Sunday, November 9, 2008

Welcome to the Chaos

I've wanted to be a mama ever since I was old enough to tote around a doll.

This blog is all about my journey through motherhood. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. My daughter brings me more joy than I could have ever imagined. I just wish I had a clue how hard it was going to be. No one ever told me. I thought I'd have my baby, come home, breastfeed her, experience the usual sleep deprivation, deal with poop and puke and other bodily fluids, all the normal stuff you expect.

I had no freakin' clue that my baby would decide not to latch on for 2 months and that I would tirelessly pump around the clock - every three hours for that entire first 2 months- because I was so stubbornly set on providing her with breast milk.

And I didn't realize that I would feel like such an emotional wreck, and even somewhat of a failure, for not being able to breast feed my own child.

I had no clue that the physical recovery from child birth would be so painful.

I had no clue that sleep deprivation isn't just some silly phrase - it can totally mess with your body and your mind.

I had no clue that I would turn into such an Ice Queen, and that you can have postpartum depression even if you don't feel "depressed."

I had no clue that antidepressants (which I have fondly nicknamed "ABP's" - short for "anti-bitchy pills") would be my saving grace and bring the real me back into existence (have I mentioned I have the world's most patient husband?).

And that's just to name a few of the things I didn't have a clue about.

I feel like there are so many things no one ever told me. I'm learning that there are certain aspects of motherhood that too many "been there, done that" mamas don't like to discuss. But these are things that need to be put out there, because if they're not, then that means there are too many of us sitting at home thinking we're crazy, or that we're just not cut out for this gig.

I'm coming to realize that most of what we go through as moms is utterly and completely normal - but there's just too much of it that no one is really willing to talk about. Well, I'm ready to talk about it. Humor has always played a big part in my life, and to be honest, I think it's all that gets me through some days.

So, I can promise you that this blog isn't going to be a downer just because I talk about my struggles. I believe that humor is an incredible tool for dealing with the tough stuff, so, just like the title of my blog implies, you'll get to read all about how I laugh through the chaos that is my new life as a mother.

If no one ever comments on my posts and all I do is blabber on and on about my life, so be it. That's fine. At least I'll get a few things off my chest. But, I really, really encourage you to comment - let's get a dialogue going and share the ups and downs of motherhood together.

If I manage to make it to my bedroom without tripping over a bouncy seat, jumperoo, pile of laundry, stray shoe, or random breast pump part, I'll be back tomorrow to write more. Until then, I hope you get more sleep than I do tonight.


Cristina said...

Sera, I really like what you wrote. You are a great writer.

I wanted to say that I sometimes feel a lot of judgment being passed by others because my baby doesn't sleep through the night at 6 months. I am trying myself to accept this as normal, but it doesn't help when everyone else- usually NOT mothers, but fathers, friends, cousins, wonders what is wrong and offers all sorts of useless advice. *sigh*

Thanks Sera for this blog...

Sera said...

Hey, I hear ya. Mine still isn't sleeping through the night at 6 months, either. She has at random times, so I know she can, but it's still up 2-3 times/night on average, and it's really frustrating.

It's also extremely frustrating to get that advice from other people (like you said - especially the ones who aren't moms) because for some reason, they seem to think that they have the magic cure to help your situation. So not helpful.

Jenners said...

Hi--I too am going back to the beginning and reading your blog. We have even more in common.

Difficulty breastfeeding? Check (I lasted 6 weeks)
Postpartum depression? Check (still using Zoloft 4 years later...don't let that scare you)

No one tells the truth about motherhood because then no one would ever do it!

Debbie said...

Came over from Deb's. This was a great post. So, did no one help and support you through those rough months? No one helped you breastfeed. What a terrible thing. No wonder you were so stressed.

Summer said...

I adore you. I think I need a few hours to sit down and read your blog from the beginning. So well written, so honest, so funny...and on and on and on!

This post sounds a lot like this one of mine:

P.S. When I try to reply to your comments, to the gmail address, it always gets sent back to me....

Dan said...

I came over from the first post linky. When we had our son, L, my wife, had a very hard time breast feeding and we had to go to formula on medical advice.

Turned out there was a family history of milk insufficiency going back at least two generations the just "wasn't talked about" in her family.

That was nearly twenty years ago and all is fine - so there is hope if you ignore the nattering nabobs of nipple negativism (my name for all the spurious advice givers like myself).

Deb said...

i think i may be in love with you. sera, this is a post every new mom, old mom, soon to be mom, MAN, should read.

i have known for a while that you are a young mom handling REAL struggles with such grace and honesty, but this post is amazing.

i hope you never, ever, ever change. lil' miss kaylee is going to be one heck of a woman.

Sera said...

Debbie - I had plenty of support! It was just still rough in spite of it all. We had weekly (sometimes biweekly) visits with a lactation consultant and I had tons of family support. It was still just real hard.

Courtney said...

I came over from dirty socks & pizza. I love this post and relate to it on so many levels. I am so glad I found your blog!

America's Next Top Mommy said...

Hi there. I came over from dirty socks and love your honesty. Motherhood is so bi-polar isn't it? I love it and hate it all at once and the challenge is to find that middle ground. It's true that it is beautiful and wonderful and fun. But it's also true that it's messy and exhausting and frustrating.

So glad I found you, us mama's gotta stick together!

Jennifer said...

Great intro! Just found your blog via Postpartum Progress and look forward to following your journey. Hope it's okay if I add you to my blogroll. :)