Monday, November 9, 2009

Ugly Mommy Moments

We all have them, don't we?

Today I let myself stay in a funk. I shouldn't have. But, I did.

I was halfway to work and I got a call from my boss stating there were hardly any patients at the hospital, so I didn't need to come in. Second time this pay period. OUCH.

I came home. I cleaned for an hour and a half straight. Hey, being mad has it's advantages, and for me - it often means something gets cleaned.

We'd already paid the babysitter for the 2 days she is scheduled to have Kaylee this week, so I figured I'd just get some stuff done. I spent the day cleaning, working on bills, working and re-working the budget, trying to make the numbers look prettier than they are, and found some stuff to sell and put it on Craigslist.

I packed up some clothes Kaylee's outgrown, as well as some other baby paraphernalia, and I had grand plans to haul it off to the resale store and take what they didn't want to Goodwill. Then...I was going to go to the library (because I cruised through A Girl Named Zippy in less than a week and read The Time Traveler's Wife in 2 days) and get some new books.

But...I realized I left my wallet in the diaper bag. The diaper bag that was with Kaylee. At the babysitter's. And I decided it would be best if I didn't drive without my license.

And I let the funk creep into my day. I hate it when I do that, but by the time Dennis got home, I was on the verge of tears, until I finally let some fall and I just told Dennis how stressed I was.

I feel crappy that I keep getting called off work. I hate that money is so tight. I hate having to worry.

So, I cried and vented for a short while, and then I went to the library, where I picked out 4 new books.

I hurried back home so Dennis could leave in time for karate, and then I listened to Kaylee have a toddler breakdown when he left. Which she tends to do. Pretty much every time he leaves.

Really - I swear I'm fun to be around, but she's such a Daddy's girl, and I've come to accept that. Sometimes she'd rather cry that he's gone than just calm down and have fun with me.

So, I'm still feeling a bit funky and between her screams, tears, and pleas for Dada and EWMO- PEAAAAS?!?! I had zero patience.

I was so frustrated with her. I was upset that she couldn't just get over the fact that Dennis was gone. He would be back, but I hadn't seen her all day. Come on, child! Have some fun with your mother already, would you?!

She wouldn't eat her dinner. She was mad when Elmo (yes, I finally caved and put on Elmo) wasn't on the screen. She was all done, all done, all done, all done with her dinner, but she'd hardly touched it.

So, I let her be. I let her sit in her chair, and I didn't watch her. She ate a few bites. I layed down on the couch and I said a quick prayer. Just asking for a little help. Apologizing for being such a cranky, whiny mommy to my adorable little girl who still can't quite communicate so I understand what she wants and needs all the time. For taking out my frustrations on her by not being patient.

And I asked for help tomorrow. Because tomorrow is fresh and new, and it's a clean slate. Ugly Mommy may have reared her head today, but it doesn't mean she has to tomorrow.


Summer said...

Sounds like sooooo many of my days. Seriously.

You're not alone my sweets...and yes, tomorrow is another day!

Loukia said...

You are not alone... I have days like this very often. It is not easy, having to juggle everything, having all this stress about everything and having to be cheerful all the time... it can be very frustrating, you know? As a mom... I totally get it. Try not to feel too bad about your behaviour! I yell at my boys more than I should and I lose my patience too often. Being a parent is not easy!

Sassy Chica said...

I will vouch that you are a great person and lots of fun to be around and ugly mommy happens to the best of us!! Life is stressful for most right now, with many variables, stay strong and know that this too will pass!

Sassy Chica

Mama Nut said...

I found your blog and had been following it for awhile but recently starting get back into the swing of things. I SO know the yucky feelings of ugly mommy moments. With five kids whom I homeschool all day I can get a little grumpy every now and then. Like you, I'm always thankful for a new day, a clean slate, and for forgiving children who love us unconditionally!

Molly said...

Oh, girl. You weren't the only ugly mommy today. I'm sick today, and I just want to lay on the couch and watch tv. Ha! Impossible! I love my baby, but really, if he grabbed the back of my knees and pushed me to the snack cabinet one more time today, I was gonna loose it. He only wants daddy lately, and its driving me nuts. Good thing God has new mercies every day. Or else I would be going to hell. No doubt.

Alicia said...

oh girl....i hear you on that...and you know what. its ok to have those days...we all do! but i hope that you have an even better day tomorrow!! and you know what, a lot of moms around here participate in focus groups to earn extra cash, do they have them down there? it may be worth a shot!! keep your chin up lady!!

Rachel McPhillips said...

Addison is a COMPLETE daddy's girl too, so I feel your pain. I'm glad for him that she is that way, but it stings a little. I understand about the work stuff too. I just keep praying and hope I gain a little more patience everyday.

Michelle aka Mommy said...

amen sister! i'm proud of you...proud of you for being able to see that you were just having a funky day. and i'm more proud that you were able and willing to share it with us. i think getting it [the anger/helplessness] off your chest and into words is the best therapy. thank you for sharing. it helps to know that i'm not the only one out there that can be ugly.

Anonymous said...

Ugly Mommy is a part of being a mom. It happens. We have our good days and bad days just like our kids. I hope some good days are coming your way. :)

Allyson said...

oh, i've had those days, too. i think every mom has. you are not alone! just are are a wonderful mommy....breathe


Melissa, Multi-Tasking Mama said...

Stress gets the best of all of us- you did exactly the right thing by taking it to the only One that can make it all better...hang in there =)

Jenners said...

First of all, I am over the moon that you liked both of those books!!!! They are two of my all-time favorites.

Second, we all have Ugly Mommy Moments. I know I do and I feel so guilty afterwards but we're only human. And the other day, my son actually said "I wish Daddy was home. I'm tired of being stuck with you." It gets worse when they are verbal and can articulate their exact feelings. I felt like saying "Right back at ya, kiddo."

Laura said...

Sera what a wonderful and honest post. We all have these kinds of days and its wonderful that you can take a step back and see it for what it is. If we don't have these kinds of days then its hard to appreciate the good ones. Good for you over and over!