Oh, how she breaks us down...

A few weeks ago Dennis and I began having the conversation about when to nix the pacifier. The consensus was to try and do away with it when Kaylee turned 2 (which is just around the corner).

We also agreed that it may very well be harder on us than it is on her.

The pacifier (which she fondly refers to as her "night-night") is an instant silencer 97.6% of the time. It saves me from public embarrassment in restaurants, grocery stores, and the library. It helps her go to sleep. It seems to be the magic ingredient that gets her to take naps.

And it is also her own sad little version of crack cocaine.

Recently, we've noticed she's taken up quite the attachment to the dearly beloved night-night - moreso than usual. We suspected that maybe she senses the end is near, and she better take what she can get before it's taken from her.

So - today, as she asked for it for pretty much each and every waking moment, we realized we should probably nip this thing in the bud before the big birthday. It's really getting pretty pathetic. Our rule used to be "only when you're sleeping," but our little manipulator broke us down at some unidentifiable point (I'm guessing during an illness or a way-too-frigging-long car ride), and we bent the rules.

We decided, in a decision that was nothing short of impulsive, that tonight would be the night. I told Dennis she would break us.

And break us she did.

We had about a 20 minute car ride that consisted of complete and utter drawn out wailing and screaming and sobbing and the most pathetic, tearful scream of, "I. NEED. my. NIGHT-NIGHT!"

Over. And over. And over. Again.

Sometimes all Dennis and I could do was to simply look over at each other and burst into laughter. She sounded so very desperate and needy.

And her screams were beginning to break down our very cores.

Dammit!

We got in the house, Dennis tried to calm her down by cuddling with her on the couch, but nothing would do the trick. We decided to cave.

I dug a pacifier out from one of the multiple pockets of my newly purchased Destructed Khakis from Old Navy (so stinking comfy!) and tossed the pacifier to Dennis on the couch. He dropped it, and then pointed it out to Kaylee and told her to go get it.

She scurried over to it, squatted down on the floor, and just stared at it, probably thinking something along the lines of, "Where have you BEEN all my LIFE! I freaking LOVE you!" Then she promptly popped that sucker in her mouth and carried on as usual.

Instant transformation. Nothing but smiles and songs and cute little jibberish like, "Don't hit Mommy! Mommy loves you!" and "I need candy" and "Hee-haw, hee-haw, hee-haw" the rest of the night.

20 minutes. We didn't last more than 20 minutes.

We need serious help.

I am soliciting your advice. Tell me your tried and true methods of nixing the binkie. Sooner, rather than later - please???

Well, we're official members of the Poop is Fun to Play With Club

I can't believe it's taken us 22 months to officially earn our membership into this prestigious club. Sure, Kaylee had the whole episode when she was about 6 months old where she crafted a beautiful poop painting with her toes, but it wasn't until about 15 minutes ago that she inducted herself into the Poop is Fun to Play with Club.

I was sitting here, enjoying the fact that I could actually blog because Kaylee was quietly napping. I was working on some details for an upcoming food-themed week on the blog full of recipes, tips, giveaways and healthy, money-saving ideas. I was also trying to figure out how to tell you about the great books (11 so far) that I've read this year. So, I hear her start to fuss, but I let her be because it wasn't time for her to get up yet, and she was just whining a little bit.

Well, the whining quickly turned into a full blown fit, and I'm thanking my lucky stars I went in there at the precise moment I did or I fear that Kaylee would've facilitated her very own Extreme Nursery Makeover: Poop Edition.

I walk in and she's clutching her diaper - which is not on her body, and she's quietly saying, "Diaper off...diaper off."

Yes, my little baby genius. You are right. Your diaper is off. And your bed has poop on it. And you are playing with your poop. And I am totally grossed out.

So, the plans about food week and the ideas about sharing my must-reads with you had to wait.

I thought perhaps I could finish some of my thoughts by letting her watch Barney on the portable DVD player here in the office. But, she knows how to change it to Spanish now, and if there's anything more annoying than Barney, it's Barney and his obnoxious little pals singing in Spanish, so I'm afraid that's the end of my writing for today.

Because we can only take so much of Barney and the Wiggles

Kaylee's been sick since about Tuesday (doctor said it was nothing more than a cold), and when she's sick, we let her watch about as much TV as she wants. Often, it's all that will calm her down.

Isn't it amazing how the very things that irritate us the most right now (uh...Barney and the Wiggles) can be so soothing to her?

Dennis and I can only take so much. Seriously. So, we've gotten to the point of just being totally ridiculous.

We can either nix the videos altogether, or we can have one crying, whiny, cranky kid who just needs a dose of Barney or the Wiggles to make the world a better place again.

We'd rather have a happy child.

So, what do we do? We put the videos on and then start dancing like idiots - I mean totally over-the-top, worse than Steve Urkel dancing.

Laugh all you want. It's our way of dealing with it. Parents do some crazy crap when they get an overconsumption of annoying toddler programs. Some turn to booze. Some might take up crack. Others might run away from home or join the circus. Anything to get away.

Us? Well, we dance until we have sufficiently irritated our child - just so she has a taste of the irritation that we, ourselves, experience. We start to dance and after we've gotten obnoxious enough for Kaylee to peel her eyes away from the TV, she notices us and gets a terrified look on her face and begins screaming a frantic, "NO! No-no-no! No! NO!"

And then we laugh until it hurts.

Because laughing is better than crack cocaine, folks.

I'll take diarrhea of the mouth with a side of insomnia for 200, Alex.

When I talked about getting my priorities straight and not feeling guilty if certain things (i.e. the blog) had to take a back burner, I really didn't think I'd go two weeks without writing at all. But, I did. And I survived. And so did you. And here we are again.

I haven't written much because - well, I'm tired. Seriously tired. As in dragging all day and feeling like I could take a nap at any given moment, and frankly - I haven't had the brain power to write anything that really makes sense.

So, instead, I've been reading a lot. Reading books by people who were, at one point, getting enough sleep to write interesting and entertaining things that actually made sense. (I'll be doing a post about some of the great books I've been reading at some point in the hopefully-not-too-distant future...)

I'm working with my doctor to get this sleep thing figured out so I can feel like a normal person again. For several weeks, I'd fall asleep with no problem at all, but I'd wake up pretty much every two hours on the dot. Can we say annoying? Ugh.

Then my doctor switched me to a different antidepressant (fondly known in this house as ABPs for any of you newbies out there) that didn't put such a huge dent in our budget that I had to wonder...hmmmm, do we buy mama's happy pills and wipe our butts with newspaper this month, or do we buy toilet paper and skip the pills?

Joking...

About the toilet paper thing, anyway. We've never really had the meds vs. toilet paper dilemma, but seriously, what I was on was crazy expensive, so we decided to give something else a try. Plus, I think Dennis and I would both agree that we'd take out a second mortgage on the house and give up the internet, TV and chocolate if it meant I could keep my ABPs.

Now, I was having the sleep trouble even before I started the new stuff, but now, instead of waking up every two hours, I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow at 10, but I wake up anywhere between 1 a.m. and 3 a.m. and never fall back asleep.

It's torture.

So, we're decreasing my meds for a week to find out if that change alone will improve my sleep while still managing my anxiety/depression. Oh, how I love the waiting game!

But, in the meantime, I have a prescription for what I hope is something wonderful - Ambien, my friends.

Unfortunately, though - I'm on call at work for the next two nights, so it's like someone is dangling a Kit Kat bar in front of my face and every time I think about having a bite, they snatch it away...I've got the prescription in my hot little hands, but I don't suppose driving into work at 2 a.m. to deal with a psych patient while I, myself, am under the influence of Ambien would be a fantastic idea. So, two more nights and then hopefully I'll get a solid 8 hours in a row thanks to yet another little pill that will hopefully contribute to my happiness.

So - on top of this whole I'm not frigging SLEEPING thing, Kaylee got sick last night.

Crappity, crap, crap.

Congestion, nasty cough, snot, crankybuttedness, the whole 9. And I freaked out. It drug up everything we went through when she was so sick and ended up in the hospital, when she got sick again just after being released from the hospital, facing doctors who didn't understand the severity of her recurrent illness, and eventually taking her in for emergency surgery. That whole thing began with a simple ear infection gone really, really bad, so you know there was a part of me that was wondering if it might happen again.

This is the first time she's been sick since her surgery, and I know kids are more prone to ear infections when they've got colds. So, I'm just praying it doesn't get worse.

In other news (hey, I go two weeks without writing - you can pretty much count on getting a smorgasbord of random thoughts that I've had bottled up for 14 days...), the whole cooking healthy meals with fresh ingredients thing is still going really well. I continue to try new recipes, and Dennis is patiently going along with it. I know it's gotta sound crazy, but I have found that I love the mindless monotony of chopping vegetables. Isn't that ridiculous? But I'm being serious! I get so excited when I've got an entire meal that's cooked and I realize that I chopped every little carrot and potato and bell pepper.

It's the little things, ya know?

Mama Kat occasionally does a feature on her blog called something to the effect of "What's for Dinner?" where she has pictures and/or video of the ingredients she uses and how to make a certain recipe.

I'm pretty seriously contemplating a food-themed week coming up soon here with some ideas for healthy yet delicious cooking based on some of the recipes we've tried and loved, and some of the ways we're saving money on the good stuff. And, of course I'll have a couple giveaways to go along with all of my sage advice. Ha ha ha.

And, that's probably enough for now. This is why I shouldn't go 2 weeks without posting - I get diarrhea of the mouth and can't shut up. So, if you're still reading, do what Kaylee does when she coughs, and pat yourself on the back. You deserve it.