Friday, April 3, 2009

Forgetting how to be a grown-up

So, last night our Mommy and Me exercise group (of about 30 women) went out to a wine bar. It was yet another reminder that becoming a mother has caused me to forget how to be a grown-up.

A couple months ago, I went out shopping with a dear friend of mine for the afternoon. It had been quite a while since I'd been out in public with a friend.

She picked me up, I got in the car, and I was at a loss for words (and when my dad and my husband read that I was at a loss for words, their jaws will simultaneously crash to the ground). It was like I forgot how to communicate.

I couldn't think of anything to say, and when I did say things I either stuttered or rambled on with such nonsensical words as, "Kaylee I she pooped six times yesterday spaghetti I made for dinner need oil change."

The words would just come out and there was no logic to them at all. And I've been friends with this girl for about 10 years. I felt like such a moron.

I just had to look at her and tell her it had been a while since I'd actually gotten to hang out with a friend and not have the baby with me - it was like I forgot how to be. It was so bizarre.

It took me a good 20 minutes to get back in my groove, to where I could actually form sentences that normal people understand. It was like I needed to thaw out or something. It was crazy.

So, we finally pull up to our destination, I put the car in park, and we are still just gabbing away (we both love to talk). Finally, it hits me that we can continue the conversation inside the store, so I look at my friend, without actually thinking this through, and say in an excited Mom voice, "Ya wanna go outside?!" Just as if I was asking the question to my child, or to a puppy.

We got lost in our laughter, and eventually made our way into the store. She's got 2 kids, so she'd been in my shoes before. She totally got me, and it was no big deal.

Still, it made me wonder why, along with my once-skinny waist, my size 6 shoes, my perky boobs, and a living room floor that didn't used to be covered in crushed Cheerios - WHY did my ability to socialize like a normal human being have to disappear, too?

By nature, I'm an outgoing woman - I love to talk to people, meet new people, listen to people, but ever since becoming a mom, it's like some switch got flipped in my brain, and from time to time I revert back to my shy, nerdy high school girl persona.

So, back to last night's outing. I show up in JEANS (with a cute top and cute shoes, though) at a wine bar - what was I thinking?! And then I start comparing myself to all these moms who are just made up all gorgeous in their cute, trendy clothes. I felt like such a frumpalumpagous.

And I froze.

I didn't say much. I smiled or laughed when someone said something funny, I nodded at the appropriate times, I chimed in here or there with a comment, but I still didn't feel entirely comfortable.

Sure, it was nice to be out of the house and spend time with some other women, but it was just another reminder to me that somewhere in this past year, I've lost a little bit of myself, and I really, really hope I can find it again.


Summer said...

I always feel this way at the beginning of my HurryDate events. =)

Mom said...

Hey Sera!
You are not a frumpalumpagous! You are beautiful! You may not have felt like it at the time but you are. (I'm not just saying that because I'm your Mom either!)

I still see the part of "you" that you may not see right now. I actually see more than I used to. You laugh at ridiculous things (like your Dad singing every word of theme songs to Gilligan's Island and The Beverly Hillbillies) and you are more laid back than you were a year ago.

Yah, when we become Moms our lifestyle changes a lot - but remember there are other parts of you that have come out that are quite amazing.

You have a GREAT husband and a beautiful, healthy little girl. It seems like you laugh every day at something Dennis or Kaylee said or did....

To all your followers - Sera is very cute and trendy even if she thinks she's not!

When you need to get away for a little while, Sera, give me a call. We never did go shopping for the "Girls"!

Jenners said...

Oh My God! I so related to you on this! We forget because we are hardly with grown ups anymore! And I love the word "frumpolumpogous." That pretty much sums me up to a tee! Love this post!

Pixeltrash said...

I totally understand where you are coming from and, believe it or not, it does all come back! I have to boys who are now 6 & 8 and my life is back and mostly mine. They are in school, we have a routine, etc. You will get there. The first two years (ok... 3 years) are hard. Then they get much easier! PS... my house is even clean!

Wendy said...

I COMPLETELY understand this!! I've become very self-conscious when out with adults these days (not that I've even dared a big event like a night out with the girls yet!). lol Every conversation I have, I'm always analyzing after, wondering if I talked about Pax too much, said something stupid, was annoying, etc. Those thoughts never crossed my mind before baby.

ITA with your mama, you're beautiful, smart, and I felt frumpy next to you on our shopping date! You're so stinkin' cute, even if you can't find it right now. When I'm closer, maybe we can brave that scary world of "not-mama-ness" together!

April said...

I know that feeling all too well. I have the hardest time talking to people that don't have kids. At least she did and didn't think you had completely lost your mind! ;)

Mama Kat said...

For what it's worth any pictures I've seen of you I've thought, "now THAT'S a cute mom!!" Don't worry, you'll get your groove thang back...if Stella can do it than so can you.

It's definitely hard to retrain your brain to talk about and think about things that are not baby. But what are we supposed to think and talk about when they are such a huge part of who we are now.

I wouldn't change a thing about you...go shop some more, new clothes will make you feel better. ;)

ps I love your mom. Can you send her to my blog to say some wonderful things about me??? I just want to hug her.

Kristen said...

Oh. I so hear ya sista! I am THE frumpy mom! So sad. *hang my head in shame*

Maggie said...

I thought you looked cute! Love you girl!