easy mixing the two.
How about you? Are you a stay-at-home mom? Do you work outside the home? How long was it before you felt like you had a handle on balancing stuff, or are you like me, and you're still not there quite yet?
I honestly wouldn't want it any other way. I wouldn't want to be home full time, and I wouldn't want to work full-time, but I'm just still not quite sure how to balance both. Oh well.