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It's the night before my sweet little Kaylee Bug turns two years old.
I came in here to write after spending a short while with her before bed, where we read her favorite new book - Ladybug Girl, and she asked to say her "pears" (prayers) - prayers in which she frequently thanks Jesus for things like Captain Feathersword from The Wiggles, as well as other important things like candy, Costco and Grandma.
After the reading of the book (and my refusal to read the book again), the pears, and the stalling, I succumbed to her request of "Mommy yay down, too?"
So, this little mommy yayed down, too.
And, in those little moments, I realized how far we'd come in two years.
We made it through postpartum depression and anxiety, an overwhelming sense of when in the hell am I going to figure this whole motherhood thing out (answer = uh, never), very sleepless, unpredictable nights, the horror of teething, so many firsts, so many laughs and tears and holycrapIamgoingtoLOSEit moments.
We've made it through so much. And while I will always remember those really, really hard times - the belief that I would literally never sleep again, the terrifying panic and worry, the worse-than-contractions-kind-of-pain I had after giving birth, the insane sleep deprivation, the unbearable irritability, our 9-month battle with breast feeding, Kaylee's refusal to take naps for her first 12 months of life, multiple trips to the ER and a stay in the children's hospital, and did I mention the sleep deprivation? - I can honestly tell you that I don't have anywhere near the vivid imagery of those events that I did months ago. The emotional pain of those struggles fades more and more as time goes on, believe it or not, and I thank God for that.
When I look back on the last 2 years, those really sucky moments are not what stands out most to me anymore. For the longest time, I couldn't get past those haunting memories. I felt like they were so deeply etched in my mind, and for the longest time, I had a hard time believing things would get much better, or that it would ever become easier for me to look back and not have those be the most dominating memories I had of being a mother.
Will I ever completely forget what that junk was like? Oh, heck no. I will always remember how real and how difficult those days and months were. But now, I'm able to see myself as an even tougher woman for actually surviving all that. Those were bumps in the road that helped me grow, helped me learn more about myself, and helped to stir up a passion in myself to help other women who are either in that boat now or who have been there in the past.
Now, when I play that little slideshow in my head of the past 2 years, I see things like Kaylee taking her first steps in our office, and then later that night, taking more steps out in the living room after Dennis bribed her with a cookie.
I see her enjoying her first bite of cake, courtesy of my Dad.
I see her running all the way across a soccer field, just to get to the dirt border around the outside so she can play in the dirt and rocks instead of the soft grass.
I see a little girl who decided all on her own that it was time to start potty training, and who pretty much always thinks it's okay to just sit all the live long day on the toilet and "go potty more!" only to get off the toilet, state matter-of-factly, "Don't pee on da floor" and then proceed to pee on the floor.
I see her jacking a can of V8 out of the fridge and toting it around pretending to drink out of it as she walks around the house, and then saying, "Ahhhhh" after she's finished with her pretend drink.
I see a little girl who knows her ABC's and sings the Ippy Pider (Itsy Bitsy Spider) song all on her own.
I see a little girl who uttered, "Dammit!" in Wal-Mart today after I dropped a box of pasta off the shelf.
I see all the times Kaylee's face lit up each and every time Uncle Colin and Sarah came home from college after she'd gone months without seeing them.
I see my spunky little smiling, energetic, funny, smart, absolutely beautiful baby girl.
And, finally, I see myself as a damn good mother.
I no longer see a failure who still can't keep the house clean, who occasionally swears and loses my patience and struggles to stay sane some days. I no longer see a mess of a mom who never had it together.
Now I see a woman who balances a marriage, a job, friendships, family, being a mother, and trying to have some time to myself, among other things like oh, paying the bills and planning meals and countless other super-fun responsibilities.
I see a woman who still swears and loses my patience and struggles to stay sane, but now I see that as normal, rather than seeing it as a character flaw. I still don't have it together many days, and I know I will never "arrive" at a place where I'll have it all together. That'd be a load of crap. I see a mama who does her best and who realizes, more often than not, that that's all I can do.
Forget the pressure to be the perfect mother, to have a clean house, and to be Pollyanna. Screw than, man. It's just not me.
I see the way my daughter has turned out, and I know I've done okay. And I know I will do okay.
While I may not be proud of everything I do and the way I react to everything, I realize that's just fine. And I realize that my daughter needs to see that. She needs to see her mama as human. As imperfect and sometimes messy. As one in need of a daily happy pill and some time to myself, and a good, healthy dose of Grey's Anatomy once a week.
We made it.
We made it two years. And while she tries my patience like no other, she just keeps getting more fun.
Fun enough to give me the crazy notion that it's finally time to do this whole thing over again.
God help me...
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Chart Toppers: my top 10 favorite cookbooks {at the moment...}
Welcome to day three of Food Week on Laughing Through the Chaos - click the links below to catch up if you need to!
Later this week I'll be bustin' out some of my favorite recipes to share with you (some new, some old), so I thought it was only appropriate that we talk about cookbooks and other places I find my recipes before we actually check out the recipes themselves. Today it's all about the cookbooks. Tomorrow I'll share my favorite food blogs, websites, and iPod/iPhone apps related to food.
I broke all these bad boys up into categories in case you're looking for something specific. I received many of my cookbooks as gifts, some I bought online, and others were borrowed from friends or checked out from the library.
When it comes to buying cookbooks, I highly recommend checking out local used bookstores or checking online for the best deals. I'd say close to 90% of the time I buy books online, I buy them on Amazon.com because you can get used copies in good condition for super cheap. Another great site I bought books from in college is Half.com, where you'll also find great deals on books. Or, better than paying anything, go to your library and borrow the book, or ask friends if you can peruse their cookbook collections and borrow from them.You don't need to spend a bunch of money to get good ideas for recipes.
The most special cookbook I have was given to me by mom mom as a wedding gift. She compiled recipes that have been in our family for years, got recipes from Dennis's mom that were his favorites, and she had Dennis's sister illustrate it. I remember looking through it the first time, seeing some recipes and realizing it had been years since I'd eaten some of them, but they instantly brought back great memories of my child hood and the creative ways my mom would prepare foods for us. The book itself is something I'll always treasure, with many personal touches from my mom thrown in throughout the book. It's something that I will one day add to and share with Kaylee. I just couldn't include a post about cookbooks without mentioning it.
So, here are some of my favorite cookbooks, with little tidbits about why I love each of them.
Healthy
by Kathy Kastan and Suzanne Banfield
This is a cookbook I checked out from the library. While I didn't find a bunch of recipes that I thought our family would particularly like, I would be tempted to buy this book just for all the reference material at the beginning. The whole first part of the book lists many, many heart healthy foods and discusses the health benefits of each. I learned so much in those pages.I was fascinated by how powerful a role our food choices play in our health. There are so many foods that have been shown to prevent diseases, so it was just more motivation to continue preparing healthy meals from scratch.
by Lisa Lillien
Hands down, this is the best cookbook ever. I am absolutely in LOVE with it, and there are still oh-so-many recipes I'm dying to try but still haven't had the chance to. Every recipe in this book is under 200 calories, and the Weight Watchers Points values are also listed on the Hungry Girl website for each recipe. This book has it all. Snacks, desserts, breakfast, lunch, dinner, appetizers, drinks - holy bananas, it's phenomenal. Lisa takes everybody's favorites like french toast, cinnamon rolls, cookies and cakes, and changes them up to be healthy. You'd expect them to taste nasty with so few calories, but I am in awe of how delicious and decadent her recipes are. Kaylee is crazy about the banana pancakes from this book. I make a big batch and freeze them, and they make a really quick and healthy breakfast for her. If you pay full price for any cookbook, make it be this one.
One of my coworkers let me browse through this cookbook, and I found some absolutely amazing recipes. I've done Weight Watchers in the past, and really enjoyed some of the recipes on their website, so I had high expectations and I was not disappointed with what I found in this cookbook. Again - all sorts of things from muffins to cakes, fish, soups, poultry - something for everyone. All nutrition information is listed, and since it's Weight Watchers, you know all the recipes are healthy. All too often I look through cookbooks and only find a few recipes that seem worth trying, but not this one. This is one I hope to buy soon because it is filled with so many recipes that just sound amazing!
Crock Pot/Slow Cooker
by Stephanie O'Dea
Ok, so I don't actually own this cookbook - YET, but I want it really, really bad. You may have heard of The Crockpot Lady. She used her crockpot every day for a year, and wrote a blog to chronicle the whole thing. This is a book filled with some of those recipes. Her blog is amazing, and she includes pictures of all the ingredients and the finished product. She's a mom, so you won't find any crazy, off-the-wall ingredients, and all of her recipes are gluten-free. On her website (http://crockpot365.blogspot.com), she talks about how she tries to limit the amount of sodium, fat, and processed foods that she and her family consume. This is another cookbook I know you wouldn't regret buying. Her stuff is deee-licious.
by Dawn J. Ranck and Phyllis Pellman Good
One of my aunts sent me this cookbook in 2005 after I'd written an email about the crock pot being my "new best friend." This book has over 800 crock pot recipes, submitted from people all over the country. Like many of my other favorite cookbooks, I love the incredible variety this one has! It's not just crock pot soups or pot roasts (although there are plenty of those recipes listed) - there's dessert, breakfast, appetizers, veggies, beverages and more. One other thing I love about the book is that there are so many variations on similar recipes that if you don't like one particular pot roast, you're bound to find another one that suits you better. There are also handy little crock pot tips throughout the entire book.
Reference Cookbooks
Dennis's mom gave us our Betty Crocker cookbook shortly before we were married. This serves as one of the main cooking references in my kitchen. If I haven't heard of a specific method of cooking before (i.e. blanching), or if I decide to be all brave and try a new vegetable, but have no idea how to cook it, I bust out Big Betty. There are handy tables that list different methods for cooking veggies, tips on selecting good produce and suggestions about how to store foods properly. The back cover has a chart for emergency substitutions if you happen to be out of a vital ingredient. I use this cookbook primarily for reference, and not so much for recipes, but it's an invaluable reference book in my kitchen as is evidenced by the many food splatters that adorn its pages.
Babies/Children
by Juliette Kellow and Sunil Vijayakar
This was a Christmas gift from my mom. I've always struggled with feeding Kaylee, and she's pretty tiny, so for the longest time I worried about whether she was getting enough nutrition and if I was choosing the right foods for her. It's so important to me that I instill healthy eating habits with her at a young age. My hope is that she'll develop a love for healthy foods including a variety of fruits and veggies. But, like many kids her age, she can be picky, and she's regularly practicing her ability to say things like, "I no yike it" before she's even tried it, so I have to get creative. This book is absolutely packed with healthy recipes, menu plans for different age groups, information on why kids need certain nutrients, how you can present the same foods in different ways to try and get your kids to eat them, and of course - recipes. The book focuses on "miracle foods" - things like blueberries, kiwifruit, eggs, yogurt, sweet potatoes, avocados, etc. The book discusses how these particular foods can help our kiddos protect themselves against future heart disease, diabetes and other illnesses, as well as the immediate benefits they offer, like helping to prevent things like constipation and anemia. I think all caregivers of children can benefit immensely from this book, and it would make a great gift for expectant or new moms as well.
by Valerie Barrett
This was another gift from my mom. This book is also filled with great resource information regarding allergies and intolerances, appropriate serving sizes for children, tips on cooking, freezing and reheating homemade baby food, and even ideas for for babies who are on vegetarian diets. The book is broken into age-appropriate recipes and meal ideas for babies and toddlers at each stage of their development. The photography in this book is gorgeous and sooo cute! The tiny little kid portions and utensils are just adorable. This is another fantastic resource for anyone with kids.
Refreshments
My mom got me this cookbook a few years back at Kohl's during one of my smoothie kicks - I definitely go in spurts with the smoothies. One of the authors, Lindsay, is also a nutritionist, so the first part of the book has some basic nutrition information and discusses the health benefits of several foods. The rest of the books has a crazy variety of smoothie recipes. I'm talking everything from smoothies for athletes, for stress management, for men, women, children, breakfast, lunch, dinner - even special occasion smoothies. Love this book.
Please leave a comment tell me what your favorite cookbook is!
Please leave a comment tell me what your favorite cookbook is!
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Oh, how she breaks us down...
A few weeks ago Dennis and I began having the conversation about when to nix the pacifier. The consensus was to try and do away with it when Kaylee turned 2 (which is just around the corner).
We also agreed that it may very well be harder on us than it is on her.
The pacifier (which she fondly refers to as her "night-night") is an instant silencer 97.6% of the time. It saves me from public embarrassment in restaurants, grocery stores, and the library. It helps her go to sleep. It seems to be the magic ingredient that gets her to take naps.
And it is also her own sad little version of crack cocaine.
Recently, we've noticed she's taken up quite the attachment to the dearly beloved night-night - moreso than usual. We suspected that maybe she senses the end is near, and she better take what she can get before it's taken from her.
So - today, as she asked for it for pretty much each and every waking moment, we realized we should probably nip this thing in the bud before the big birthday. It's really getting pretty pathetic. Our rule used to be "only when you're sleeping," but our little manipulator broke us down at some unidentifiable point (I'm guessing during an illness or a way-too-frigging-long car ride), and we bent the rules.
We decided, in a decision that was nothing short of impulsive, that tonight would be the night. I told Dennis she would break us.
And break us she did.
We had about a 20 minute car ride that consisted of complete and utter drawn out wailing and screaming and sobbing and the most pathetic, tearful scream of, "I. NEED. my. NIGHT-NIGHT!"
Over. And over. And over. Again.
Sometimes all Dennis and I could do was to simply look over at each other and burst into laughter. She sounded so very desperate and needy.
And her screams were beginning to break down our very cores.
Dammit!
We got in the house, Dennis tried to calm her down by cuddling with her on the couch, but nothing would do the trick. We decided to cave.
I dug a pacifier out from one of the multiple pockets of my newly purchased Destructed Khakis from Old Navy (so stinking comfy!) and tossed the pacifier to Dennis on the couch. He dropped it, and then pointed it out to Kaylee and told her to go get it.
She scurried over to it, squatted down on the floor, and just stared at it, probably thinking something along the lines of, "Where have you BEEN all my LIFE! I freaking LOVE you!" Then she promptly popped that sucker in her mouth and carried on as usual.
Instant transformation. Nothing but smiles and songs and cute little jibberish like, "Don't hit Mommy! Mommy loves you!" and "I need candy" and "Hee-haw, hee-haw, hee-haw" the rest of the night.
20 minutes. We didn't last more than 20 minutes.
We need serious help.
I am soliciting your advice. Tell me your tried and true methods of nixing the binkie. Sooner, rather than later - please???
We also agreed that it may very well be harder on us than it is on her.
The pacifier (which she fondly refers to as her "night-night") is an instant silencer 97.6% of the time. It saves me from public embarrassment in restaurants, grocery stores, and the library. It helps her go to sleep. It seems to be the magic ingredient that gets her to take naps.
And it is also her own sad little version of crack cocaine.
Recently, we've noticed she's taken up quite the attachment to the dearly beloved night-night - moreso than usual. We suspected that maybe she senses the end is near, and she better take what she can get before it's taken from her.
So - today, as she asked for it for pretty much each and every waking moment, we realized we should probably nip this thing in the bud before the big birthday. It's really getting pretty pathetic. Our rule used to be "only when you're sleeping," but our little manipulator broke us down at some unidentifiable point (I'm guessing during an illness or a way-too-frigging-long car ride), and we bent the rules.
We decided, in a decision that was nothing short of impulsive, that tonight would be the night. I told Dennis she would break us.
And break us she did.
We had about a 20 minute car ride that consisted of complete and utter drawn out wailing and screaming and sobbing and the most pathetic, tearful scream of, "I. NEED. my. NIGHT-NIGHT!"
Over. And over. And over. Again.
Sometimes all Dennis and I could do was to simply look over at each other and burst into laughter. She sounded so very desperate and needy.
And her screams were beginning to break down our very cores.
Dammit!
We got in the house, Dennis tried to calm her down by cuddling with her on the couch, but nothing would do the trick. We decided to cave.
I dug a pacifier out from one of the multiple pockets of my newly purchased Destructed Khakis from Old Navy (so stinking comfy!) and tossed the pacifier to Dennis on the couch. He dropped it, and then pointed it out to Kaylee and told her to go get it.
She scurried over to it, squatted down on the floor, and just stared at it, probably thinking something along the lines of, "Where have you BEEN all my LIFE! I freaking LOVE you!" Then she promptly popped that sucker in her mouth and carried on as usual.
Instant transformation. Nothing but smiles and songs and cute little jibberish like, "Don't hit Mommy! Mommy loves you!" and "I need candy" and "Hee-haw, hee-haw, hee-haw" the rest of the night.
20 minutes. We didn't last more than 20 minutes.
We need serious help.
I am soliciting your advice. Tell me your tried and true methods of nixing the binkie. Sooner, rather than later - please???
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Because those terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days of early motherhood eventually become a thing of the past, just like sleep and your sanity.
When Kaylee was 2 weeks old or 2 months old, or heck - even 6 months old...when I was knee deep in my, "Really? I thought I could do this? I actually thought I was cut out to be a mom? When will I ever sleep again? I will never be able to function as a normal adult again - EVER." days...
...I wish back then I'd had a video clip of the future - a video clip of tonight - to play for myself on those early days that were filled with so much frustration. Those days when I couldn't look at Dennis without snapping something mean back at him, even if he hadn't said anything.
Tonight - I sat back and watched as my baby played with my mom and my dad. I just sat there and took it all in and watched in amazement at where we are at in our lives now.
I just welled up with pride at the things she's doing - talking in these cute little toddler sentences, pushing her dolls all over the house in a cardboard box, telling them, "Ready? Set? GO!" and then "All done!" when she's tired, putting together puzzles and coloring and painting, and showing affection - actually asking for hugs and "noses" (Eskimo kisses).
My once helpless skinny mini baby who just gurgled, smiled, ate, farted and crapped her pants all day is turning into this tiny little person with an extremely strong personality who occasionally makes an angry face at me while yelling garbled words that I can only guess to be some form of toddler profanity invented by another baby genius somewhere else in the world who passed it on to toddlers everywhere. Maybe they learn these toddler swear words (i.e. "MamaYOWado-doYOWnabuggaYOW!") by playing their Elmo DVD's backwards or something when we're not looking. I have no idea.
Anyway - to get back to my point - a night like tonight would have been a light at the end of the tunnel for me during those first few months when I battled the worst part of my depression. Maybe if I'd been able to see what it would be like - what our life would turn into - maybe if I'd seen that someday I would get the sparkle back in my eyes and I would experience joy and pride and contentment, that I would be able to laugh again - maybe it would have been a little easier.
Maybe I would have actually believed that it really would get better.
But, I didn't have a snapshot of my future, and I still turned out okay. And so did my kiddo.
Because, as hard as that time was, it ended.
The really, really horrendously sleepless nights and constant crankiness and persistent funk ended.
And if that's where you're at, yours will end, too. You'll reach a day where you look back, and the hard times won't seem quite so harsh. And it will be because you're strong and you're going to make it through. Even though it seems like the struggles of life right after a baby will never get better, they can - and they will.
Eventually, you'll be able to sleep again, you'll be able to laugh and to feel like yourself. There are different ways of getting to that place, but if you're willing to do what you need to do to take care of yourself, you'll get there.
And once you do, you'll wake up the next morning to pick Ranch dressing out of your kid's hair from the night before, but only after you stub your toe on a spare Mr. Potato head ear, arm, or hat. Then you'll proceed to eat a breakfast consisting of either Cheerios that went soggy because your kid took a monster dump right after you poured the milk, or once-delectable-looking scrambled eggs that are now cold because there was a toddler breakdown when the extremely overplayed Barney DVD began to skip.
You will then walk to the bathroom, and you'll imagine how amazing a 25 minute shower would be. You'll skip the shower because - well, who are we kidding? Do you really need an excuse to skip a shower? (You're a mom now - put in a headband and a ponytail and call it good.) You'll count to 10 v-e-r-y slowly, and then you'll jump right back into the chaos.
Because you are someone's mom. And even though it may not seem like what you signed up for in the first place, in so many ways, it's turned out to be even better.
...I wish back then I'd had a video clip of the future - a video clip of tonight - to play for myself on those early days that were filled with so much frustration. Those days when I couldn't look at Dennis without snapping something mean back at him, even if he hadn't said anything.
Tonight - I sat back and watched as my baby played with my mom and my dad. I just sat there and took it all in and watched in amazement at where we are at in our lives now.
I just welled up with pride at the things she's doing - talking in these cute little toddler sentences, pushing her dolls all over the house in a cardboard box, telling them, "Ready? Set? GO!" and then "All done!" when she's tired, putting together puzzles and coloring and painting, and showing affection - actually asking for hugs and "noses" (Eskimo kisses).
My once helpless skinny mini baby who just gurgled, smiled, ate, farted and crapped her pants all day is turning into this tiny little person with an extremely strong personality who occasionally makes an angry face at me while yelling garbled words that I can only guess to be some form of toddler profanity invented by another baby genius somewhere else in the world who passed it on to toddlers everywhere. Maybe they learn these toddler swear words (i.e. "MamaYOWado-doYOWnabuggaYOW!") by playing their Elmo DVD's backwards or something when we're not looking. I have no idea.
Anyway - to get back to my point - a night like tonight would have been a light at the end of the tunnel for me during those first few months when I battled the worst part of my depression. Maybe if I'd been able to see what it would be like - what our life would turn into - maybe if I'd seen that someday I would get the sparkle back in my eyes and I would experience joy and pride and contentment, that I would be able to laugh again - maybe it would have been a little easier.
Maybe I would have actually believed that it really would get better.
But, I didn't have a snapshot of my future, and I still turned out okay. And so did my kiddo.
Because, as hard as that time was, it ended.
The really, really horrendously sleepless nights and constant crankiness and persistent funk ended.
And if that's where you're at, yours will end, too. You'll reach a day where you look back, and the hard times won't seem quite so harsh. And it will be because you're strong and you're going to make it through. Even though it seems like the struggles of life right after a baby will never get better, they can - and they will.
Eventually, you'll be able to sleep again, you'll be able to laugh and to feel like yourself. There are different ways of getting to that place, but if you're willing to do what you need to do to take care of yourself, you'll get there.
And once you do, you'll wake up the next morning to pick Ranch dressing out of your kid's hair from the night before, but only after you stub your toe on a spare Mr. Potato head ear, arm, or hat. Then you'll proceed to eat a breakfast consisting of either Cheerios that went soggy because your kid took a monster dump right after you poured the milk, or once-delectable-looking scrambled eggs that are now cold because there was a toddler breakdown when the extremely overplayed Barney DVD began to skip.
You will then walk to the bathroom, and you'll imagine how amazing a 25 minute shower would be. You'll skip the shower because - well, who are we kidding? Do you really need an excuse to skip a shower? (You're a mom now - put in a headband and a ponytail and call it good.) You'll count to 10 v-e-r-y slowly, and then you'll jump right back into the chaos.
Because you are someone's mom. And even though it may not seem like what you signed up for in the first place, in so many ways, it's turned out to be even better.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Ugly Mommy Moments
We all have them, don't we?
Today I let myself stay in a funk. I shouldn't have. But, I did.
I was halfway to work and I got a call from my boss stating there were hardly any patients at the hospital, so I didn't need to come in. Second time this pay period. OUCH.
I came home. I cleaned for an hour and a half straight. Hey, being mad has it's advantages, and for me - it often means something gets cleaned.
We'd already paid the babysitter for the 2 days she is scheduled to have Kaylee this week, so I figured I'd just get some stuff done. I spent the day cleaning, working on bills, working and re-working the budget, trying to make the numbers look prettier than they are, and found some stuff to sell and put it on Craigslist.
I packed up some clothes Kaylee's outgrown, as well as some other baby paraphernalia, and I had grand plans to haul it off to the resale store and take what they didn't want to Goodwill. Then...I was going to go to the library (because I cruised through A Girl Named Zippy in less than a week and read The Time Traveler's Wife in 2 days) and get some new books.
But...I realized I left my wallet in the diaper bag. The diaper bag that was with Kaylee. At the babysitter's. And I decided it would be best if I didn't drive without my license.
And I let the funk creep into my day. I hate it when I do that, but by the time Dennis got home, I was on the verge of tears, until I finally let some fall and I just told Dennis how stressed I was.
I feel crappy that I keep getting called off work. I hate that money is so tight. I hate having to worry.
So, I cried and vented for a short while, and then I went to the library, where I picked out 4 new books.
I hurried back home so Dennis could leave in time for karate, and then I listened to Kaylee have a toddler breakdown when he left. Which she tends to do. Pretty much every time he leaves.
Really - I swear I'm fun to be around, but she's such a Daddy's girl, and I've come to accept that. Sometimes she'd rather cry that he's gone than just calm down and have fun with me.
So, I'm still feeling a bit funky and between her screams, tears, and pleas for Dada and EWMO- PEAAAAS?!?! I had zero patience.
I was so frustrated with her. I was upset that she couldn't just get over the fact that Dennis was gone. He would be back, but I hadn't seen her all day. Come on, child! Have some fun with your mother already, would you?!
She wouldn't eat her dinner. She was mad when Elmo (yes, I finally caved and put on Elmo) wasn't on the screen. She was all done, all done, all done, all done with her dinner, but she'd hardly touched it.
So, I let her be. I let her sit in her chair, and I didn't watch her. She ate a few bites. I layed down on the couch and I said a quick prayer. Just asking for a little help. Apologizing for being such a cranky, whiny mommy to my adorable little girl who still can't quite communicate so I understand what she wants and needs all the time. For taking out my frustrations on her by not being patient.
And I asked for help tomorrow. Because tomorrow is fresh and new, and it's a clean slate. Ugly Mommy may have reared her head today, but it doesn't mean she has to tomorrow.
Today I let myself stay in a funk. I shouldn't have. But, I did.
I was halfway to work and I got a call from my boss stating there were hardly any patients at the hospital, so I didn't need to come in. Second time this pay period. OUCH.
I came home. I cleaned for an hour and a half straight. Hey, being mad has it's advantages, and for me - it often means something gets cleaned.
We'd already paid the babysitter for the 2 days she is scheduled to have Kaylee this week, so I figured I'd just get some stuff done. I spent the day cleaning, working on bills, working and re-working the budget, trying to make the numbers look prettier than they are, and found some stuff to sell and put it on Craigslist.
I packed up some clothes Kaylee's outgrown, as well as some other baby paraphernalia, and I had grand plans to haul it off to the resale store and take what they didn't want to Goodwill. Then...I was going to go to the library (because I cruised through A Girl Named Zippy in less than a week and read The Time Traveler's Wife in 2 days) and get some new books.
But...I realized I left my wallet in the diaper bag. The diaper bag that was with Kaylee. At the babysitter's. And I decided it would be best if I didn't drive without my license.
And I let the funk creep into my day. I hate it when I do that, but by the time Dennis got home, I was on the verge of tears, until I finally let some fall and I just told Dennis how stressed I was.
I feel crappy that I keep getting called off work. I hate that money is so tight. I hate having to worry.
So, I cried and vented for a short while, and then I went to the library, where I picked out 4 new books.
I hurried back home so Dennis could leave in time for karate, and then I listened to Kaylee have a toddler breakdown when he left. Which she tends to do. Pretty much every time he leaves.
Really - I swear I'm fun to be around, but she's such a Daddy's girl, and I've come to accept that. Sometimes she'd rather cry that he's gone than just calm down and have fun with me.
So, I'm still feeling a bit funky and between her screams, tears, and pleas for Dada and EWMO- PEAAAAS?!?! I had zero patience.
I was so frustrated with her. I was upset that she couldn't just get over the fact that Dennis was gone. He would be back, but I hadn't seen her all day. Come on, child! Have some fun with your mother already, would you?!
She wouldn't eat her dinner. She was mad when Elmo (yes, I finally caved and put on Elmo) wasn't on the screen. She was all done, all done, all done, all done with her dinner, but she'd hardly touched it.
So, I let her be. I let her sit in her chair, and I didn't watch her. She ate a few bites. I layed down on the couch and I said a quick prayer. Just asking for a little help. Apologizing for being such a cranky, whiny mommy to my adorable little girl who still can't quite communicate so I understand what she wants and needs all the time. For taking out my frustrations on her by not being patient.
And I asked for help tomorrow. Because tomorrow is fresh and new, and it's a clean slate. Ugly Mommy may have reared her head today, but it doesn't mean she has to tomorrow.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Wordful Wednesday - She's my brave little toaster
My daughter's resiliency has me sitting here completely befuddled.
She's been through the ringer this past month. I've lost count of the number of pediatrician visits she's had. The ER visits have been a bit easier to keep track of as there have been two, but that's two more than any mom wants to have with her child. Ever.
This kid has had bronchitis, breathing treatments, three different antibiotics, a freaking ruptured eardrum, green crusty and gooey junk coming out of her ear, and let's not talk about all the testing - blood, urine, swabs, cultures, ick.
It's too much. It's more than an adult should have to endure, and I can say for damn sure it's more than any kid should have to endure.
Things just kept going downhill, and Friday, after seeing the pediatrician for high fevers and red swelling behind her ear, she said Kaylee needed to straight to the ER. Ok...scary?
Then she told me the reason why she had to go NOW.
She said she was afraid Kaylee may have something called mastoiditis - which, apparently- is an infection that gets into the bone and air pockets behind the ear. The concern, she explained, was that this area is so close to the brain and it needs to be treated immediately and agressively because the worry is that it can spread to the brain.
I can't even describe what went through my mind at that moment, except to say that I'm darn glad I was sitting at the time.
She fussed when she got poked or when the nurses tried to take her vitals or look in her ear, but other than those times, you never would have guessed anything was wrong.
I mean - shoot. The kid ruptured her eardrum and we DIDN'T HAVE A CLUE. She didn't whine and cry. She was still my sweet little Kaylee, and there I was a complete wreck watching this all happen.
She had more testing, IV antibiotics, IV fluids, and a CT scan of her head. I will never be able to erase the image of her getting all wrapped up in the protective equipment and having them wrap her little head like a mummy around the thing she was laying on to keep her head from moving while they did the scan.
All I could do was stand back while a room full of people, including the doctor - just in case something went wrong - hurried here and there and talked in low voices while my baby was crying and I couldn't DO anything. I couldn't comfort her or make it stop.
We eventually got transferred to a children's hospital a couple hours away to see a specialist and to have Kaylee admitted for more IV antibiotics.
It was a rather long weekend, but we finally got to come home yesterday. I'm so happy to say that she's doing phenomenal. Her body responded really well to the IV medicine and there was no need for surgical intervention, and everything on her CT indicated that the infection never made its way to the bone. We were incredibly lucky.
To be honest, I'm feeling a bit out of sorts. I've had some good talks with Dennis and with my mom, but I'm still having a hard time just processing everything that happened, and I've got a lot of thoughts floating around in my head, so the tone of my posts may be a little bit different for a little while since I finally actually have some time to ponder things. It sure sheds perspective on so many aspects of my life, and it's really made me take a step back and be thankful for things.
Here are some pictures of my brave little toaster during our crazy little weekend away from home.
Remember her newfound fascination with fashion and her insistence on wearing certain things? After digging through her bag, she found these and just had to wear them.
Going home - finally...
I am SO proud of her. OH, so proud. She is amazing and resilient and such a fighter. I am so proud to be her mom.
She's been through the ringer this past month. I've lost count of the number of pediatrician visits she's had. The ER visits have been a bit easier to keep track of as there have been two, but that's two more than any mom wants to have with her child. Ever.
This kid has had bronchitis, breathing treatments, three different antibiotics, a freaking ruptured eardrum, green crusty and gooey junk coming out of her ear, and let's not talk about all the testing - blood, urine, swabs, cultures, ick.
It's too much. It's more than an adult should have to endure, and I can say for damn sure it's more than any kid should have to endure.
Things just kept going downhill, and Friday, after seeing the pediatrician for high fevers and red swelling behind her ear, she said Kaylee needed to straight to the ER. Ok...scary?
Then she told me the reason why she had to go NOW.
She said she was afraid Kaylee may have something called mastoiditis - which, apparently- is an infection that gets into the bone and air pockets behind the ear. The concern, she explained, was that this area is so close to the brain and it needs to be treated immediately and agressively because the worry is that it can spread to the brain.
I can't even describe what went through my mind at that moment, except to say that I'm darn glad I was sitting at the time.
She fussed when she got poked or when the nurses tried to take her vitals or look in her ear, but other than those times, you never would have guessed anything was wrong.
I mean - shoot. The kid ruptured her eardrum and we DIDN'T HAVE A CLUE. She didn't whine and cry. She was still my sweet little Kaylee, and there I was a complete wreck watching this all happen.
She had more testing, IV antibiotics, IV fluids, and a CT scan of her head. I will never be able to erase the image of her getting all wrapped up in the protective equipment and having them wrap her little head like a mummy around the thing she was laying on to keep her head from moving while they did the scan.
All I could do was stand back while a room full of people, including the doctor - just in case something went wrong - hurried here and there and talked in low voices while my baby was crying and I couldn't DO anything. I couldn't comfort her or make it stop.
We eventually got transferred to a children's hospital a couple hours away to see a specialist and to have Kaylee admitted for more IV antibiotics.
It was a rather long weekend, but we finally got to come home yesterday. I'm so happy to say that she's doing phenomenal. Her body responded really well to the IV medicine and there was no need for surgical intervention, and everything on her CT indicated that the infection never made its way to the bone. We were incredibly lucky.
To be honest, I'm feeling a bit out of sorts. I've had some good talks with Dennis and with my mom, but I'm still having a hard time just processing everything that happened, and I've got a lot of thoughts floating around in my head, so the tone of my posts may be a little bit different for a little while since I finally actually have some time to ponder things. It sure sheds perspective on so many aspects of my life, and it's really made me take a step back and be thankful for things.
Here are some pictures of my brave little toaster during our crazy little weekend away from home.
Remember her newfound fascination with fashion and her insistence on wearing certain things? After digging through her bag, she found these and just had to wear them.
Going home - finally...
I am SO proud of her. OH, so proud. She is amazing and resilient and such a fighter. I am so proud to be her mom.
This post is a part of Wordful Wednesdays, a weekly feature at Angie's 7 Clown Circus.
Tuesday's Tribute - To Caitlin
We had quite a scare with little Kaylee last week.
Long story short - we had to take her to a children's hospital a couple hours away to get her to a specialist that could treat her for a nasty complication of an ear infection. More on that tomorrow - today is about Caitlin, an amazing nurse that cared for Kaylee 2 of the 3 nights we were in the hospital with her.
She was to the moon and back amazing. She was so gentle, and so patient with Kaylee. She let her play with the stethoscope, thermometer, just talked quietly to her and took her time in gaining Kaylee's trust.
Caitlin was constantly coming in to check on Kaylee, and to check on us, and she did a lot of the jobs that nurses normally leave for the CNAs - there was nothing she wouldn't do. If she ever got tired of my never-ending questions about what was going on with Kaylee and what the plan was, she never acted annoyed. She just answered every question as best as she could.
She told us that at that hospital, they don't just treat the patients, they treat the whole family, so she was constantly reminding Dennis and I that we needed to take care of ourselves, get out of the room every now and then, and making sure we were doing well.
She gave me hugs and talked me down from a potential panic attack. She was the only one, out of all the nurses that took care of her during our time there, that Kaylee was not uneasy around. Kaylee trusted her. She played with her. She smiled and waved at her. She wasn't afraid of her like she was most of the other nurses.
Aside from one terrible nurse that we had during 2 different day shifts, the other nurses weren't bad, but they just didn't go above and beyond like Caitlin did.
I could tell she genuinely cared about my baby and her health, as well as our whole family.
She did a phenomenal job, and we will never forget how she helped us get through the scariest thing we've had to deal with as parents to date.
*This post is a part of Tuesday's Tribute over at Angie's 7 Clown Circus.
Long story short - we had to take her to a children's hospital a couple hours away to get her to a specialist that could treat her for a nasty complication of an ear infection. More on that tomorrow - today is about Caitlin, an amazing nurse that cared for Kaylee 2 of the 3 nights we were in the hospital with her.
She was to the moon and back amazing. She was so gentle, and so patient with Kaylee. She let her play with the stethoscope, thermometer, just talked quietly to her and took her time in gaining Kaylee's trust.
Caitlin was constantly coming in to check on Kaylee, and to check on us, and she did a lot of the jobs that nurses normally leave for the CNAs - there was nothing she wouldn't do. If she ever got tired of my never-ending questions about what was going on with Kaylee and what the plan was, she never acted annoyed. She just answered every question as best as she could.
She told us that at that hospital, they don't just treat the patients, they treat the whole family, so she was constantly reminding Dennis and I that we needed to take care of ourselves, get out of the room every now and then, and making sure we were doing well.
She gave me hugs and talked me down from a potential panic attack. She was the only one, out of all the nurses that took care of her during our time there, that Kaylee was not uneasy around. Kaylee trusted her. She played with her. She smiled and waved at her. She wasn't afraid of her like she was most of the other nurses.
Aside from one terrible nurse that we had during 2 different day shifts, the other nurses weren't bad, but they just didn't go above and beyond like Caitlin did.
I could tell she genuinely cared about my baby and her health, as well as our whole family.
She did a phenomenal job, and we will never forget how she helped us get through the scariest thing we've had to deal with as parents to date.
*This post is a part of Tuesday's Tribute over at Angie's 7 Clown Circus.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
New mamas and future mamas, listen up!
This week Mama Kat is asking her readers to give advice as part of Writer's Workshop. So - new and future mamas, even though you didn't ask, Mama Kat did, so this is not considered unsolicited advice - that thing we all hate so very much.
There are so many nuggets of wisdom I've got sitting up in this head of mine, just waiting to be shared with the world, but I'll just share a few of them with you today.
1. That mom in sweatpants and a ratty t-shirt you snickered at in Wal-Mart who had the screaming kid with something orange on his face, hair with something sticky in it, and only one shoe on? Maybe next time don't snicker at her. That's gonna be you some day. You can swear up and down all you want that you'll never take your kid in public if he's unpresentable, and that you will always look cute when you show your face in a large shopping center, but that will all be a big lie. Please proceed to #2.
2. The minute you say, "I'll never" is the minute fate will look upon you and laugh a hysterically deep and annoying belly laugh. I uttered those two fateful words in my head in regards to a couple of furry little beasts named Barney and Elmo. And to be honest with you, Barney and Elmo should be the new words for MOMMY GETS A SHOWER TODAY in our house. Seriously. You'll be surprised the things you'll do that you swore you never would. Go ahead, join me and the ranks of thousands of other neglectful and mean mothers who let their THREE month olds watch Baby Einstein so we could catch a quick nap or check our email. I dare you.
3. When you're pregnant, people will tell you - "You better sleep while you can!" with a look on their face that instantly makes you want to reach out and strangle them because you've heard that piece of advice a gajillion times. Really, they don't know what they're talking about. Sleep doesn't carry over after you have a baby. You won't sleep at the hospital after you have the baby, and you won't sleep in long stretches for an ungodly period of time after you bring your little bundle home. You could sleep your life away before you have kids and it won't matter one bit. So, you know what I say? Don't sleep! Party it up. Live a little. Shop at Target for 3 hours. Go to the grocery store and appreciate the fact that you can get 50 items in 20 minutes or less, and a small creature in your cart will not be shouting and screaming as if you are beating her silly, even though you're actually 2 feet away from her.
4. And, on the less funny and more practical side, there are things you are going to need at 2 in the morning, and no one will have given them to you at your baby shower because they were too busy buying you Johnny Jump Ups and Pack 'N Plays, which do not replace elecrolytes, cure yeast diaper rashes, or help in between doses of Tylenol. So, baby on the way? Go to the store and get these goodies so you actually have them when you need them: generic Pedialyte (come on - you have a baby now - time to start buying the storebrand, ladies!), generic Pedialyte pops, Hyland's teething tablets, Infant's Tylenol AND Infant's Motrin (and be sure to ask your pediatrician about how you can stagger these medications to keep your kid constantly drugged up...I mean contantly drugged up when they're in pain, of course), anti-fungal cream for yeast diaper rashes - if it says for athlete's foot or jock itch, that's what you're looking for, and go ahead and pick up some chocolate that you will bust out for yourself when you are dealing with all of the above problems at the very same time.
That wraps up my advice for the day.
But! if you have a daughter, a granddaughter, or a special little girl in your life, you might want to catch this last bit as well. In about three weeks, Laughing Through the Chaos is going to be a part of a book blog tour for the book The Curse of the Good Girl: Raising Authentic Girls with Courage and Confidence, and we have the opportunity to do a question and answer post with the author, Rachel Simmons, author of Odd Girl Out.
I haven't finished the book yet, but so far it's great. It's all about raising our daughters to be confident, assertive, and to be brave enough to go after what they want in life, rather than dealing with some of the issues so many of us who are raising daughters have, like being people pleasers, being passive agressive and afraid to say things like they are or not being confident enough to confront people in an appropriate manner. I am loving what this book stands for, and I hope that it will help me in my attempt to raise one heck of a girl who already has enough spunk and perhaps not enough fear.
Please leave a comment or email me at laughingthroughthechaos@gmail.com with your questions for Rachel Simmons. I'd like to email the questions in the next week so she has plenty of time to answer them. So...questions/ideas/concerns you have about raising a confident girl? I know I'll be asking about what us parents of infants can do to start off on the right track and do things the way we should before we hit the teen years. Shoot your questions and such my way, and then we'll hear what an expert has to say about it. Can't wait to see what you come up with!
There are so many nuggets of wisdom I've got sitting up in this head of mine, just waiting to be shared with the world, but I'll just share a few of them with you today.
1. That mom in sweatpants and a ratty t-shirt you snickered at in Wal-Mart who had the screaming kid with something orange on his face, hair with something sticky in it, and only one shoe on? Maybe next time don't snicker at her. That's gonna be you some day. You can swear up and down all you want that you'll never take your kid in public if he's unpresentable, and that you will always look cute when you show your face in a large shopping center, but that will all be a big lie. Please proceed to #2.
2. The minute you say, "I'll never" is the minute fate will look upon you and laugh a hysterically deep and annoying belly laugh. I uttered those two fateful words in my head in regards to a couple of furry little beasts named Barney and Elmo. And to be honest with you, Barney and Elmo should be the new words for MOMMY GETS A SHOWER TODAY in our house. Seriously. You'll be surprised the things you'll do that you swore you never would. Go ahead, join me and the ranks of thousands of other neglectful and mean mothers who let their THREE month olds watch Baby Einstein so we could catch a quick nap or check our email. I dare you.
3. When you're pregnant, people will tell you - "You better sleep while you can!" with a look on their face that instantly makes you want to reach out and strangle them because you've heard that piece of advice a gajillion times. Really, they don't know what they're talking about. Sleep doesn't carry over after you have a baby. You won't sleep at the hospital after you have the baby, and you won't sleep in long stretches for an ungodly period of time after you bring your little bundle home. You could sleep your life away before you have kids and it won't matter one bit. So, you know what I say? Don't sleep! Party it up. Live a little. Shop at Target for 3 hours. Go to the grocery store and appreciate the fact that you can get 50 items in 20 minutes or less, and a small creature in your cart will not be shouting and screaming as if you are beating her silly, even though you're actually 2 feet away from her.
4. And, on the less funny and more practical side, there are things you are going to need at 2 in the morning, and no one will have given them to you at your baby shower because they were too busy buying you Johnny Jump Ups and Pack 'N Plays, which do not replace elecrolytes, cure yeast diaper rashes, or help in between doses of Tylenol. So, baby on the way? Go to the store and get these goodies so you actually have them when you need them: generic Pedialyte (come on - you have a baby now - time to start buying the storebrand, ladies!), generic Pedialyte pops, Hyland's teething tablets, Infant's Tylenol AND Infant's Motrin (and be sure to ask your pediatrician about how you can stagger these medications to keep your kid constantly drugged up...I mean contantly drugged up when they're in pain, of course), anti-fungal cream for yeast diaper rashes - if it says for athlete's foot or jock itch, that's what you're looking for, and go ahead and pick up some chocolate that you will bust out for yourself when you are dealing with all of the above problems at the very same time.
That wraps up my advice for the day.
But! if you have a daughter, a granddaughter, or a special little girl in your life, you might want to catch this last bit as well. In about three weeks, Laughing Through the Chaos is going to be a part of a book blog tour for the book The Curse of the Good Girl: Raising Authentic Girls with Courage and Confidence, and we have the opportunity to do a question and answer post with the author, Rachel Simmons, author of Odd Girl Out.
I haven't finished the book yet, but so far it's great. It's all about raising our daughters to be confident, assertive, and to be brave enough to go after what they want in life, rather than dealing with some of the issues so many of us who are raising daughters have, like being people pleasers, being passive agressive and afraid to say things like they are or not being confident enough to confront people in an appropriate manner. I am loving what this book stands for, and I hope that it will help me in my attempt to raise one heck of a girl who already has enough spunk and perhaps not enough fear.
Please leave a comment or email me at laughingthroughthechaos@gmail.com with your questions for Rachel Simmons. I'd like to email the questions in the next week so she has plenty of time to answer them. So...questions/ideas/concerns you have about raising a confident girl? I know I'll be asking about what us parents of infants can do to start off on the right track and do things the way we should before we hit the teen years. Shoot your questions and such my way, and then we'll hear what an expert has to say about it. Can't wait to see what you come up with!
Now, head on over to Mama's Losin' It to join in the fun of Writer's Workshop.
Friday, August 7, 2009
A whole new way to torture myself.
No, I'm not hanging out in front of a pastry display, stepping on the scale multiple times a week, walking by the expensive shoes in the mall, or looking up cookie recipes on the Betty Crocker website at 10:30 p.m.
I choose to invite much simpler, low-calorie and cheaper means of torture into my life. (Funny, though, because this particular torture I am about to speak of does make me want to go eat chocolate cake, buy some rockin' new shoes (by myself, thankyouverymuch) or indulge in some chewy, yummy cookies. My new torture has nothing to do with food, shopping, or eating.
So, what IS it, you ask?
TIME OUTS.
The time outs have increased by an insanely exponential amount in this house over the past two days, and I don't know who it's harder on - me, or Kaylee.
While we were on vacation a few weeks ago she started pinching - not too often, just here and there, and it really caught us off guard. She'd been so sweet and loving - hugging kids at the mall play land, being gentle, just being a nice kid. My child was not going to be the PINCHER! But, there she was. Pinching. Pinching me, her dad, her grandma.
Pinch, pinch, pinch. Pinchy, pinch pinch.
And boy, oh boy, she's been cranking it up a notch. She was pinching hard. She'd be acting super cute and then BAM! she'd give you a nasty old pinch.
We tried everything and nothing seemed to be working. And, it's so, so hard sometimes not to laugh because each pinch is preceded with the cutest little "Yow!" you ever heard accompanied, of course, with a very wide grin.
Now, we firmly tell her "NO PINCHING!" promptly set her in time out, and then walk away. We know it's helping a little bit.
The process now looks like this:
My once-angelic child approaches her victim wearing a very large and much too adorable grin. Her arm extends, pincher fingers prepare for action and she utters, "YOW" at the same time she pinches. More and more, this whole charade is followed by Kaylee shouting a resounding, "No!" and occasionally - she'll walk behind the couch, sit herself down, and hang her head in shame - putting herself in time out.
Tonight nearly pushed me over the edge, though. She'd pinch, I'd put her in time out. She'd sit there. She'd get up, walk over to me smiling, as if she's ready to carry on and have fun, and she'd pinch again. Lather, rinse, repeat 85 bajillion times. Are you getting the point? And, I'll have you know I had hot spaghetti and a slice of cheesy bread I was attempting to eat.
I could hardly take it. I wanted to throw my hands up and wave my white flag, but Dennis and I are committed to this crazy concept they call consistency. And even though the results we're getting are just baby steps, we'll keep on plugging away.
This whole parenting/discipline/helping your child become a decent human being business is ROUGH.
But, let me just add that we did get in about 10 minutes of pinch-free cuddle time before bed, and having a normal blood pressure again feels like a million bucks.
I choose to invite much simpler, low-calorie and cheaper means of torture into my life. (Funny, though, because this particular torture I am about to speak of does make me want to go eat chocolate cake, buy some rockin' new shoes (by myself, thankyouverymuch) or indulge in some chewy, yummy cookies. My new torture has nothing to do with food, shopping, or eating.
So, what IS it, you ask?
TIME OUTS.
The time outs have increased by an insanely exponential amount in this house over the past two days, and I don't know who it's harder on - me, or Kaylee.
While we were on vacation a few weeks ago she started pinching - not too often, just here and there, and it really caught us off guard. She'd been so sweet and loving - hugging kids at the mall play land, being gentle, just being a nice kid. My child was not going to be the PINCHER! But, there she was. Pinching. Pinching me, her dad, her grandma.
Pinch, pinch, pinch. Pinchy, pinch pinch.
And boy, oh boy, she's been cranking it up a notch. She was pinching hard. She'd be acting super cute and then BAM! she'd give you a nasty old pinch.
We tried everything and nothing seemed to be working. And, it's so, so hard sometimes not to laugh because each pinch is preceded with the cutest little "Yow!" you ever heard accompanied, of course, with a very wide grin.
Now, we firmly tell her "NO PINCHING!" promptly set her in time out, and then walk away. We know it's helping a little bit.
The process now looks like this:
My once-angelic child approaches her victim wearing a very large and much too adorable grin. Her arm extends, pincher fingers prepare for action and she utters, "YOW" at the same time she pinches. More and more, this whole charade is followed by Kaylee shouting a resounding, "No!" and occasionally - she'll walk behind the couch, sit herself down, and hang her head in shame - putting herself in time out.
Tonight nearly pushed me over the edge, though. She'd pinch, I'd put her in time out. She'd sit there. She'd get up, walk over to me smiling, as if she's ready to carry on and have fun, and she'd pinch again. Lather, rinse, repeat 85 bajillion times. Are you getting the point? And, I'll have you know I had hot spaghetti and a slice of cheesy bread I was attempting to eat.
I could hardly take it. I wanted to throw my hands up and wave my white flag, but Dennis and I are committed to this crazy concept they call consistency. And even though the results we're getting are just baby steps, we'll keep on plugging away.
This whole parenting/discipline/helping your child become a decent human being business is ROUGH.
But, let me just add that we did get in about 10 minutes of pinch-free cuddle time before bed, and having a normal blood pressure again feels like a million bucks.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Back to life...back to reality...
Remember that song from the 90s?
Anyway...so, tomorrow we are back to the real world.
Dennis has been home all summer long, and it's been fabulous. I've been able to go grocery shopping solo, he's gotten some great bonding time with Kaylee, and we've had more quality time together as a family.
It's been a much different tune than last summer, when right around this very time I had just been diagnosed with postpartum depression after going 3 months undiagnosed, and we were dealing with all the craziness of adjusting to life with a newborn baby. It was a rather rough summer, to say the least.
So, this summer was nothing short of refreshing. It's sort of bittersweet that Dennis goes back to school tomorrow - we'll miss the extra time together, and I know him and Kaylee will really miss their little daily activities, but it also feels good to get back to the real world. To the way things are 9 months out of the year.
Today I took a practice run at bopping around town with Kaylee. I had to go to Kohl's and Costco, and all summer long, I just left Kaylee at home with Dennis when I ran errands, but not today.
As I was getting ready to leave, I told him I couldn't remember the last time I ran errands with Kaylee, so I'd better go on a trial run today. And, wouldn't ya know - we survived.
It was actually pretty fun to have my little half-pint shopping partner-in-crime with me, grabbing at sparkly necklaces and asking in her little grunting and pointing language to try on shoes (my dream come true!) as we drove by in the cart. She must have sensed that I was trying to get back in the swing of things, because she even kept the fussing to a minimum, which I am not expecting her to do again next time.
So, cross your fingers, sprinkle some holy water, say a prayer - whatever it is you do. There might be a few fits from all of us in the coming days as we adjust to a lot of changes around here.
Anyway...so, tomorrow we are back to the real world.
Dennis has been home all summer long, and it's been fabulous. I've been able to go grocery shopping solo, he's gotten some great bonding time with Kaylee, and we've had more quality time together as a family.
It's been a much different tune than last summer, when right around this very time I had just been diagnosed with postpartum depression after going 3 months undiagnosed, and we were dealing with all the craziness of adjusting to life with a newborn baby. It was a rather rough summer, to say the least.
So, this summer was nothing short of refreshing. It's sort of bittersweet that Dennis goes back to school tomorrow - we'll miss the extra time together, and I know him and Kaylee will really miss their little daily activities, but it also feels good to get back to the real world. To the way things are 9 months out of the year.
Today I took a practice run at bopping around town with Kaylee. I had to go to Kohl's and Costco, and all summer long, I just left Kaylee at home with Dennis when I ran errands, but not today.
As I was getting ready to leave, I told him I couldn't remember the last time I ran errands with Kaylee, so I'd better go on a trial run today. And, wouldn't ya know - we survived.
It was actually pretty fun to have my little half-pint shopping partner-in-crime with me, grabbing at sparkly necklaces and asking in her little grunting and pointing language to try on shoes (my dream come true!) as we drove by in the cart. She must have sensed that I was trying to get back in the swing of things, because she even kept the fussing to a minimum, which I am not expecting her to do again next time.
So, cross your fingers, sprinkle some holy water, say a prayer - whatever it is you do. There might be a few fits from all of us in the coming days as we adjust to a lot of changes around here.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Why should I child proof when my baby will do it for me?
So...yeah...
Not a fan of the SECOND set of cabinet locks I've bought. These stupid locks are so much of a pain that they can usually be found either on the floor or the counter because I, a grown adult, am incapable giving birth but I cannot, for the life of me, open this STUPID frickin' cabinet lock without uttering at least one bad word.
Cabinet locks are supposed to be CHILD proof not MOTHER proof. What is my problem?!
Anyway, at this stage in Kaylee's life child proofing is so essential because no matter how well you think you've put all the non-baby stuff up, she manages to get her Cheerio sogged hands on everything she shouldn't.
She is at the point when she knows she's up to know good. For instance, if she gets a hold of something she shouldn't have and we give her The Look, she'll quickly smile and hand us whatever it is as if it is a gift given to us straight from her sweet little heart.
Sneaky kid.
So, I'm getting her diaper bag all ready for today's much-needed mother/daughter bonding day, and I look down to see this. And no - she has not removed the lock. She's trying to put in on.
Apparently I'm lacking in my child proofing yet again. I can tell this is a battle I won't be winning any day soon. But, I guess Kaylee will be taking it from here, so what do I have to worry about?
Not a fan of the SECOND set of cabinet locks I've bought. These stupid locks are so much of a pain that they can usually be found either on the floor or the counter because I, a grown adult, am incapable giving birth but I cannot, for the life of me, open this STUPID frickin' cabinet lock without uttering at least one bad word.
Cabinet locks are supposed to be CHILD proof not MOTHER proof. What is my problem?!
Anyway, at this stage in Kaylee's life child proofing is so essential because no matter how well you think you've put all the non-baby stuff up, she manages to get her Cheerio sogged hands on everything she shouldn't.
She is at the point when she knows she's up to know good. For instance, if she gets a hold of something she shouldn't have and we give her The Look, she'll quickly smile and hand us whatever it is as if it is a gift given to us straight from her sweet little heart.
Sneaky kid.
So, I'm getting her diaper bag all ready for today's much-needed mother/daughter bonding day, and I look down to see this. And no - she has not removed the lock. She's trying to put in on.
Apparently I'm lacking in my child proofing yet again. I can tell this is a battle I won't be winning any day soon. But, I guess Kaylee will be taking it from here, so what do I have to worry about?
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Aprons and Tide pens and screaming babies with vampire teeth, oh my!
Sure as shit, today is just going to be one of those days...
So, Kaylee has her bottom 2 teeth in, right? The two top teeth usually come next, right? Well, uh - not so much with my kid. She's got her two little vampire teeth poking through under the gums and they are SHARP. I wish they'd just come through already.
Anyway, I'm officially declaring today Screaming Vampire Baby Day at our house because that is all that's going on around here. Screaming. And screaming. And screaming. I'll be screaming next - anytime now. Poor kiddo is only happy if she's being held, and it's really hard to eat, take a shower and dry my hair while holding a child. Hence the screaming child who cannot be held every waking moment.
In an effort to maintain my sanity and happiness, I am going to tell you about a few happy things that you really need to be aware of.
Let's start off with some giveaway news. Who doesn't love a giveaway, right?
First giveaway: It's week three of Mama Kat's apron giveaway. This week she's featuring aprons from another great seller at etsy.com. This is my favorite apron in her etsy shop. Isn't it cute? I think it definitely has my name written all over it. So, click here to visit Mama Kat and to enter the giveaway for yo bad self.
Second giveaway: Summer at Le Musings of Moi is having one of the coolest giveaways I've ever heard of. It's a care package, carefully selected and prepared by Summer herself. It's got skin care, makeup, a headband, nail polish, and more! It sounds so girly and fun and fantastic. I'm hoping I win that one, too. So, click here to visit Summer and check out her giveaway.
Third giveaway: I'm jumping up and down for joy over this one! Do you remember me telling you about how I was about to embark on a beautiful relationship with a little something called the Tide to Go pen? Well, a certain someone who works with Tide is overnighting me some of these little beauties to give away to my fabulous readers! So, hang on to your hats because that will be happening soon and very soon.
In other news, you need to check out April over at April Showers by clicking here. She was the featured blogger over at SITS yesterday and she's working with me to redesign my blog. I know, I know - I just redid the layout not long ago, but it's just not what I'm looking for, and I'm Photo Shop challenged. She's got lots of orders, so a bit of time will need to pass before the changes are up, but I'm totally excited about it.
Well, please excuse me and my ringing ears as I attempt to pry my squealing child off of me so I can go finish getting ready for my day.
Where's my damn chocolate!?!?
So, Kaylee has her bottom 2 teeth in, right? The two top teeth usually come next, right? Well, uh - not so much with my kid. She's got her two little vampire teeth poking through under the gums and they are SHARP. I wish they'd just come through already.
Anyway, I'm officially declaring today Screaming Vampire Baby Day at our house because that is all that's going on around here. Screaming. And screaming. And screaming. I'll be screaming next - anytime now. Poor kiddo is only happy if she's being held, and it's really hard to eat, take a shower and dry my hair while holding a child. Hence the screaming child who cannot be held every waking moment.
In an effort to maintain my sanity and happiness, I am going to tell you about a few happy things that you really need to be aware of.
Let's start off with some giveaway news. Who doesn't love a giveaway, right?
First giveaway: It's week three of Mama Kat's apron giveaway. This week she's featuring aprons from another great seller at etsy.com. This is my favorite apron in her etsy shop. Isn't it cute? I think it definitely has my name written all over it. So, click here to visit Mama Kat and to enter the giveaway for yo bad self.
Second giveaway: Summer at Le Musings of Moi is having one of the coolest giveaways I've ever heard of. It's a care package, carefully selected and prepared by Summer herself. It's got skin care, makeup, a headband, nail polish, and more! It sounds so girly and fun and fantastic. I'm hoping I win that one, too. So, click here to visit Summer and check out her giveaway.
Third giveaway: I'm jumping up and down for joy over this one! Do you remember me telling you about how I was about to embark on a beautiful relationship with a little something called the Tide to Go pen? Well, a certain someone who works with Tide is overnighting me some of these little beauties to give away to my fabulous readers! So, hang on to your hats because that will be happening soon and very soon.
In other news, you need to check out April over at April Showers by clicking here. She was the featured blogger over at SITS yesterday and she's working with me to redesign my blog. I know, I know - I just redid the layout not long ago, but it's just not what I'm looking for, and I'm Photo Shop challenged. She's got lots of orders, so a bit of time will need to pass before the changes are up, but I'm totally excited about it.
Well, please excuse me and my ringing ears as I attempt to pry my squealing child off of me so I can go finish getting ready for my day.
Where's my damn chocolate!?!?
Monday, February 16, 2009
All the validation I need
I triumphed over my technical difficulties, so I have a video for you of my little cheerleader. I thought it was appropriate for Tuesday's Tribute. So, this week I'm paying tribute to my clapping genius of a child. Clap on, Kaylee. CLAP. ON.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
The three and a half hour blog post and a week of blogging milestones
So, my post about trying to make my brother eat dog poop? Took me 3 and a half hours. Not because it took me that long to think of what to write. No - because a certain somebody...
...has been fighting a nap all morning long. She falls asleep, I put her down, she screams, and the cycle repeats repeatedly. Plus, we had breakfast, played, changed 3 poopy diapers (and it's only 10:35 a.m.) and I managed to get a shower - although I'm still in my fluffy pink robe.
So, if you've been wondering why I've been a little absent from my blog (and it's redesign), it's because I've been working a lot, and when I've been home I just haven't had much time to get on the computer. So that's that.
Anyway, this past week I hit some sweet blogging milestones! First, April over at The Life of Me Plus Three bestowed upon me my very first bloggy award. Woo hoo! Thanks April!
And! Hold on to your hats! I won my first blog giveaway! Sassy Stephanie over at Our Piece of Quiet had a giveaway for this book, and I won! Neener, neener. Thank you, Stephanie!
She didn't explain what it was about, but apparently she couldn't put it down, so I'm thrilled to read it for myself and discover what mystery awaits within its pages. I'll let you know what I think after I read it.
Anyway, I gotta go. My screaming child and her hidden tooth #3 are calling for me.
T minus 3 hours until my BFF gets here and we have an afternoon WITHOUT KIDS. And just 30 more minutes until the babe's next dose of Tylenol is due.
I.need.chocolate...
...has been fighting a nap all morning long. She falls asleep, I put her down, she screams, and the cycle repeats repeatedly. Plus, we had breakfast, played, changed 3 poopy diapers (and it's only 10:35 a.m.) and I managed to get a shower - although I'm still in my fluffy pink robe.
So, if you've been wondering why I've been a little absent from my blog (and it's redesign), it's because I've been working a lot, and when I've been home I just haven't had much time to get on the computer. So that's that.
Anyway, this past week I hit some sweet blogging milestones! First, April over at The Life of Me Plus Three bestowed upon me my very first bloggy award. Woo hoo! Thanks April!
And! Hold on to your hats! I won my first blog giveaway! Sassy Stephanie over at Our Piece of Quiet had a giveaway for this book, and I won! Neener, neener. Thank you, Stephanie!
She didn't explain what it was about, but apparently she couldn't put it down, so I'm thrilled to read it for myself and discover what mystery awaits within its pages. I'll let you know what I think after I read it.Anyway, I gotta go. My screaming child and her hidden tooth #3 are calling for me.
T minus 3 hours until my BFF gets here and we have an afternoon WITHOUT KIDS. And just 30 more minutes until the babe's next dose of Tylenol is due.
I.need.chocolate...
Monday, January 5, 2009
Armageddon is nowhere in sight, and a reflection on the newborn days
So, remember when I told you Kaylee's new sleeping habits may just be a hint that Armageddon was coming? Well, now I know that it most definitely is NOT.
We had two good nights.
The first night she slept for 9 hours and 45 minutes. Night # 2 was about 8 hours or so. And, last night we were back to the midnight wakeup call.
And wouldn't you know - each night she slept so well I went to bed by 9 to prepare myself in case she woke up multiple times. And she didn't. Last night I stayed up until the absolutely insane hour of 11 o'clock (oh, dear me!). I had trouble falling asleep, and just as I was dozing off at approximately 11:49, she starts crying.
I gave her a couple minutes because sometimes she just cries for a short bit and then goes back down. Not last night.
So, as I logged more rocking miles on the glider, I reminisced back to Kaylee's newborn days. I really struggled a lot then, and suddenly I recalled a conversation that I had with my mom.
Sleep was not a regular part of my life at that point, and it was really taking a toll on me. I was experiencing a fair amount of mommy guilt as well, and I felt the need to share it with my mom. At the time, I felt I was taking a risk by admitting my true struggle to her.
I remember telling her, "Mom, I feel so bad because I'd rather keep sleeping than get up to comfort Kaylee."
Man, I felt like an ass. I was so selfish, right? Wanting to sleep, wanting to put my needs above my child's, playing the tug of war between my pillow and the sweet babe in the Pack 'N Play at the end of my bed. I was seriously afraid my mom would think I was a bad mom (well, I know she wouldn't think that of me, but it's how I thought at the time).
Now I think back to that very feeling that made me feel so crappy. That feeling still exists sometimes, but I've lost much of the guilt over it.
Fortunately, I've accumulated enough sleep (and popped enough ABP's) to realize that it's okay to want to sleep instead of getting up with the baby. It doesn't mean I love her any less! I'll always want to comfort her and make her feel better when she's crying (and you better believe I'll always want to kick anyone's ass if they ever make her cry), but when I'm tired and I feel like staying in bed instead of getting up to rock her back to sleep, that's okay.
I'll eventually get my butt out of bed and stumble into the nursery to make her feel better (or I'll send Dennis in).
But, it's just one of those things that has taken me a good 8 months to realize that it's not worth feeling guilty about. It's not a bad thing to want sleep. And I want sleep. I want 8 hours of sleep. Every night. Really bad.
We had two good nights.
The first night she slept for 9 hours and 45 minutes. Night # 2 was about 8 hours or so. And, last night we were back to the midnight wakeup call.
And wouldn't you know - each night she slept so well I went to bed by 9 to prepare myself in case she woke up multiple times. And she didn't. Last night I stayed up until the absolutely insane hour of 11 o'clock (oh, dear me!). I had trouble falling asleep, and just as I was dozing off at approximately 11:49, she starts crying.
I gave her a couple minutes because sometimes she just cries for a short bit and then goes back down. Not last night.
So, as I logged more rocking miles on the glider, I reminisced back to Kaylee's newborn days. I really struggled a lot then, and suddenly I recalled a conversation that I had with my mom.
Sleep was not a regular part of my life at that point, and it was really taking a toll on me. I was experiencing a fair amount of mommy guilt as well, and I felt the need to share it with my mom. At the time, I felt I was taking a risk by admitting my true struggle to her.
I remember telling her, "Mom, I feel so bad because I'd rather keep sleeping than get up to comfort Kaylee."
Man, I felt like an ass. I was so selfish, right? Wanting to sleep, wanting to put my needs above my child's, playing the tug of war between my pillow and the sweet babe in the Pack 'N Play at the end of my bed. I was seriously afraid my mom would think I was a bad mom (well, I know she wouldn't think that of me, but it's how I thought at the time).
Now I think back to that very feeling that made me feel so crappy. That feeling still exists sometimes, but I've lost much of the guilt over it.
Fortunately, I've accumulated enough sleep (and popped enough ABP's) to realize that it's okay to want to sleep instead of getting up with the baby. It doesn't mean I love her any less! I'll always want to comfort her and make her feel better when she's crying (and you better believe I'll always want to kick anyone's ass if they ever make her cry), but when I'm tired and I feel like staying in bed instead of getting up to rock her back to sleep, that's okay.
I'll eventually get my butt out of bed and stumble into the nursery to make her feel better (or I'll send Dennis in).
But, it's just one of those things that has taken me a good 8 months to realize that it's not worth feeling guilty about. It's not a bad thing to want sleep. And I want sleep. I want 8 hours of sleep. Every night. Really bad.
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