Oh, how she breaks us down...

A few weeks ago Dennis and I began having the conversation about when to nix the pacifier. The consensus was to try and do away with it when Kaylee turned 2 (which is just around the corner).

We also agreed that it may very well be harder on us than it is on her.

The pacifier (which she fondly refers to as her "night-night") is an instant silencer 97.6% of the time. It saves me from public embarrassment in restaurants, grocery stores, and the library. It helps her go to sleep. It seems to be the magic ingredient that gets her to take naps.

And it is also her own sad little version of crack cocaine.

Recently, we've noticed she's taken up quite the attachment to the dearly beloved night-night - moreso than usual. We suspected that maybe she senses the end is near, and she better take what she can get before it's taken from her.

So - today, as she asked for it for pretty much each and every waking moment, we realized we should probably nip this thing in the bud before the big birthday. It's really getting pretty pathetic. Our rule used to be "only when you're sleeping," but our little manipulator broke us down at some unidentifiable point (I'm guessing during an illness or a way-too-frigging-long car ride), and we bent the rules.

We decided, in a decision that was nothing short of impulsive, that tonight would be the night. I told Dennis she would break us.

And break us she did.

We had about a 20 minute car ride that consisted of complete and utter drawn out wailing and screaming and sobbing and the most pathetic, tearful scream of, "I. NEED. my. NIGHT-NIGHT!"

Over. And over. And over. Again.

Sometimes all Dennis and I could do was to simply look over at each other and burst into laughter. She sounded so very desperate and needy.

And her screams were beginning to break down our very cores.

Dammit!

We got in the house, Dennis tried to calm her down by cuddling with her on the couch, but nothing would do the trick. We decided to cave.

I dug a pacifier out from one of the multiple pockets of my newly purchased Destructed Khakis from Old Navy (so stinking comfy!) and tossed the pacifier to Dennis on the couch. He dropped it, and then pointed it out to Kaylee and told her to go get it.

She scurried over to it, squatted down on the floor, and just stared at it, probably thinking something along the lines of, "Where have you BEEN all my LIFE! I freaking LOVE you!" Then she promptly popped that sucker in her mouth and carried on as usual.

Instant transformation. Nothing but smiles and songs and cute little jibberish like, "Don't hit Mommy! Mommy loves you!" and "I need candy" and "Hee-haw, hee-haw, hee-haw" the rest of the night.

20 minutes. We didn't last more than 20 minutes.

We need serious help.

I am soliciting your advice. Tell me your tried and true methods of nixing the binkie. Sooner, rather than later - please???

Ugly Mommy Moments

We all have them, don't we?

Today I let myself stay in a funk. I shouldn't have. But, I did.

I was halfway to work and I got a call from my boss stating there were hardly any patients at the hospital, so I didn't need to come in. Second time this pay period. OUCH.

I came home. I cleaned for an hour and a half straight. Hey, being mad has it's advantages, and for me - it often means something gets cleaned.

We'd already paid the babysitter for the 2 days she is scheduled to have Kaylee this week, so I figured I'd just get some stuff done. I spent the day cleaning, working on bills, working and re-working the budget, trying to make the numbers look prettier than they are, and found some stuff to sell and put it on Craigslist.

I packed up some clothes Kaylee's outgrown, as well as some other baby paraphernalia, and I had grand plans to haul it off to the resale store and take what they didn't want to Goodwill. Then...I was going to go to the library (because I cruised through A Girl Named Zippy in less than a week and read The Time Traveler's Wife in 2 days) and get some new books.

But...I realized I left my wallet in the diaper bag. The diaper bag that was with Kaylee. At the babysitter's. And I decided it would be best if I didn't drive without my license.

And I let the funk creep into my day. I hate it when I do that, but by the time Dennis got home, I was on the verge of tears, until I finally let some fall and I just told Dennis how stressed I was.

I feel crappy that I keep getting called off work. I hate that money is so tight. I hate having to worry.

So, I cried and vented for a short while, and then I went to the library, where I picked out 4 new books.

I hurried back home so Dennis could leave in time for karate, and then I listened to Kaylee have a toddler breakdown when he left. Which she tends to do. Pretty much every time he leaves.

Really - I swear I'm fun to be around, but she's such a Daddy's girl, and I've come to accept that. Sometimes she'd rather cry that he's gone than just calm down and have fun with me.

So, I'm still feeling a bit funky and between her screams, tears, and pleas for Dada and EWMO- PEAAAAS?!?! I had zero patience.

I was so frustrated with her. I was upset that she couldn't just get over the fact that Dennis was gone. He would be back, but I hadn't seen her all day. Come on, child! Have some fun with your mother already, would you?!

She wouldn't eat her dinner. She was mad when Elmo (yes, I finally caved and put on Elmo) wasn't on the screen. She was all done, all done, all done, all done with her dinner, but she'd hardly touched it.

So, I let her be. I let her sit in her chair, and I didn't watch her. She ate a few bites. I layed down on the couch and I said a quick prayer. Just asking for a little help. Apologizing for being such a cranky, whiny mommy to my adorable little girl who still can't quite communicate so I understand what she wants and needs all the time. For taking out my frustrations on her by not being patient.

And I asked for help tomorrow. Because tomorrow is fresh and new, and it's a clean slate. Ugly Mommy may have reared her head today, but it doesn't mean she has to tomorrow.

Wordful Wednesday - Watch out, kids - she bites!

See that kid? That one on the right? She's mine. And she's a biter.

Up until Monday, the worst thing I'd heard whenever I picked her up from someone's house who watched her was, "Yeah. She used a blue crayon to color on the dog."

No big thang, right?

Yesterday one of my best friends, who happens to have a daughter just a couple months younger than Kaylee, watched her for me.

We decided when the girls were just weeks old that they'd be each other's BFF, and now we can say they are well on their way.

I arrived to pick Kaylee up and asked how she did. My friend said she did great, but that there was one little incident. Oh, crap! Not my sweet little child (who is nothing short of a little pistol) - no!

She totally bit Maggie's finger, which made Maggie cry, and then Kaylee started crying. My friend said she didn't even have to scold Kaylee. She just looked at her and said, "Kaylee!!!" and she could tell that Maggie's crying was enough of a lesson.

So that picture above is Kaylee giving Maggie a hug after what we now call "the incident."

The looks on each of their faces just kill me. I love it.