Thursday, October 22, 2009

Real motherhood.

Motherhood has changed me in so many ways. I could talk about the cup size reduction, the fat relocation, the lack of sleep, the fact that I now eat things off the floor on a regular basis and occasionally partake of toddler foods for my own snacks, but today, I just want to focus on one aspect of how motherhood has changed me. And that, my friends, is the fact that I'm no longer as judgmental toward mothers.

Before I entered the world of motherhood, I will admit that I was totally judgmental.

I'd see moms in their sweats and messy hair and think, "Man, she's let herself go. Would it hurt to spend 5 minutes with a brush and a tube of mascara?" Mean, I know.

On the other end of the spectrum, I'd see those moms who were just totally gorgeous wearing the nice outfits, toting around their beautiful, well-behaved gorgeous children with perma-smiles on their faces and think to myself, "See? She took some time for herself? She hasn't let herself go. Look how cute her kids look in those trendy little outfits! Awww!"

Aw, BARF is what I think to myself now, as I sit in my sweats with no mascara on trying to pick spaghetti and peanut butter out of my hair.

Barf to the lady with the perfect outfit, the perfect children, and the smile that never fades. I'm calling her bluff because that's not real motherhood.

Now, hear me out. I like to look nice when I go out in public. I usually wear makeup every day, and I, for the most part, try to be presentable. Nothing wrong with that. But, there's also nothing wrong with going to the store in your sweats and crazy hair. To each his own.

What bugs the heck out of me is when women put this crazy pressure on themselves to act like they always have it together and that every single moment of every day with their children is filled with nothing but love and laughter and hugs. Oh, and no one ever farts or burps or says a cuss word in their little world, either.

Sure, there are moms who may have a better handle on things than others. Some may be more organized, more calm, better able to cope in stressful situations, but let's be honest - trying to act like it's all fun and games is just silly.

It's hard - plain and simple, and to me - it's really refreshing to be able to talk about the way it really is. I've been so blessed to have friends (and readers!) who are also willing to tell it like it is.

Frankly, I don't have time for sugar coating in my life (unless that sugar coating is on a piece of cake - in that case, I have PLENTY of time). I want people around me who can relate, who can be open and honest and not afraid to admit that this motherhood gig is no cakewalk.

When we give ourselves permission to admit that we have days when it feels like we weren't cut out for this, I think it helps us to enjoy and appreciate and relish in the multitude of fun and down-right hilarious days of motherhood as well.

In real motherhood, you can't have one without the other.

*This post is a part of Mama Kat's Thursday Writer's Workshop, hosted at Mama Kat's Losin It.


hotpants™ said...

I think I fall in the middle. I have to dress up and put on makeup for work every day. On the weekends, I do wear bum clothes at home. When I run to the store, I'm always wearing presentable clothes even if I'm not wearing makeup.

Allyson said...

amen sista!!!

those women MUST have nannies. how can they do all that??

nice post :)

Alicia said...

awww i loved that! as i sit here in my pajamas still! lol....i think part of motherhood is letting yourself go....being selfless enough to just put the kids first...and thats OK! now give me a piece of that cake!! lol...

Ashley said...

I love reading your blog. I don't have children on my own yet. But I love how open and honest you are.

Amber Page Writes said...

Amen, amen, amen. I used to be Judgy McJudgy too. Now? I just hope no one's judging me.

Matt & Alisha said...

I loved you post! I am reminded what is in the future for me! Love it!

Connie Weiss said...

I'm a little of both of those moms. All week I"m in my jammies (or exercise pants) and no make up. My kids are wearing dirty clothes because they dressed themselves and that's what they want to wear.

BUT when we go out on Saturday morning...we are all dressed in nice clothes and we look AWESOME! LOL!

HeartsMakeFamilies said...

I really love this blog. I wrote a before and after motherhood blog yesterday. I am now a follower.

HeartsMakeFamilies said...

Please stop by my blog. I left you an award.

Orange Juice said...

TOTALLY! I always said I was never going to gain a kagillion lbs in pg or go outside without make up and that I would look good, my kids would look awesome and we'd be perfect. NOT!
I gained 80 lbs in my pg...and lost...a baby a birth but nothing more. Hang onto that fat for dear life! Now most days I saw screw it and live in grubby clothes and even enter the world of real people grubby with no make up. My child has a dirty face and clothes and we generally look like hell. YEAH! Livin it up in the OC!
I am so not judgmental anymore. Now I look at "those" women with awe and wonder how many hours they pay the nanny for so they can look that good.

Mama Kat said...

Boy you must really hate me...I mean...what with me being perfect and all. What? No I am NOT sitting here in sweat with my pony tail in a knot at the top of my head! I'M PERFECT DARN IT!

CC said...

wowzers! Jealous am I! Looks fab!