The ass kicking began with a fair amount of these 5 milligram beauties, otherwise known in our house as ABP's. (Click here to read why we call them ABP's, and to read my first post about postpartum depression). Technically speaking, I was taking Lexapro, but it's just so much more fun to say ABP's.
Postpartum depression looks different for everyone, and for me, it was irritability (my polite way of saying "bitchiness"). I didn't feel "depressed" - I was just pissed off as heck most of the time. I think my husband lived in constant fear of saying the wrong thing for fear that I would bite his head off.
I don't remember a lot of the things I said or did when I was the resident Ice Queen, but I'm sure it wasn't even safe for him to offer to do the dishes. The conversation probably would have gone something like this:
Dennis: Hey honey, do you want me to load the dishwasher?
Me: What do you MEAN "Do you want me to load the dishwasher?" Just what are you trying to say? You know I already think I suck at keeping this house clean. It doesn't help at all for you to rub it in my face!
Dennis: But, I wasn't...I was just -
Me: I don't CARE! You wouldn't have had to ask if I could just do my damn job and keep the dishes clean around here.
And then, before stomping off, I would probably slam a cabinet or door, or something near me that was slammable.
I distinctly remember the day that I realized Dennis knew something was amiss with his once funny, bubbly, and pretty much care-free wife.
We went out for an afternoon together, just the two of us. We were getting ready to climb into the car when this old guy drives by us and gives us the ultimate stare down for reasons that I still can't figure out. He drives by, and as soon as he passes, I mutter under my breath, "What are you lookin' at, Country Club..."
Dennis uttered three words that made me stop in my tracks.
He said, "There's my Sera!"
Instantly, I realized that I couldn't remember the last time I cracked a joke.
It finally hit me that I didn't feel at all like myself. And I couldn't remember the last time that I did.