Thursday, March 12, 2009

I've come a long way, baby

It's been a big year for me.

The biggest thing that's happened for me in the past year was welcoming sweet Kaylee into the world. She's going to be ONE next month - a concept I still can't wrap my head around.

I've learned a crap load of things about myself since becoming a mom. There's things I can do now that I could never do before, and believe it or not - a handful of these things actually have nothing to do with being a mom.

After Kaylee was born, I doubted myself so much, especially in those first few weeks. I had a really hard time making the adjustment from being just a wife to being a wife and a mother.

But, this past year, my confidence has grown a lot. I think it started when I realized that I can't be a "perfect" mother. I had to face it - Kaylee wouldn't always get a bath every day, a hot, home cooked meal was not always going to be on the table, I wouldn't get to shower every day, and there would not be one single day of my life since the day my baby was born that my entire house would be clean.

Go ahead and insert a big sigh right about here.

Finally realizing that I couldn't live up to my idea of the perfect mother/wife was directly related to a boost in my self-esteem (don't get me wrong - there are still plenty of days when my confidence goes down the crapper...) While I was becoming more confident in my role as a mother, my confidence starting growing in other areas of my life as well.

A year ago, there were so many things I just simply couldn't do.

I couldn't establish and stick to a strict budget without buying "little things" here and there that we may or may not have needed. Now I can.

I couldn't sit on the toilet and pee, while holding a child and talking on my cell phone - all at the same time. Now I can.

I couldn't imagine what it would actually look like to have my living room floor covered in ripped up tissue in a matter of seconds. Now I can.

I couldn't talk on the phone while wiping someone's ass. Now I can totally do that.

I couldn't spend less than about $100 on groceries in a week. Now I can.

I couldn't fit into my favorite pants. Now I can!

I couldn't imagine letting my child sit in front of the TV for 30 minutes (ok - 45 sometimes...) before she was even a year old, just so I could have some peace and quiet. Now I can.

I couldn't walk in to a patient's room at my job and ask them to talk to me about why they wanted to end their life. It was too scary for me, and I just couldn't do it. Now I can.

I couldn't understand why some moms yelled at their kids in the grocery store. Now I can.

I couldn't look at a tiny little turd and even think about just fishing it out of water bare handed - no way in heck, dude! But that changes when you run the risk of your kid eating that little turd. No way I could have done it a year ago. Now I can.

I've come a long way, baby.

I'm a proud, money-savin', butt-wipin', waist-shrinkin', domestically disabled, barehanded turd-wranglin' mom who loses my patience more than I wish I did, and who lets her baby watch TV.

But, I can hold my baby and talk on the cell phone while I pee, so that makes up for everything else, because there's probably a lot of people out there who couldn't do that even if they tried.

This has been another Thursday Writer's Workshop post - made possible by the lovely and talented Mama Kat from Mama's Losin' It.


Young Momma said...

Good blog! :) The things that change with a baby!!! lol

LenaLoo said...

Go girl! You are awesome!

Autumn Twig said...

you go girl! :) im proud of you just by reading this post. But most of all i admire you for being human. i just simply cant understand perfectionists who seem to be managing it all so well and yet being squeaky clean. no offense to them of course but maybe i relate to you more.

best of luck :)

Dan said...

Great set of new abilities - especially the confidence that came with them.

Deb said...

you are my idol!

Anonymous said...

This is great, Sera. It's amazing to think about just how much has changed since July/September 2007, when we all got pregnant. It's just been one big series of changes since then. And we're living to tell about it! :)

~ Ruth

April said...

I think you ARE the perfect mother. To me, a perfect mother is one that knows she can't do it all perfectly and accepts that. Oh, and she has to be able to hold a baby, talk on the phone and pee all at the same time. :)

Lissa said...

It took me years trying to stop squeezinq myself into the mold of the perfect mom. Kudos to you for accepting yourself and of course doing the fantastic 3! lol

Summer said...

Obama said it best, "Oh Yes I Can!"

Jenni said...

I've been there. I've done those things. And I laughed to read them. I would say they are grand accomplishments for one year!

Anonymous said...

The fishing for a turd thing, Sera. Really? You've one-upped me. I still can't do that.

Dennis said...

Good for you, sweetheart. You forgot to mention being projectile-vomited upon. That's been my favorite so far - when she puked on me, then started playing in the barf with her fingers and drawing little designs in it. Awesome.

Mama Kat said...

Daaaaammmm girl you got skillz for realz!! It's amazing how much we learn after becoming parents!!

Jenners said...

Ok...this was a brilliant post -- funny and true. You forgot to add: "I couldn't imagine being a brilliant writer that people would want to read everyday ... but now I can."

Love you!

NateAndJakesMom said...

It is what I am the most proud of - being a mom. You summed it all up perfectly.