Real motherhood.

Motherhood has changed me in so many ways. I could talk about the cup size reduction, the fat relocation, the lack of sleep, the fact that I now eat things off the floor on a regular basis and occasionally partake of toddler foods for my own snacks, but today, I just want to focus on one aspect of how motherhood has changed me. And that, my friends, is the fact that I'm no longer as judgmental toward mothers.

Before I entered the world of motherhood, I will admit that I was totally judgmental.

I'd see moms in their sweats and messy hair and think, "Man, she's let herself go. Would it hurt to spend 5 minutes with a brush and a tube of mascara?" Mean, I know.

On the other end of the spectrum, I'd see those moms who were just totally gorgeous wearing the nice outfits, toting around their beautiful, well-behaved gorgeous children with perma-smiles on their faces and think to myself, "See? She took some time for herself? She hasn't let herself go. Look how cute her kids look in those trendy little outfits! Awww!"

Aw, BARF is what I think to myself now, as I sit in my sweats with no mascara on trying to pick spaghetti and peanut butter out of my hair.

Barf to the lady with the perfect outfit, the perfect children, and the smile that never fades. I'm calling her bluff because that's not real motherhood.

Now, hear me out. I like to look nice when I go out in public. I usually wear makeup every day, and I, for the most part, try to be presentable. Nothing wrong with that. But, there's also nothing wrong with going to the store in your sweats and crazy hair. To each his own.

What bugs the heck out of me is when women put this crazy pressure on themselves to act like they always have it together and that every single moment of every day with their children is filled with nothing but love and laughter and hugs. Oh, and no one ever farts or burps or says a cuss word in their little world, either.

Sure, there are moms who may have a better handle on things than others. Some may be more organized, more calm, better able to cope in stressful situations, but let's be honest - trying to act like it's all fun and games is just silly.

It's hard - plain and simple, and to me - it's really refreshing to be able to talk about the way it really is. I've been so blessed to have friends (and readers!) who are also willing to tell it like it is.

Frankly, I don't have time for sugar coating in my life (unless that sugar coating is on a piece of cake - in that case, I have PLENTY of time). I want people around me who can relate, who can be open and honest and not afraid to admit that this motherhood gig is no cakewalk.

When we give ourselves permission to admit that we have days when it feels like we weren't cut out for this, I think it helps us to enjoy and appreciate and relish in the multitude of fun and down-right hilarious days of motherhood as well.

In real motherhood, you can't have one without the other.

*This post is a part of Mama Kat's Thursday Writer's Workshop, hosted at Mama Kat's Losin It.

Wordful Wednesday: Motherhood, Tupperware and Toddlers - it's a beautiful mix.

What does motherhood mean?

It means a whole heck of a lot of things. Scraped knees, bonked heads, explaining dead goldfish, tickle fights, tooth fairies, learning to put someone else's needs before your own, and many, many other things.

Right now, one thing motherhood means to me is that my days of having a Tupperware cabinet where I can find exactly what I am looking for thanks to my six beautiful and elegant bins from Dollar Tree are gone. For several years to come.

And I'm quite okay with that.


*This post is a part of Wordful Wednesday, hosted by Angie at Angie's 7 Clown Circus.

Pondering the meaning of it all.

So, I got back from Vegas last night, and I'll tell you all about that soon. I promise. And as for pictures, I was not loving the idea of lugging out my inconveniently sized Canon camera, so I'm going to have to jack some pictures from my friends who are brilliant and carry cameras the size of iPods that are not cumbersome.

There will be pictures and stories to follow, for sure, but you're just going to have to wait. I'm mean - I know. I hate waiting, but you're not the boss of me, so you can't make me do anything. :)

Lately I've been thinking about the direction and purpose of my blog, and I've realized that here and there I've gotten distracted and in some ways I've gotten away from some of the most important reasons I started blogging in the first place.

I've enjoyed doing some reviews and giveaways, but I've had several things on my to-do list of reviews lately and it's become overwhelming and stressful to me, and no longer fun. So, I'm going to finish what I committed to because I feel strongly about keeping my word and following through with my commitments, and then I'll be cutting way back on things related to reviews and giveaways.

So, forewarning - I've procrastinated and have 3 CD reviews that are all due today, one product review that is due, and a book review as well (see what I mean? In over my head much?) so this week you'll be seeing more than usual of that, but I want you to know it's just because I need to FINISH these things. To get them off my plate, and then I can focus on what I really want to do with this blog.

Plus, I feel like the majority of you don't come here to read about products or win things because that's not the primary focus of my blog. I hope you come here because you want to read what I have to say, and hopefully some of it resonates with you.

I feel the need to prioritize things and establish a clear direction I want to go in. It's like I've had a little blog ADD or something, and I just need to step back, decide what needs to stay, what needs to go, and what is worthy of my time.

I promise it will all be worth it.

Gotta go figure out some plans for dinner, but watch for more stuff on Vegas later this week!

It's Vegas or bust, baby.

If you're reading this, I'm in Vegas. I know, sniff, sniff - you're really sad for me because I'm not going to have any fun at all.

I mean, I'll be staying at a total dump.

Relaxing in luxury.





























Shopping.

Dancing like a fool (seriously, like a fool - must I remind you I have no rhythm?).

Meeting blog friends for the first time.

Like Summer from Le Musings of Moi.



















And Mama Kat from Mama's Losin' It.













Riding a gondola while a little Italian man sings to me.















Eating lovely food.

Watching TV in the bathroom. Because there's a TV in the bathroom.

Walking around, pretending I'm actually in Venice, even though it's far, far away.















And smiling from ear to ear.




















Because I'm going on vacation. SITScation, to be exact, with a bunch of lovely ladies from SITS - otherwise known as The Secret is in the Sauce.

No diapers to change, no bills to pay, to work to go to, no dishes or clothes or spilled spaghetti-o's to clean up.

Just a girl's weekend in Vegas.

But, since we're all bloggers, I can tell you that what happens in Vegas, won't be staying in Vegas. ;)

Have a great weekend, and I'll tell you all about it when I return!

Eeeeeeee!!!!

I've said it before, and I'll say it again - she's my rock star.

The day was April 29, 2008.

It was the day Kaylee was born, but it was also the day I saw my mom in a whole new light.

She was there with me all day as I labored through contractions and walked up and down the halls in the labor and delivery unit.

With Dennis on one side and my mom on the other, I managed to endure about 8 hours of labor without my much-anticipated epidural.

When I was in the hospital bed and could tell I was about to get hit by a ginormous contraction, I'd close my eyes and just squeeze my mom's hand like there was no tomorrow. And it got me through, every time.

A lot of the details are fuzzy, but her and Dennis were like a tag team that day, taking turns rubbing my back and letting me squeeze their hands through the pain.

Dennis never left my side - he was rubbing my back pretty much the whole time.

But the face I remember seeing the most when I think back to that day is the face of my mom.

I remember her staying calm when I freaked out and I can still just picture her looking at me, and I could tell that if there was any way for her to take the pain from me, she would have. In a heartbeat.

I remember the look of excitement on her face when she first showed up at the hospital and I was still in the triage unit - it was like her face was telling me, "The day is finally here! We get to meet Kaylee - finally, and today I'll be a grandma! Woo hoo! Let's DO this thing!"

I'm so glad my mom was there with me that day. I needed her. I needed her right there beside me, holding my hand, reassuring me, and being there for me to lean on.

When all was said and done, and Kaylee had safely entered the world, that's when I realized my mom was more than just a mom.

I realized my mom is a rock star.

She managed to bring me into this world without any pain medication. I had my frickin' awesome epidural and didn't feel a thing once it kicked in. The contractions were unbearable at the end (hence, the epidural), but I don't even want to know what actually pushing the kid OUT would have felt like without drugs.

I realized that I put my mom through a heck of a lot the day I was born, and that was just the beginning.

She's always been there for me, through everything - stupid mistakes, stupid boys, zits, smart ass remarks, shopping for bras, leaving home for college, planning a wedding, getting married, being there for me the day Kaylee was born - and now - being there for me on my good and bad days as I do my best to be a rock star for my own daughter.

She's my mom, and she's my rock star, and I'm so, so lucky to have her.

Love you, mamacita. :)

*This post is a part of Writer's Workshop, hosted by the hilarious Mama Kat from Mama Kat's Losin' It.

Wednesday humor courtesy of moi. You're welcome.

Well, if you don't share my sense of humor, you may not laugh - you may think this is ridiculous and stupid, but I love it.

And frankly, I think we're in need of a little humor around here. We saw this a few days ago on TV and it just had me in stitches. Another reminder that when you're down in the dumps, funny stuff can really help lift you out of the funk you're stuck in.

Dennis and I get so excited every time Andy Samberg comes up with a new digital short on Saturday Night Live. He's just crazy and hilarious, and we love him. I wish we could be friends with him so we could sit around and insist that he makes us laugh all day and all night. But, he would probably think that was be weird, and - well, he's a celebrity, so we'll never be friends.

I'll just have to settle for watching his videos online. This is his latest, and it had us cracking up and rewinding the DVR to watch parts of it again. His facial expressions just kill me.

Andy Samberg - I Threw it On The Ground - watch more funny videos

I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow this house down.

This past week I've felt a bit like The Hulk when he starts to go from scrawny human to angry green monster.

It's made me feel a bit compelled to write about the aspect of depression that shows up as anger, because - frankly - I think that component is overlooked all too often.

Before I had actually experienced it for myself, I always associated depression with things like sadness, crying, having no energy, being down in the dumps, staying in bed all day - those types of things. I think those are the ideas that a lot of people in our society think of when we think depression.

But how often do we associate anger, and dare I even say it? RAGE with depression?

Because it is a symptom, but from my little corner of the world I never realized depression and anger went together until I experienced it for myself.

It doesn't fit the picture we all have in our minds.

I think one of the more common thoughts that probably comes into people's minds when they think of women with the baby blues, postpartum mood disorders, or just flat out depression is a picture of a woman who sits at home and cries all day.

Those of us who have been knee deep in depression or postpartum mood disorders know that's not how it is.

It's different for all of us. For some, maybe it does mean sitting at home crying all day. But, for me, and for several women that I have talked to in my own life, anger seems to be a pretty common theme, and if we're brave enough to admit it, we'll even tell you that the anger can turn to rage.

I'm talking about the feeling that your blood is actually boiling, you're on the verge of trembling and literally want to throw your TV set through your window kind of rage. You're mad, mad, MAD, and you can't talk yourself down from it. You don't think or act logically and you say things you regret.

You are 100% aware of what you are experiencing and how you are acting, but you have no power to change it.

Simply put - you are out of control.

It's amazing to me how we can put on our "I've got it all together faces," when really - we're falling apart and beating ourselves up over the fact that we are treating our families like dirt and have these emotions that seem unmanageable.

Now, I realize some people use a diagnosis to excuse their behavior, but that's not what I'm talking about here, and that's what makes it so difficult to grasp and to accept.

You act a certain way - you are mean, you are angry, and you want to stop. You hate what you see yourself doing, but it's happening anyway, and all you can do is wait for it to pass.

And in my case, wait and hope and pray and cross your fingers that the medication will kick in and do the same magic it did last time...

Ladies? If you've gone through this or are going through this - trust me. You're not alone. It happens, and there's help. You might feel crazy, but you're not, and you shouldn't have to feel like you need to just suck it up and move on. There's plenty of help out there that's yours for the taking, but you have to make the choice to accept it.