There's a hole in my bucket, Dear Liza, Dear Liza.

Since I've been out of the blog world for what seems like so long, I forgot until just now that today is Writer's Workshop with Mama Kat . One of the prompts this week was to write out your bucket list - 100 things you want to do before you turn 100. I easily came up with 50 before my brain decided it was time for me to go to bed. Actually, as soon as I wrote the above sentences, I remember that I want to have a chicken coop - hence, #51, which then led to numbers 52 and 53. I'm sure I'll come up with more later. But, this is a pretty good start.

1. Learn to swim.
2. Find a type of sushi that actually tastes good.
3. Go to Italy.
4. Once I can actually swim, swim in the ocean.
5. Learn to grill food on the bbq.
6. Plant and harvest a garden.
7. Learn to drive a stick shift.
8. Get my BSW license.
9. Become an obstetrics social worker.
10. Have another baby.
11. Take my daughter to the places I grew up.
12. Ride a hot air balloon.
13. Drive a convertible.
14. Go to grad school.
15. Learn to play the violin.
16. Move to a house with a fenced in back yard that my child can actually play safely in.
17. Take a painting class (preferably a Bob Ross class - seriously)
18. Take a pottery class.
19. Read all of Barbara Kingsolver's books.
20. Ride in an authentic gondola. With an authentically handsome gondolier.
21. Find a really, really good wine that I love.
22. Become a public speaking advocate/educator for postpartum mood disorders (in the works)
23. Go to a new bed and breakfast every year.
24. Go on a horseback ride in the woods.
25. Buy a pair of totally hot pink high heels, and actually learn to walk in them. Without breaking my ankles.
26. Successfully stop biting my nails. For good.
27. Answer the door with my husband as he holds a shotgun while letting Kaylee's first boyfriend in the house to meet us for the first time.
28. Win a radio contest.
29. Adopt a family at Christmas.
30. Play bingo with old people.
31. Show my husband Mt. Rushmore when the faces are not completely covered in fog.
32. See a crazy meteor shower.
33. Watch lightning bugs.
34. Buy a buttload of lady bugs and let them go in my future garden.
35. Stay up half the night finishing my child's science fair project the night before it's due, just so I can truly appreciate what I put my own mom through.
36. Go on a weekend getaway with my very best girl friends.
37. Spend entire day. ENTIRE day at a spa. Pedi. Mani. Massage. Facial. The works.
38. Get published. In something other than Blogger or a college newspaper.
39. Own a hammock.
40. Play a game of Super Mario Bros. 3 without uttering a single cuss word.
41. Get a cat.
42. Figure out a way to not be allergic to cats.
43. Raise a happy, confident, assertive, brave little girl.
44. Touch a dolphin.
45. Introduce Kaylee to all of her great-grandparents.
46. Participate in a "Beat the Blues" walk for postpartum mood disorders awareness.
47. Go to New York City.
48. Teach Kaylee how to fish.
49. Camp at the bottom of the Grand Canyon.
50. Make baking soda volcanoes with Kaylee.
51. Have a chicken coop and sell fresh eggs to my friends and family.
52. Take a self defense class.
53. Try at least one new recipe every month.

Junk in the trunk.

This is not an easy conversation for me to have on my blog. In fact, I wrote the majority of this post nearly a month ago, and I've just been sitting on it, making sure I want to put it out there.

But ultimately, after having a good amount of time to mull it over, I've decided it's going up because is something I feel really compelled to write about. To be honest, it's probably more for my own therapeutic benefit than anything else, but also because I think it's really important for us to constantly be looking at our lives and making sure that we're dealing with our "junk" because when we carry around things that aren't resolved, it starts to affect our lives in ways we'd never imagine.

For years, I've been able to fly under the radar without these particular issues not seeming to affect my life all that much. But, I can now see that ever since Kaylee was born, these issues have been trying to push their way to the surface. I have this fear that the same things that happened to me, the same harmful ideas and concepts that were ingrained in my head as a kid and young adult, will somehow get to my child as well.

For now, I'm keeping things pretty general. Maybe down the road, as I figure things out a little better, I'll share more, but I figure this here is a good place to start.

About a month ago, I wrote a post about how I hadn't been sleeping well. I couldn't, for the life of me, figure out why, until I had two pivotal conversations - one with my mom, and one with a friend that prompted me to start digging a little deeper. She helped me realize that maybe my brain was literally giving me a wake-up call in the night, saying, "Yo! Sera! There's stuff in here you need to deal with!" She thought that maybe, if I could pinpoint whatever that was, I might be able to sleep better again. And she was right, because I've been sleeping like a log ever since I figured out what was bothering me.

So...here's the post I began writing on February 9, 2010.

*****

I think I've finally figured out what's been keeping me up at night for weeks on end.

After talking with my mom yesterday, it seems that I can pinpoint the time when the sleeplessness began, and now it's all making sense to me.

Not long after Kaylee's ear surgery, we made the choice to keep her out of the church nursery to limit her exposure to illness during the cold/flu season. Her immune system was shot after 2 months of heavy-duty antibiotics, and we didn't want her to end up in the hospital again. So, I began staying home with her on Sundays while Dennis went to church.

Stepping back from church gave me the opportunity to really look at some things in my own life. I've been going to church since I was a baby, but not long after Kaylee was born, I realized I had been having less and less interest in church, and I wasn't quite sure why. It's always been a big part of my life, and growing up, it's where I formed my identity, so to have these thoughts of wanting to step back from it for a while seemed weird to me.

Unfortunately, many aspects of my identity were skewed as a result of some ideologies I learned in the churches I went to.

Because of what I was told over and over during my younger years in church, I've been spending my life trying to live up to expectations that are nothing short of impossible. I've had an all or nothing mentality. I've driven myself to the edge with anxiety and worry and panic because I haven't been able to achieve perfection and the ideal image of who I thought I should be.

I've lived in constant fear of being judged, not being liked, not being good enough, and not making other people happy, and the things I was lead to believe in church ultimately set me up for some really unhealthy perceptions of myself later in life.

I was led to believe a whole series inaccurate things about myself...what it means to be a woman, a mother, a wife, and a Christian.

What I was told all those years ago has set me up to have these underlying themes of guilt and shame throughout my life, even when they were completely and utterly unnecessary and unfounded.

The intellectual part of my brain knows that I was lied to, that I unabashedly trusted people who never deserved my trust and who did nothing but hurt me in return.

It's just taking me some time to accept the fact that the things I learned in church as a young, trusting, impressionable girl have left a tremendously deep footprint on my heart, and it's not one of those footprints in the sand that's light and pretty - it's like a footprint from a big old nasty heavy boot with steel toes.

Being away from church for a while and having time to really think about some of the not so great behind-the-scenes stuff that all churches have (I don't care how "great" a church is - they've all got junk. They're run by people, and none of us are perfect) it's just made old memories fresh and raw, and it's just made me all kinds of angry and ticked off. I can look back on things with a different perspective and see how blinded and naive and vulnerable I was.

The only place I know to go from here is - well, to counseling, to be honest with you. Trying to get my head and my heart on the same page is a rather difficult thing. I'm a much stronger, more confident, and way less naive person than I was back then, but I need somebody neutral to help me figure this stuff out.

I'm comfortable in my faith, and I believe that God accepts me as I am, and that He doesn't want me to live in shame, fear, or guilt. I know those things, but it doesn't change some of the things that happened to me over the last 20 years. It doesn't change the fact that people - who claimed to be doing God's work - did and said things to me that I will never, ever forget, and that will always, always hurt me.

I just know that now, at the slightest sign of being hurt by people who claim to be Christian and doing "God's work" - all I want to do is run. I want to protect myself from ever being hurt like that again. And I'm trying to find the balance between protecting my daughter from those very things, while - at the same time - teaching her about our faith in an accurate light.

There's still a lot for me to figure out, so I'm just going to end here. I certainly welcome your comments and your stories and your experiences. Let's just keep things friendly, ok? Any mean or nasty comments will not be published.

(This post is a part of Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop taking place every Thursday over at Mama's Losin' It.)

Let's just go ahead and start things off with some cake down the dress.

Hands down, the funniest thing that happened at our wedding was during the cake cutting at the reception. Dennis and I talked beforehand about how it would go, and we didn't have plans for anything to get too crazy. Maybe a little bit of smeared frosting, but nothing crazy. Nothing crazy was the plan.

And then, the cake Dennis was about to give me took a nosedive straight down the front of my dress. We won't share the comment my dad made. You can just use your imagination. :)

*This post is a part of Writer's Workshop at Mama's Losin' It.

Real motherhood.

Motherhood has changed me in so many ways. I could talk about the cup size reduction, the fat relocation, the lack of sleep, the fact that I now eat things off the floor on a regular basis and occasionally partake of toddler foods for my own snacks, but today, I just want to focus on one aspect of how motherhood has changed me. And that, my friends, is the fact that I'm no longer as judgmental toward mothers.

Before I entered the world of motherhood, I will admit that I was totally judgmental.

I'd see moms in their sweats and messy hair and think, "Man, she's let herself go. Would it hurt to spend 5 minutes with a brush and a tube of mascara?" Mean, I know.

On the other end of the spectrum, I'd see those moms who were just totally gorgeous wearing the nice outfits, toting around their beautiful, well-behaved gorgeous children with perma-smiles on their faces and think to myself, "See? She took some time for herself? She hasn't let herself go. Look how cute her kids look in those trendy little outfits! Awww!"

Aw, BARF is what I think to myself now, as I sit in my sweats with no mascara on trying to pick spaghetti and peanut butter out of my hair.

Barf to the lady with the perfect outfit, the perfect children, and the smile that never fades. I'm calling her bluff because that's not real motherhood.

Now, hear me out. I like to look nice when I go out in public. I usually wear makeup every day, and I, for the most part, try to be presentable. Nothing wrong with that. But, there's also nothing wrong with going to the store in your sweats and crazy hair. To each his own.

What bugs the heck out of me is when women put this crazy pressure on themselves to act like they always have it together and that every single moment of every day with their children is filled with nothing but love and laughter and hugs. Oh, and no one ever farts or burps or says a cuss word in their little world, either.

Sure, there are moms who may have a better handle on things than others. Some may be more organized, more calm, better able to cope in stressful situations, but let's be honest - trying to act like it's all fun and games is just silly.

It's hard - plain and simple, and to me - it's really refreshing to be able to talk about the way it really is. I've been so blessed to have friends (and readers!) who are also willing to tell it like it is.

Frankly, I don't have time for sugar coating in my life (unless that sugar coating is on a piece of cake - in that case, I have PLENTY of time). I want people around me who can relate, who can be open and honest and not afraid to admit that this motherhood gig is no cakewalk.

When we give ourselves permission to admit that we have days when it feels like we weren't cut out for this, I think it helps us to enjoy and appreciate and relish in the multitude of fun and down-right hilarious days of motherhood as well.

In real motherhood, you can't have one without the other.

*This post is a part of Mama Kat's Thursday Writer's Workshop, hosted at Mama Kat's Losin It.

Losing my teeth in a caramel apple and explosive sandbox volcanoes

Do you ever think back on your childhood and wonder why you remember some things?

Although I lived in 3 different houses in my growing up years, one of the homes in particular comes to mind when I think of my childhood home. We moved there before I was old enough to remember, and we moved away when I was about 10.

It was a cute little 2 story with a grassy front yard, a fenced in backyard, a swing set, a sandbox and a dog kennel with our obnoxious dog, Axel (yes, for the Guns 'n Roses Axel), who was forever sniffing my butt every time I went outside.

I have so many fond memories of our time in that home (the constant butt sniffing not being one of those...).

Sitting on my front porch in the summertime offering the mailman a bite of my lime popsicle.

Coming *this* close to getting my little brother to eat a dog turd because I told him it was a tootsie roll.

Making the conscious choice to lock the door to my room, step outside of it, and pull the door closed, bidding all my toys farewell because of my brilliant plan to tell my dad that I couldn't clean my room because I was locked out of it. I may go the rest of my childhood without my toys, but if it meant I didn't have to clean it, it was worth it all. The plan got shot to crap the moment my dad was all, "What the hell!" and picked the lock with a pen. And I thought it was such a brilliant plan...

Watching in disbelief as my little brother - a toddler at the time - crawled under the table and the tried to stand up, hitting his head and then yelling, "Shit!"

Waking inside my house on my birthday to find a yellow brick road made of construction paper with clues about little munchkins waiting for me in the basement, leading to a surprise Wizard of Oz birthday party.

Losing my front teeth in a caramel apple when I went over to the neighbor kid's house to play.

Learning how to play pacman on our ginormous new computer. It was super high tech with a brown screen and orange lettering.

Watching ET in the basement with my family for the first time, and covering my eyes during the part at the end where ET is in all those tubey things and looks all powdery and chalky.

Using masking tape to put prices on all my toys, pretending I had my own store.

Sitting on the sidewalk in front of my house capturing ants with a shovel and putting them in buckets, naming each and every one.

Making volcanoes in the sandbox with a vinegar concoction of some kind.

When we travel back to the town we used to live in, we drive by our old house. It looks the same, but now it's gray instead of black and white. And it seems smaller. The neighbors who lived in the green house next door are still there. They told us people moved in who were selling crack or some other illegal drug.

Frickin' idiots.

Our family was never made of money, but my parents sure did a heck of a lot of things to make sure we had a buttload of fun memories to look back on.

And that, to me, is one of the things I get most excited about when it comes to being a parent. Now it's my turn to teach my kid all sorts of fun stuff like how to start a rock collection, how to make volcanoes in your back yard, and how to get out of cleaning your room for 3 minutes. There's so much to look forward to!

This post is a part of Writer's Workshop, hosted by Mama Kat over at Mama's Losin' It

Wait, wait. I'm having a moment here...

Sometimes all I want is just a minute.

Well, that's a lie. I want more than a minute. I'd like 5, 10, 45 minutes, or hey - how about a whole afternoon? A whole day? A weekend? That's probably pushing it...

My life has a tendency to spin a bit out of control at times, just as I'm sure yours does from time to time. Things pile up, the stress continues to mount, and I reach a point where I have a hard time just carrying on as usual.

Sometimes it just gets to be too much, and if I could just have a minute (and by minute I mean at least a couple of hours), I could function oh-so-much better.

Do you ever have those times in your life where you feel like so much is going on that you don't have the ability to just sit? Just be? Just think and ponder and reflect and get back to basics?

That's what kind of time I'm having.

I try to wind down every night by reading a book before bed. It relaxes me, it distracts my mind, makes my eyes tired, and helps me get a restful night's sleep. But even that doesn't give me what I ultimately need, and the majority of the time, I don't make what I need a priority.

I think it has to do with the fact that there are these unspoken expectations that go along with being a wife and a mother and, in general, a woman in today's world. I think we're finally making some progress as it is becoming more acceptable to take care of ourselves, but that is not how it's been for women in our society.

You can talk about women's liberation until you're blue in the face, but the fact is - we are still followed around with these expectations that we are supposed to do certain things and be a certain way.

Cook dinner. Take care of your babies. Listen. Nurture. Behave. Don't be bitchy. Don't be rude. Volunteer. Don't lose your temper. Don't confront. Say yes. Go there. Be there. Do this. Do that.

It's so sad that for many of us, it's like pulling teeth just to say no to something. We're plagued by this guilt, and for those of us that are moms, we all suffer from Mommy Guilt in its many forms.

Guilt...

For not spending enough time with our kids.
For not feeding them organic or fresh food.
For giving them pre-packaged, microwave it in 30 seconds lunches.
For plopping them in front of the TV so we can have some silence.
For wanting to get away.
For using formula instead of breast feeding.
For getting mad at them.
For yelling at them.

We're scared...

Of being judged.
Of not being perfect.
Of not being as good as those other moms who appear have it all together.
That we really can't handle all that comes our way.

But, that's not how it's supposed to be.

We shouldn't plague ourselves with guilt. We shouldn't be scared of failing or of being judged or of falling short of the mark.

We are humans. We are moms. And we are doing the best that we can.

But, if there's one thing we suck at, it's taking care of ourselves. Taking care of ourselves without the guilt...

...Realizing that just because we want to get away from our kids and our spouses and our homes and our responsibilities - THAT DOES NOT MEAN WE ARE BAD MOMS.

We can't be on our game if we're burning the candle at both ends and constantly on edge about something because we've just had it up to HERE and feel like we're going to crack. We have so much on our plates as women - I don't care if you have kids, work outside the home, are married, are single, whatever. The mere fact that we are women automatically means that we have a tremendous amount of responsibility, stress, and unrealistic expectations.

We all just need a minute. A minute to breathe, to think, to be ALONE and not be bothered.

I've felt the need for my own little minute coming for quite a while now, and the events of the past couple weeks, eventually resulting in my 16-month-old spending 3 nights in the hospital have only made that more clear to me.

I have so much on my mind. I feel so overwhelmed. And I am still shook up about everything that happened. But, I came home to past due bills, piles of laundry, not a clean pair of underwear in sight, and a kitchen full of dirty dishes. I couldn't just melt down. I had things to tend to.

So, hmmm...have a much-needed cry fest and let everything out, or gee - get our house payment in the mail yesterday to avoid late fees and annoying calls at 8:45 p.m. from the idiots at the bank? Let's go ahead and just make that payment. The breakdown can wait for another day...

I want to be able to just sit and think. I want some time to myself where I don't feel the need to accomplish chores and run errands and be productive.

And Friday, I'm going to have my minute.

I've got to play the mom card first thing in the morning to take Kaylee to a follow-up appointment, but after that...I'm a free woman.

I'm getting a spa pedicure at a fancy little spa (thank you Colin and Sarah!) where they have huge cushy chairs that you sink way down into. They have big copper bowls with marbles in the bottom, bubbles galore, and rose petals on top of the bubbles where your toes soak and soak and soak. There's scrubbing and massaging and hot paraffin wax dips. And beautimous toes, freshly painted in what I'm guessing will be a deep, sparkly red.

Who knows what will come after that. All I know is there will be no washing of clothes or dishes, no paying of bills, no poopy diapers, no naptimes (unless I decide I want a nap), no crying from people whose name is not Sera, and no stress.

I don't have a plan. And that's how I want it. No strings. No real plans. Just time. Time to chill out, to let things sink in, to cry if I want to, and to get myself back together - back where I feel like I can handle things again and where I feel more at peace.

What would YOU do with a minute?

*This post is a part of Mama Kat's brainchild - Writer's Workshop - taking place every Thursday over at Mama's Losin' It.

Oh, that? It's nothing. It's just my front yard. Floating down the street.

They say there's a first time for everything, and I say - yeah, there's a first time for everything, and all those first things can be boiled down into two very simple categories: first times that rock your face off, and first times that scare the living daylights out of you.

Let's talk specifics.

So...first times that rock your face off...

First car. First time on the Gravitron at the fair. First plane ride. First job out of college. First baby. First time your baby laughs. First time you do a Total Body Sculpt workout with Gilad. First time you simultaneously hold a small child while peeing and talking on your cell phone. Are we getting the picture yet?

Now, first times that scare the tar out of you...

First time you lacerate your middle finger on a broken olive oil jar. First time you bare hand a turd out of the tub (your child's, not your own - let's just be clear now as I can't having you all thinking I poop in the bathtub - I assure you I do not). First time you lose someone you love. First time your front yard decides enough is enough and it packs up, along with a mighty rushing river and decides to bid you farewell without so much as even a goodbye wave as it goes floating down the street in front of your house.

We got some freak of nature rainstorm in our neighborhood this week (in an area notorious for droughts, I'll have you know) and it ransacked our front yard. Hmmm. I think ransacked might be a more appropriate word to use when describing what burglars do to a house, but I'm using it here anyway. It sounds good.

Anyway, this God-forsaken storm took out part of our cement step, all of our landscaping, and the fabric that was underneath the landscaping. The water (and clay-like dirt from our property) also decided to take a fun trip through our air conditioner and our vents, and flooded the crawl space under our house, where our electric water heater is housed.

And, insurance isn't covering a thing because - oh, I don't know why...BECAUSE WE DON'T HAVE FLOOD INSURANCE because no one in this town has flood insurance because we are in a frigging DROUGHT area.

But! The claims specialist assured me that, in the future, they WILL cover landscaping if someone, other than myself, is driving a motor vehicle and runs into either my trees or my shrubs, uprooting or damaging them. Gee, thanks, lady. I don't have any trees or shrubs - it's a drought area and I don't want to pay a gajillion dollars a month to water them so we have landscape rocks, which happen to not be covered even though they cost more than your precious trees and shrubs...

So, getting back on point. Yes, there's a first time for everything. I never thought I'd experience the first time I watched my front yard float down the road, but now I can say that I have, and that I hope to high heaven and all the way back that it never happens again.

Here's our mighty raging river...

This post is a part of one of Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop, taking place every Thursday over at Mama Kat's Losin' It. If you're not playing along, you totally should be.

New mamas and future mamas, listen up!

This week Mama Kat is asking her readers to give advice as part of Writer's Workshop. So - new and future mamas, even though you didn't ask, Mama Kat did, so this is not considered unsolicited advice - that thing we all hate so very much.

There are so many nuggets of wisdom I've got sitting up in this head of mine, just waiting to be shared with the world, but I'll just share a few of them with you today.

1. That mom in sweatpants and a ratty t-shirt you snickered at in Wal-Mart who had the screaming kid with something orange on his face, hair with something sticky in it, and only one shoe on? Maybe next time don't snicker at her. That's gonna be you some day. You can swear up and down all you want that you'll never take your kid in public if he's unpresentable, and that you will always look cute when you show your face in a large shopping center, but that will all be a big lie. Please proceed to #2.

2. The minute you say, "I'll never" is the minute fate will look upon you and laugh a hysterically deep and annoying belly laugh. I uttered those two fateful words in my head in regards to a couple of furry little beasts named Barney and Elmo. And to be honest with you, Barney and Elmo should be the new words for MOMMY GETS A SHOWER TODAY in our house. Seriously. You'll be surprised the things you'll do that you swore you never would. Go ahead, join me and the ranks of thousands of other neglectful and mean mothers who let their THREE month olds watch Baby Einstein so we could catch a quick nap or check our email. I dare you.

3. When you're pregnant, people will tell you - "You better sleep while you can!" with a look on their face that instantly makes you want to reach out and strangle them because you've heard that piece of advice a gajillion times. Really, they don't know what they're talking about. Sleep doesn't carry over after you have a baby. You won't sleep at the hospital after you have the baby, and you won't sleep in long stretches for an ungodly period of time after you bring your little bundle home. You could sleep your life away before you have kids and it won't matter one bit. So, you know what I say? Don't sleep! Party it up. Live a little. Shop at Target for 3 hours. Go to the grocery store and appreciate the fact that you can get 50 items in 20 minutes or less, and a small creature in your cart will not be shouting and screaming as if you are beating her silly, even though you're actually 2 feet away from her.

4. And, on the less funny and more practical side, there are things you are going to need at 2 in the morning, and no one will have given them to you at your baby shower because they were too busy buying you Johnny Jump Ups and Pack 'N Plays, which do not replace elecrolytes, cure yeast diaper rashes, or help in between doses of Tylenol. So, baby on the way? Go to the store and get these goodies so you actually have them when you need them: generic Pedialyte (come on - you have a baby now - time to start buying the storebrand, ladies!), generic Pedialyte pops, Hyland's teething tablets, Infant's Tylenol AND Infant's Motrin (and be sure to ask your pediatrician about how you can stagger these medications to keep your kid constantly drugged up...I mean contantly drugged up when they're in pain, of course), anti-fungal cream for yeast diaper rashes - if it says for athlete's foot or jock itch, that's what you're looking for, and go ahead and pick up some chocolate that you will bust out for yourself when you are dealing with all of the above problems at the very same time.

That wraps up my advice for the day.

But! if you have a daughter, a granddaughter, or a special little girl in your life, you might want to catch this last bit as well. In about three weeks, Laughing Through the Chaos is going to be a part of a book blog tour for the book The Curse of the Good Girl: Raising Authentic Girls with Courage and Confidence, and we have the opportunity to do a question and answer post with the author, Rachel Simmons, author of Odd Girl Out.

I haven't finished the book yet, but so far it's great. It's all about raising our daughters to be confident, assertive, and to be brave enough to go after what they want in life, rather than dealing with some of the issues so many of us who are raising daughters have, like being people pleasers, being passive agressive and afraid to say things like they are or not being confident enough to confront people in an appropriate manner. I am loving what this book stands for, and I hope that it will help me in my attempt to raise one heck of a girl who already has enough spunk and perhaps not enough fear.

Please leave a comment or email me at laughingthroughthechaos@gmail.com with your questions for Rachel Simmons. I'd like to email the questions in the next week so she has plenty of time to answer them. So...questions/ideas/concerns you have about raising a confident girl? I know I'll be asking about what us parents of infants can do to start off on the right track and do things the way we should before we hit the teen years. Shoot your questions and such my way, and then we'll hear what an expert has to say about it. Can't wait to see what you come up with!

Now, head on over to Mama's Losin' It to join in the fun of Writer's Workshop.

A broken mirror, a lacerated middle finger, and some totally cute hair bows

It's time again for Writer's Workshop over at Mama's Losin' It. I tried hard to come up with something in response to the prompts, and the closest thing I came to was to write in response to this prompt:

"How did you break it?"

The only problem? Well, I've never broken a bone in my life, and when I asked my husband to help me remember things I've broken, all we could think of was a mirror and an olive oil jar that I broke when it fell out of the pantry.

So, the jar (made of very thick glass) is scattered across the kitchen floor in our 365 square foot apartment (the joys of married student housing) and I lean down to start picking it up, except that I put my hand down to brace myself and end up lacerating my friggin' middle finger all to crap, requiring 3 stitches.

The doctor who sewed it up reminded us of Robin Williams and whistled a lovely little tune while he stitched away. Now I have this totally bad ass H-shaped scar right on the inner bendy part of my middle finger. Way cool, right?

Well, that's not all that exciting. Big whoop. A lacerated (I love that word - it sounds so serious - LACERATED) finger, a broken mirror - ehhh. Hardly worthy of a blog post, if you ask me.

So, let me tell you how my friend broke something. Well, actually her dog, Indiana, broke it. Indiana is the family dog, and she had to have surgery to remove a tumor, so I guess you could say Indiana broke the bank.

You may remember this friend from a giveaway I did a while back. Her name is Amy and she has an absolutely adorable Etsy shop where she sells her handmade bows for girls, as well as jewelry, crocheted hats and other girl's accessories.

She's having a HUGE sale and using the money to help offset the cost of Indiana's surgery, and you don't want to miss it. Today and tomorrow she's selling corker bows and double ribbon bows for 50% off. Here's a little taste of what could be yours...


Anyway, head on over to Amy's place - Sugar and Spice All Things Nice - and score yourself a set of these adorable corkers in all different colors for just $3.00 per set. Seriously - if you've got a little girl or know one, this is an incredible price for these handmade bows! Click here to view all of the korkers.

Here's a picture of the double ruffle ribbon bows - they come in regular size and minis. Just for some perspective, my baby's about 16 months old, and the minis are the perfect size for her. The regulars are still a bit too big for her head.


Aren't they gorgeous???

Now, head on over to Mama Kat's and check out the other Writer's Workshop posts, and while your bopping around online, go check out Amy's Etsy Shop for some smokin' deals on hair bows for girls!

If I had a million dollars, this is what I'd give you.

Fasten your seat belts, people. It's Thursday, and that means it's time for another Writer's Workshop with Mama Kat from Mama's Losin' It.

This week, we're going to do some pretending. Let's pretend I have a million dollars. And, along with that, let's say I happen to be feeling rather generous. My new found riches and sudden generosity lead me to send you all lovely little gift baskets full of my current favorite things, not unlike Scary Mommy, who is actually having a real favorite things giveaway as we speak, and happened to be Mama Kat's inspiration for this prompt.

In my hypothetical and amazing gift to you, my readers, I'll be covering many aspects of your life - we're talking fashion, snack attacks, gettin' your groove thang on, exercise, baby care, some fabulous television programming to help you escape the stress of your daily life, and some rockin' music for the kids that won't drive you batty in the process.

So, let's start with getting that butt of yours off the couch and into shape. We begin with my pretend boyfriend, Gilad. According to Fit TV, the Wall Street Journal (or some other major publication, don't quote me on the Wall Street Journal Part) "hails" Gilad as "an Israeli studmuffin." Not only is he a studmuffin, but over the past month, he's taken the place of Jillian Michaels in the majority of my at-home workouts. So, your first present from me? One year of personal training with Gilad. He won't fit in the basket, so I'd make you a gift certificate in Microsoft Word and stick it in there with the rest of the goodies. Oh, and no '80's spandex wedgie leotard required, unless you're into that sort of thing.

Next, I'd offer you a year's worth of Zumba lessons. I discovered Zumba a week or two ago, and it's the most fun I've ever had working out. We've already talked about how I couldn't dance to save my life, but maybe - just maybe - I'd have a chance after a few more weeks of Zumba. Seriously - this is some mad fun, people. We're talking Latin dance moves, salsa, cha-cha-cha's and a whole lot of shimmyin' and shakin'. It's like exercise in disquise because it's so fun, and it burns up to 800 calories per hour. If you're wondering what Zumba looks like, and what I look like when I do Zumba, the watch the 30 second video below. Watch the dancers in the back for proper technique, and watch the toddler in front for a more accurate picture of what yours truly looks like during Zumba class.

Ok, next is a snack. We all have snack attacks, and for us moms, when we forget to pack our own snacks in the diaper bag, sometimes we're left with no choice but to eat the snacks we packed for the kids. If your child is a toddler, you can rejoice because this no longer means you have to eat baby food from a jar, flaky, unmixed formula, or Gerber rice puffs. That's right - once your kid hits toddlerhood, you'll be arm wrestling them for their snacks. Dennis and I practically had a knock down drag out fight yesterday when I found out he ate the last four of the Sesame Street Very Vanilla Letter of the Day cookies. If you haven't tried these, you don't know what you're missing. So, let's toss a box or two of these in your gift basket.











Next, you need to feel good in your clothes. I've talked before about wanting the perfect pair of jeans, and finally finding them. In my roller coaster up and down battle with eating sweets and carbs and exercising and not exercising, I've occasionally whined about not being able to fit in my favorite pants. Well, since getting my butt back in gear, the pants fit again, and can I just say there is nothing else in life like have a pair of jeans that fit perfect and get comfier each day you wear them? I love, love, LOVE my Big Star Maddie fit bootcut jeans. Just the right amount of stretch , and oh-so-cute. So, here you go - a hot pair of jeans. You're welcome.




















So, since we're having so much fun pretending, let's say you're home by yourself for once in your life. Hey, miracles can happen, people. You put on your favorite jeans that now fit thanks to Gilad and Zumba, curl up on the couch after you grab a handful of your cookie monster cookies and wonder, "Well, what in tarnation should I watch?" You will find the answer to this question nestled to your gift certificate for a year's worth of workouts with Gilad. You will find one of my very favorite shows ever - Army Wives. And it's guaranteed time and space for yourself because you couldn't pay your man enough money to watch an episode with you. I'm giving you Season One in case you've never seen it. Always start from the beginning. Always.
















Next, you need to keep your kid distracted while you're driving, and your Top 40 station is just not cutting it anymore. You have finally given in and ventured into the world of children's music, only to be sorely disappointed about having to listen to songs sung by crazy purple dinosaurs (I didn't use the actual "B" word - did you notice?), puppets, or children hopped up on helium. No - there will be none of that for you. You deserve much better. From the band that brought you "One Week," "The Old Apartment," and "Pinch Me" comes a CD that's kid-friendly, but very, very easy on adult ears as well. I'm talking about Snack Time by the Barenake Ladies. Awesome, awesome CD. How can you not love a CD that talks about microwaved chocolate donuts being someone's favorite snack? It's my current favorite kid CD.















Ok, so you've been spending time with Gilad each day, hitting Zumba a couple times a week, slamming your cookie monster letter cookies, spelling all sorts of fun words with them, rocking your new pair of jeans, and driving your kid around town while you run errands listening to music that keeps the kid happy and keeps your sanity in check. So many good things! But, something was bound to go wrong.

Your kid gets a crazy bad fever, and your old put-in-under-the-armpit digital thermometer is taking way too long and your baby hates it, and oh crap, now you have to start taking the temperature all over again because your baby grabbed the thermometer and tried to jab your eye out with it. What ever will you do?

You will not panic, of course, because the last item I will so generously provide you with is a little piece of technological genius known as the temporal thermometer. Just run it across the forehead, and wa-LA. Works on sleeping babies, ready in 1 second, and proven in several hospital studies to be as accurate as the baby bum-bum method of taking temperatures. Every household with kids absolutely, positively needs one of these puppies. It's been a lifesaver, and now it can be your lifesaver, too.









But, only if you go buy it yourself because I'm cheap, and we're just pretending.

Road Trippin' - Toddler Style

This past Friday we got back from nearly a week's vacation, and I learned a thing or two while we were on our little adventure. I bring these lessons to you in the form of one of my favorite things - a list.

1. When a 15-month-old child hears an important adult in her life utter something to the effect of...Vacation. Relaxation. Out of state. Oh, I don't know...8 hour car ride, it immediately triggers a physiological response that sets the next group of four yet-to-emerge teeth into a frenzied race to the top of the gums to see who can emerge first.

This aforementioned physiological response will set said 15-month-old into a wild fit of screaming, crying with actual tears, whining, lots of "eh, eh, eh, eh, EH's" and will drive mother of said infant virtually insane while traveling to the much-anticipated vacation destination.

2. A regimen of both Tylenol and Motrin is not always as effective, cool, and fun as it sounds. For your teething child, of course. Now that I think about it, a Tylenol and Motrin regimen for myself probably would have been a genius idea. Darn hindsight...

3. All mothers of small infants need to RUN, not walk, to their doctor's office prior to departure when setting out on a road trip and demand a prescription for Xanax. Seriously.

2. Sister-in-laws are the bomb shizzle fo nizzle lifesavers of the universe.

3. Once a sister-in-law offers to sit in the seat next to the cranky, drugged up child that was previously occupied by a mama whose head was about to do this...











... and offers to let the mama sit in the very front seat instead, one's quality of life immediately improves by 104%. Amazing.

4. Never, I repeat NEVER, leave your child's "we only use them during sleep times" pacifiers in the trunk "because we only use them during sleep times."

5. You will break more rules on vacation than you ever thought possible. Rules to be broken include, but are not limited to: the no pacifiers during awake times rule, the you can scream all you want but you must eat all your meals in your high chair and not in someone's lap rule, the no you cannot have more milk - you've already had 3 sippy cups of milk, you will eat some food and you will eat it NOW rule, and the you only get to watch Barney once a day rule.

6. Parents whose teething children who are instantly calmed by Barney and Veggie Tales will have the following songs stuck in their heads approximately 3 hours after arriving at the destination: "Down on Grandpa's Farm," "The Annoying Yellow Blanket song" by Stupid Baby Bop, "Flying in an Airplane," and let's not forget the classic..."Oh, Where is My Hairbrush." If you did not already have every single ever lovin' lyric to each of these songs engrained in your memory before you left on your trip, don't worry. They'll all be there by the time you get back home. Every. Single. Annoying. WORD.

7. Early bedtimes (for kids and parents) are essential.

8. Day 2 will be much better. And so will every day after that.

9. Going nearly an entire week without cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, loading (or not loading) the dishwasher, and running errands is something I think I might take up on a more regular basis. That was awesome.

10. Getting away from the phone, the bills, the computer, WORK, and even my little house and my town was phenomenal. We're talking hiking, gorgeous gardens with tiny little waterfalls and tons of pretty flowers, canoeing, eating delicious foods, finishing two books, seeing new places, walking nearly everywhere I went, and just being able to RELAX was more than worth the craptastic start of our journey.

I'm already daydreaming about next summer's getaway...

(This post is a part of Mama Kat's Thursday Writer's Workshop. Although the prompt I chose was to recap a day in your life, I decided to cheat a teensy bit and recap a week. I know - I'm a rebel.)

I want a goose that lays golden eggs for Easter.

In my teen years (and if I'm being totally truthful with you, even now), if I want something from my dad, I act all cute and do the Veronica routine from the original Willy Wonka.

"Daddy!!! DADDY! I want a golden goose. I want a goose that lays GOLDEN eggs for Easter!"

It's kind of just this little joke that we have. Only now, it's not like I want to stay out late (well, actually, I wouldn't mind that, if I could actually stay awake long enough to be out past 9 p.m.) or have money to go to the movies or have my dad drive to who knows where to unlock my car for me because I locked the keys inside of it for the umpteenth time. Now, I mostly just say it to be stupid and funny (two things that I am really, really, ridiculously good at).

Now, my wants are a lot different. It's not so much about the movies, going out with friends, or being let into my car. These days, my wants are not as easy to fulfill. I've chosen my current top 3 wants, and I'm sharing them with you today. Should you have any suggestions for me, please - enlighten me.

WANTED:

1. I want my 30 Day Shred with Jillian Michaels DVD back. Kaylee, fess up. Where did you hide it, you little 14 month-old super sleuth? Mommy's butt is growing by the minute, and I won't do my squats and push-ups without my dear Jillian. Get on that, would you? While you're looking I'm going to go have some chocolate cake. Don't mind me, and don't ask me if you can have any. You can't. So be quiet, and go find my DVD.

2. I want a full piece of cheesecake that does not mysteriously decrease in size by 50 percent when I leave the house to go to the gym. That makes me cry. And whine. And turn into Ice Queen. My mom is taking care of this request this evening, so I won't be pining after it for much longer. But still, my mom is not here yet; hence, I am still wanting that cheesecake. Badly.

3. I want a clean house. I want a clean house that cleans itself. I have a self-cleaning oven. Now I want a self-cleaning house, dammit.

What do YOU want? Leave a comment with your top 3 wants of the moment.

Head on over to Mama's Losin' It and join in this week's Writer's Workshop Thursday for yourself. All the cool kids do it. You know you want to.

Writer's Workshop - the impossibly fun poem

It's that time again. Time for Mama Kat's Thursday Writer's Workshop. I decided to be super brave this week and write a poem. Remember my sorry attempt at a haiku during my very first Writer's Workshop post? I'm won't lie to you. It sucked, and I promise this poem will be way, way better.

First, you need to understand that I'm not a poem kind of girl, and I wasn't sure if it would even be possible for me to actually pull this off. I've always loved writing, but poems are just not my forte. I suck at rhyming and all stuff that poems are made of. But, I like a good challenge, so I chose the prompt about writing a poem. These are the requirements:

Write a 26-line poem using all the letters of the alphabet, where the first line starts with the letter "A," the second "B," the third "C," etc., culminating with the final line starting with "Z."

I sat down and started writing a poem all about baby poop and baby barf and how I hadn't showered in 2 days, and I was pretty impressed with myself for the line that began with the letter F. The preceding lines had been about dealing with said poop and such, and it was high time for an expletive, so the line went like this: "Frick, frick-a-frack, cock-a-doodly-doo." I was too proud of that not to share it with you. Unfortunately, that little piece of genius didn't make the final cut because my poopy, barfy, non-showery poem sucked.

It just wasn't coming together. So, I deleted what I had, took a step back, and decided that I needed to write something that didn't have to do with being a mom or my newest obsession with the Duggars.

So, without further adieu, I present you with my poetic masterpiece...

Alphabet Soup

All things that are chocolate,
Books that aren't true.
Candy and
Daisies, but not
Even the
Flu.
Girly accessories,
Headbands and rings.
I'm talking about all of my favorite things.
Jumpin' Jehosephat - that's fun to say!
Kitty cats,
Lollipops and steak
Marinade.
Norah Jones, but not
Oprah.
Pink stuff and juice.
Quite frankly I even like Dr. Suess.
Randy from Idol and
Seattle Grace.
Try to hurt me and I'll spray you with mace.
Umbrellas in rainstorms and
V-Dubya bugs.
Weddings, my family, and
Xeptional rugs.
Yard sales, and coupons - some sparkly bling.
Zeze are a few of my favorite things.

Aprons and Tide pens and screaming babies with vampire teeth, oh my!

Sure as shit, today is just going to be one of those days...

So, Kaylee has her bottom 2 teeth in, right? The two top teeth usually come next, right? Well, uh - not so much with my kid. She's got her two little vampire teeth poking through under the gums and they are SHARP. I wish they'd just come through already.

Anyway, I'm officially declaring today Screaming Vampire Baby Day at our house because that is all that's going on around here. Screaming. And screaming. And screaming. I'll be screaming next - anytime now. Poor kiddo is only happy if she's being held, and it's really hard to eat, take a shower and dry my hair while holding a child. Hence the screaming child who cannot be held every waking moment.

In an effort to maintain my sanity and happiness, I am going to tell you about a few happy things that you really need to be aware of.

Let's start off with some giveaway news. Who doesn't love a giveaway, right?

First giveaway: It's week three of Mama Kat's apron giveaway. This week she's featuring aprons from another great seller at etsy.com. This is my favorite apron in her etsy shop. Isn't it cute? I think it definitely has my name written all over it. So, click here to visit Mama Kat and to enter the giveaway for yo bad self.


Second giveaway: Summer at Le Musings of Moi is having one of the coolest giveaways I've ever heard of. It's a care package, carefully selected and prepared by Summer herself. It's got skin care, makeup, a headband, nail polish, and more! It sounds so girly and fun and fantastic. I'm hoping I win that one, too. So, click here to visit Summer and check out her giveaway.

Third giveaway: I'm jumping up and down for joy over this one! Do you remember me telling you about how I was about to embark on a beautiful relationship with a little something called the Tide to Go pen? Well, a certain someone who works with Tide is overnighting me some of these little beauties to give away to my fabulous readers! So, hang on to your hats because that will be happening soon and very soon.

In other news, you need to check out April over at April Showers by clicking here. She was the featured blogger over at SITS yesterday and she's working with me to redesign my blog. I know, I know - I just redid the layout not long ago, but it's just not what I'm looking for, and I'm Photo Shop challenged. She's got lots of orders, so a bit of time will need to pass before the changes are up, but I'm totally excited about it.

Well, please excuse me and my ringing ears as I attempt to pry my squealing child off of me so I can go finish getting ready for my day.

Where's my damn chocolate!?!?

I'll take some Tap Tap Revenge with a side of 30 Rock, please

This week's Writer's Workshop from Mama Kat (see above) is frickin' awesome! You better be excited because you're gonna get to read a whole crap load of fun stuff from me today. Wanna know what's in store?

Well, I've got a fabulous music video for your viewing pleasure, circa early 1990s. Next, I'll be sharing one of my favorite recipes with you. You'll also have the privilege of discovering what 5 of my most current favorite things are. Are you jumping up and down with excitement yet? Because you should be. If you're not, then you better get your head examined.

So, first off, allow me to share with you a fabulous song from the first CD I ever purchased with my own money. Frickin' Ace of BASE, people. Name of the CD? The Sign. I remember playing basketball outside by myself with my larger than life boom box next to the hoop, playing this very song on repeat for HOURS. One time the crotchety old lady from next door came over and asked me to turn it down. What a bizatch! I listen to the song now, and I realize how ridiculous of a song it is, but it just takes me back, and all I can do is smile.

I'm notorious for screwing up song lyrics, but I swear the first line of this is: "I bought a phone, yeah!" Tell me what you think. I'm pretty much 23% sure that I've gotta be right on this one.

Without further adieu, I bring you the classic '90s hit, "The Sign." Don't enjoy it too much.



Next! A favorite recipe...

I love recipes that are easy, delicious, and taste like I spent forever working on them. The recipe I'm going to share with you is a variation on a recipe called Chicken Surprise that a friend shared with me, and a crockpot recipe I found online. I really don't have a name for this, but it's good. Let's call it Crockpot Chickeny Salsa Bean Extravaganza. If you need to cook gluten-free, check out The Crockpot Lady's site for her version.

Crockpot Chickeny Salsa Bean Extravaganza

1. Turn your crockpot to Low.
2. Add about 4 or 5 boneless, skinless chicken breasts (you can even add them frozen!)
3. Dump in a jar of salsa (I recommend whatever brand is on sale - who frickin' cares, anyway?).
4. Dump in a can of black beans.
5. Cook for about 6-8 hours.

You can eat as is, or you can shred the chicken. You can also add corn if you want at the beginning, but I choose not to. Now, if you want it to be creamy, add a brick of cream cheese during the last 30 minutes and then stir it all together. We've tried it both ways, and we prefer it without the cream cheese. If you want it to be soupier, add some chicken broth - however much you want.

And lastly, I will be sharing 5 of my current favorite things with you. Let's take it from the top.

One: L'Oreal beauty tubes mascara























Listen to me. Are you listening? You HAVE to buy this mascara. HAVE to. I've always had an issue with mascara smudging, rubbing off, making me have raccoon eyes halfway through the day, or clumping. Not pretty. This stuff frickin' rocks! I bought it after I read Summer's review (please go check her out at Le Musings of Moi, by the way - she's a riot!), and I will never go back. You really need to read Summer's review - I'm pretty sure you'll feel compelled to buy it after you read it.

DOS and TRES: The 8 gig iPod touch. One of THE best inventions ever. Given to me by Mom and Pops at Christmas, it's definitely going down as one of the best Christmas gifts ever given to anyone. anywhere. Number 3 goes right along with it, and that - my friends - is Tap Tap Revenge. Available free at the app store, it's like a handheld version of guitar hero. Just warning you - it's addicting. You probably won't get anything done for at least a day after you discover the fun that IS Tap Tap Revenge (that's it on the screen right there).























Four: Frickin' baby formula. Seriously. I love this stuff (for Kaylee, not me personally). It makes my life easier, and it means my boobs are mine again. In fact, I'm so excited about formula that I wrote a whole post about how excited it makes me. Click here to read all about it.














And, lastly, #5. Liz Lemon.

Otherwise known as Tina Fey's character on NBC's 30 Rock. Dennis and I watched an episode a couple seasons ago and weren't really crazy about it, but this year we gave it another shot, and now we don't miss an episode. It's so dang funny! Liz Lemon is my favorite. Enjoy this quick little montage of Liz Lemon-isms. Funny stuff, people. Funny stuff.

Click the picture of Mama Kat at the beginning of the post to check out more brilliant Writer's Workshop posts from other bloggers.

Michael Phelps, the Michelle Duggar wannabe, and a few other things weighin' on my mind...

This week for Mama Kat's Thursday Writer's Workshop, I could have written a poem, told you about a talent I have, shared a lie I told, or - OR - I could choose to do one of my most favorite hobbies - write a list. The list must be made up of ten things that were on my mind this week. That shouldn't be a problem, since the wheels are always turning up in this noggin. So, let's get on with the list, shall we?

Ok.

1. Michael Phelps. What the hell, Michael Phelps? You let someone take a picture of you smoking pot? Your a friggin' celebrity, dude. Have you not heard about Paris Hilton's little snafu? And now you're trying to pass this off as a youthful mistake? You used up your stupid youthful mistakes quota when you got your DUI at age 19. Knock it off, dude. Like you NEED something to give you more of the munchies - you already eat 80 bajillion calories a day and have zero percent body fat (for that I hate you, by the way). Quit being such a cotton-headed ninny muggins, you stupid fool.

2. The lady who had 8 babies at once. Ok, so at first I heard the story and I was all, "WOW. That's so amazing - the babies were all born healthy! What fantastic news - this is such a miracle." Yadda, yadda, yadda. Then I find out she already HAD 6 kids and now she's asking for $2 million before she'll give any interviews and such. Father of the babies - not involved, apparently. Two words, people: NUT CASE. Why are such stupid people allowed to keep having babies? She's on the fast track for the Michelle Duggar plan, I guess...

3. It's great to be done nursing, but I forgot about the fact that I no longer burn 500 - 1,000 calories a day for being a dairy cow. Dammit. My pants are starting to be too tight. Now I actually have to do workouts that make me sweat. Someone pass me a tissue, I'm about to cry...

4. I've been a little nervous that maybe Kaylee will start to walk soon. She is now pulling herself up to a standing position like it's nobody's business. And she crawls faster than her little legs can keep up with sometimes. I think it's only a matter of time until she discovers that there's an even faster way to move. Well, tonight I find out that my husband and his sister each walked at 9 months old. Now, what has become a nagging thought in the back of my mind for the past week has become a potential case of severe heartburn. For Pete's Sake, I'm still trying to child proof my house appropriately for a crawler. God help me, but I'm going to push the kid down (ever so gently) when she stands without support. I will do it. And you will not stop me.

5. What the FRICK is up with all these "tell us 25 things about yourself" facebook tags? Holy jeepers, people. I think I've received 875,326 requests to tell you 25 random things about myself. Everyone and their brother is doing this (well, except me, and my brother now that I think of it - I don't think he's done it...). And I'm not. So keep sending me your requests all you want, but I'm not doing it. Even if a teeny weeny part of myself wants to do it, just because...

6. I continue to think about my decision to stop breastfeeding Kaylee, and I continue to have more confidence that I made the right choice. At the same time, I was a little overwhelmed with all the comments that other women had in response to my post about being done. Holy crap, people. Every comment talked about a struggle with breast feeding in one way or the other. Never in one place have I read so many open and honest struggles with the issue. It has really got me thinking, and in fact - I've gotten a little upset that the issue of breastfeeding induces so much guilt among mothers. Guilt that they don't breastfeed. Guilt that they DID breastfeed, but not long enough. Guilt that they could breastfeed one child and not the other. Promoting breastfeeding is a great and all, but it's become a bit more clear to me that SOMEONE had better start sending out the message that if you don't breastfeed you're not a bad mother, and that if you don't have problems along the way, well then - guess what? You're in the frickin' MINORITY, people. *stepping off that soapbox*

7. I've had the chance to have a few consecutive days off of work, and I'm realizing that I'm beginning to feel more confident and comfortable in my role as a mother. I'm starting to loosen up a bit. I don't worry quite as much about if I'm doing things the right way. I'm having more FUN, and I'm not taking myself so seriously or being as hard on myself. Most of the time.

8. Money. This always seems to be on my mind these days. Whether it's trying to balance the checkbook, pay the bills, figure out new ways to save, clipping coupons, or worrying about not having enough days of work this month, it's always there - always in the back of my mind. Sometimes I wish that it weren't an issue - that it was not something that caused me stress. But, if I had so much money that I wasn't stressed out about money, I think I'd have a whole nother set of issues, and frankly - I think I'd rather worry about not having enough.

9. I've also been wishing that I had more time to catch up on all the shows I have DVR'd. I love that stinkin' machine - I just wish I wasn't so far behind on my shows. And I wish I had a pair of 3-D glasses so I could watch Chuck. It looks funny this week if you're not wearing 3-D glasses. Anyone know where I can get a pair?

10. Ok, so remember my post about cleaning my house all day while my mom watched Kaylee? I got my kitchen, living room and dining room all cleaned? Well, we're approaching 2 weeks of keeping those rooms clean, and I'm still scratching my head about how we're managing to pull it off. I guess it's not so bad when you can just maintain it on a daily basis. I kinda feel like giving myself a quick pat on the back. But then following that pat, I feel like giving myself a swift kick in the pants because I still have 2 bathrooms, 2 bedrooms, an office, a car, and a garage that need cleaning, too. Ahhh, cleaning, shmeaning. Always on my mind...

How I support my shopping habit without spending a dime

There's something you don't know about me.

I get a ton of stuff from CVS (major pharmacy/drug store, in case you didn't know) all the time and I never pay for it. My husband says I steal from them all the time. So, now instead of asking how much I paid for something when I get home from a CVS run, he's like, "So, what did you steal today, honey?"

In the future, I'll have more posts about my love of coupons and good deals, and I'll tell you all about how a couple months ago I literally spent $27 (yes, twenty seven) dollars on groceries for an entire month.

But, for now - I shall tell you about one of my favorite stores, and I how I manage to steal from them all the time and haven't ended up in handcuffs in the back of a cop car just yet.

So...CVS has this sweet thing called Extra Care Bucks (known from here on out as ECB's), and ECB's are WAY cooler than sliced bread. If you don't know about ECB's and they are not a part of your life yet, you are seriously missing out, and you need to flick yourself on the side of the head for being such a cotton headed ninny muggins. Go ahead. Flick yourself real quick. I'll wait.

Ok....

So, ECB's print out at the end of your receipt on certain products, and you can find the products that generate ECB's by reading the weekly and monthly CVS ads. Not hard.

Before we begin, let me tell you before I forget...you'll need a CVS card. It's free, and it's like those shopping cards you get at the grocery store to get the good deals. So, anyway, head to the counter and ask for a CVS card, or you won't get the sale prices.

Alright, now let's get down to the nitty gritty. Let's say you want to buy a new lip gloss and it's on sale for $5.99 and you get $3.99 back in ECBs (which you will know after reading the ad, right?). So, you plan to fork out $5.99, but lo and behold! You have a coupon for $2 off this exact lip gloss. My lucky stars! So, you give them your coupon for 2 bucks off and they tell you that your total is $3.99. You pay them $3.99 and then get $3.99 back in ECBs. It's like an instant refund.

You're going to have to spend money initially, unless you happen to need drugs and have a prescription transfer coupon. I had a new prescription, and I had a CVS coupon (found in a weekly ad - they do it every so often) for a $25 gift card if I transferred a new prescription to their pharmacy. So, I took some of that money and bought my first CVS products.

The sweet thing about ECBs is that nearly every week they have things that are free after ECBs, which means they'll sell it for a price like $2.99 and give you $2.99 back in ECB's.

Right now I've got about $21 of ECB's (they don't expire for one month, by the way). So, within the next week or two I'll be making another CVS run.

Last time I went to CVS I came home with 5 Listerine mouthwashes, 2 L'oreal lip glosses and a Sally Hansen nail polish, and all I had to pay was tax, so just a few cents, really, and I'm just using the remaining balance on my gift card, so that will last me a long time.

Not only did I get all those things for free, but by combining my coupons with the ECB deals, I generated the same amount of ECB's that I spent. So, I'm supporting my CVS habit and not dipping into our slim monthly budget.

We no longer pay for things like toothbrushes, razors, deodorant, toothpaste, mouthwash, nail polish, fun cosmetics, feminine products, and basic health and hygiene items. And we all know those can add up super quick!

I love, love, LOVE to shop and CVS lets me shop (often getting fun things like 2 new lip glosses a month that I could never justify otherwise) without actually paying for anything.

So, maybe it's not technically stealing, but we call it stealing at our house just because it's fun to pretend, I guess. (We're weird. I know this!)

Now, I realize this post was rather boring and a heck of a lot more technical than any other post I've written, but I wrote it with the intention of being instructional and helpful.

Go check out www.iheartcvs.com to learn more about how you can have a blast shopping at CVS for free. If you've got questions about what I said above (it was rather complicated), please email me! I love sharing good deals and helping people save money! It's laughingthroughthechaos@gmail.com

Also, if you STILL haven't gone over to check out Mama Kat, you need to do that. Right now. Stop what you're doing, do yourself a favor, and go on over there. This post is a part of her Writer's Workshop Thursdays, which is something I look forward to every week. (She gives bloggers several prompts to choose from, and this week I chose to write about a time I stole something). Mama Kat is a total riot, and she makes me crack up DAILY. She's a phenomenal writer, and an incredible mama. Please go check out her blog. You'll be glad you did.

(And if you look at silly things like the times on blog posts, NO. I did not write this post at midnight. I am not a crazy person. Midnight is for sleeping, people. Blogger has a sweet feature where you can schedule posts for the future. Click on post options and you can pick the date and time you want the post to go up, and Blogger posts it for you. And don't mention it - you're welcome for the tip.)

What my husband really thinks of me

So, just in case you were ever curious what my husband really thinks of me (let's be honest here - you and I both know that you probably wonder about that - oh, at least 12 times a day, right?) - well, now you've got your answer.

These, my friends, are the six words he uses to describe me. And I've got to be honest with you - I couldn't have picked six more accurate words myself. Truly.

(Ok, so I only would have picked #1, #3, and #6, but that's beside the point...)

1. hilarious
2. beautiful
3. loving
4. generous
5. adorable
6. retarded

Last night I told him I needed him to help me with my blog post for Mama Kat's Thursday Writer's Workshop, and he patiently obliged. I asked him to think of six words that described me. The assignment is to have a loved one describe you in six words and then write about just how well you think they really know you, based on how they described you. I asked him to email me whatever he came up with so I wouldn't have to remember it.

So, within a matter of minutes after making my request, I get a new email. The subject line is something to the effect of "Here's your damn list." Heh, heh, heh.

Allow me to elaborate on what I think of the above list. Let's take it from the top...

#1 : Hilarious. I've got to agree with him on this one. I'm one of those nerds that laughs at myself often. I'm not talking like, "Oh, you need to be able to laugh at your mistakes. Ha, ha, ha." No. I'm talking, I do goofy crap even when it's just me, just because I think it's funny. Take this for example: No one else is in the house but me. I'm in the kitchen, probably looking for food or something, and all of a sudden Beyonce's voice comes booming through the speakers in my living room. Heck YES I bust a move in the middle of the kitchen! I might even sing along and make funny facial expressions as if I myself were Beyonce. Why? Because I'm hilarious. That's why. Dennis probably thinks I'm hilarious because I make him laugh all the dang time. However, I think I make him laugh all dang time because I am #6.

#2 : Beautiful. Awwww. I may not always feel like it myself, but he's always giving me the best compliments. Like this one: "I think you look really pretty without your makeup." Now, if I over think that one too much it might cause me to think something irrational like, "Hmmm, I wonder if that means I look like a dirty pirate hooker (Will Ferrell, Anchorman, people - come on) with my makeup on. Maybe he's trying to tell me something..." But, that would be stupid to think that. Honestly, it's one of my favorite things to hear because I often have to stifle screams in the morning when I get that first look in the mirror after just waking up and having no makeup on.

#3 : Loving. Yep, that's true. Sure, I've got people in my life who irritate the living daylights out of me (those are the people who inspire me to repeat "I love you, but I don't have to LIKE you" over and over in my head), but I'd definitely say that I'm a really loving person. Good call, Dennis. Good call.

#4 : Generous. This one stumps me a bit. In fact, I'm not sure why he picked this word. For instance, I am not generous enough to give him the first bite of pizza (the first bite is the best bite, and it was never meant to be shared). I am not generous enough to let him have my dessert, unless it's a ginormous restaurant dessert that we decide ahead of time to split. I think I scare him sometimes when he messes with my food. You need to understand that I savor my food and enjoy every single bite. I can get a good 6 bites out of a Ghirardelli caramel chocolate square. So, if he so much as takes a little bite out of something I'm really excited to eat, I (pardon my French) go ape shit. Hmmm, what else...I am most definitely not generous with the covers. And, I'm a social worker, so I'm certainly not generous in an Oprah Winfrey give-away-a-freakin'-car-to-everyone-in-the-audience kind of way because us social workers don't exactly blow our noses in hundred dollar bills, if you know what I mean. (If you don't know what I mean, go rent Dumb and Dumber).

#5 : Adorable. Ok, I'll take that one. That one's a nice one. But on second thought, #5 could also be linked to #6.

#6 : Retarded. If you knew me in real life, you'd know that I mean no harm or disrespect in using this word. But, since the majority of you don't know me in real life, I just needed to get that out. This is a little ongoing joke that Dennis and I have. I think I've always been a bit retarded (I am a natural blond), but it got progressively worse when I got knocked up. I truly believe the reason my baby is a miniature genius is because every smart brain cell she now has used to take up residence inside my head. But, while she was in utero, she must have used her crazy fetus powers to teleport all my smart cells into my uterus so she could steal them for herself. Selfish little turd. But it doesn't stop there. Pretty much all the moms I've talked to about this are in agreement that the birth canal is the emergency exit for any smart brain cells that remain after the baby steals the first ones from you during your pregnancy. So, I'm doomed. I now say retarded things like, "Do you hear that smell?" and "When your mom I went to the shoe sleep chicken." Crazy combinations of words come out of my mouth sometimes. They make NO sense at all, and even as I utter the crazy words I myself am stumped as to how I am uttering such strange things. I have no control over it. It's as if some connection in my brain got zapped the very moment I opened my mouth. So, when he says I'm retarded, it's true. I am. But I'm okay with it.

So there you have it. That's me. Retarded, loving, beautiful, generous, adorable little old me...